Good Omens

Behind the scenes of 2x02

Bugs Bunny could have simply walked into Mordor. He would have shown up at the gates of Mordor in a disguise and been like "Evil volcano inspection unit" and flashed a fake ID badge to the confused orc.

yes BUT

Daffy woulda been there too, doubting Bugs, complaining the whole way, and coveting the Ring at the last

and at the end, when Daffy tries to bite the Ring off Bugs’ finger and shatters his teeth on it, Bugs reveals that he’s holding a fake gloved hand on a stick, SLAPS Daffy with the fake gloved hand on a stick, and tosses the Ring nonchalantly into Mount Doom

leagues away, Sauron’s eye swings wildly to Mount Doom and Yosemite Sam’s voice screams WOT IN TARNATION!

don't give me hope.......

All fics are 18+ ONLY unless otherwise noted

SERIES

*at least three parts or chapters

28 Days - AU Dean Winchester x several AU SPN characters

Summary: Dean Winchester is an addict and an alcoholic, a USMC veteran, a father, and an older brother. As Battalion Chief with Lawrence Fire & Medical, Dean comes under investigation when he makes a dangerous and impulsive decision, defying his superiors and abandoning the team he is supposed to lead. He is given the choice to go to rehab for 28 days, or jail. His lawyer insists on rehab, and Dean begrudgingly abides.

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Emma Winchester, Jack Kline, Victor Henriksen, Jo Harvelle, Gordon Walker, Bille, Crowley, Rowena, Missouri, Meg, Pamela, Gabriel, Lydia, Casey, Jamie, Carmen, Tessa 

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, emergency action, fire, drug use, thoughts of death and dying, teen endangerment, references to underage drug addiction and prostitution, partially told through flashbacks 

Words: IN PROGRESS

Author’s notes: Inspired by the film 28 Days and following canon themes from SPN, this is a fic about Dean, a firefighter who goes to rehab, not about Dean as a firefighter.

Combat Baby - Dean Winchester x Jo Harvelle

Summary: canon divergent - Dean’s sweet, but Jo likes him nasty

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, rough sex, biting, dirty talk, brief name-calling, exhibitionism, role play, squirting

Words: IN PROGRESS

If We Make It Through December - Dean Winchester x Donna Hanscum

Summary: Donna is horrified to learn that the boys have never had a proper Christmas, so she invites them to her house for the holiday.

Characters: Dean Winchester, Donna Hanscum, Sam Winchester, Jody Mills, Claire Novak, Kaia Nieves, Patience Turner, Alex Jones

Warnings/tags: there was no rebar, 18+ ONLY, fluff, light angst, domesticity, holiday celebrations

Words: 12K

Leaving Heaven - Dean Winchester x Taziana Smith (OFC)

Summary: Tazi is a bounty hunter of mostly human things. She isn’t firmly seated in the supernatural world, but she’s familiar enough that she’s recruited by an old friend of John Winchester’s to capture and deliver a brief acquaintance of her own.

Characters: MOC/Knight of Hell/Demon Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Crowley, Lee Webb, original characters

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, this is not your mother’s Dean Winchester, brief dub-con, mentions of the foster system, references to past rape, commiserating over childhood trauma, threats of sexual violence

Words: IN PROGRESS

The Mud On Your Boots - Dean Winchester x Donna Hanscum 

Summary: Dean and Donna finally give in.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, dirty talk, fluff, consent is sexy, period sex, fisting, blood as lube, shower sex

Words: 8k

Plus One - Dean Winchester x Vanessa (OFC)

Summary: Vanessa hates weddings until she meets a handsome stranger who agrees to help her mix things up for the night.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, fingery things, squirting, and Dean has no refractory period bc this is fic

Words: 9,600

Pretty Reckless - MOC Dean Winchester x pre-slayer Faith Lehane

Summary: AU where s10 Dean stumbles upon another hunter so much like himself. When their connection grows inexplicably stronger, they find an answer they never thought existed.

Characters: Dean Winchester, Faith Lehane, Sam Winchester, Castiel, Crowley, Cain

Warnings/tags: 19+, rough sex, prostate massage, magical bond

Words: 15K

Run Me Like A River - AU Dean Winchester x AU Jessica Jones

Summary: AU wherein Jessica Jones is super-powered by gov’t experiments to create elite soldiers, the Winchesters are military officers in humanity’s War Against Evil, and they have all gone AWOL from their assigned roles. Dean and Jess embark on a relationship that ends abruptly and explosively until Dean calls her for help on a very personal case.

Characters: Jessica Jones, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Arthur Ketch, Malcolm is Jess’s cat 

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, this is not your mother’s Dean Winchester, major character death, unhealthy relationship dynamics, bondage, rough sex, anal sex, ptsd

Words: 14K

Seasons - Dean Winchester x unnamed female character

Summary: She is his safe haven, untouched by anything else or anyone. 

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, canon divergent - no Cassie or Lisa, non-linear storytelling, four seasons, angst, hurt/comfort, references non-con unprotected sex, loss of a pregnancy

Words: 12K

Temporary Scars - Dean Winchester x Donna Hanscum x Benny Lafitte

Warnings/tags: 18+, Angst, Donna has intimacy issues, Dean’s the sweetest, self-sabotage, sort of established relationship, Benny’s swoony as fuck, Dean’s in love, polyamory, pregnancy kink

Words: 4500 (on hiatus)

Unopened At Your Feet - AU Sam Winchester x female narrator, AU Dean Winchester x female narrator

Summary: This is the story of how I broke my own heart.

Characters: Female Narrator, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Becky Rosen, Meg Masters, Benny Lafitte

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, weed-smoking, canon-compliant date-rape/roofie (Becky), love triangle

Words: IN PROGRESS

ONE-SHOTS

*one and done, usually 2K+

Bad Girls Underneath -  Ruby 2.0 x Dean Winchester x Jo Harvelle

Summary: Ruby and Jojo get hit by a sex curse again; this time, they need Dean’s help.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, magical-dick/male-gaze bullshit, probably too much commentary and emotional complication, why am I like this, I’m sorry, sometimes I can’t help myself, fisting, brief choking

Words: 2,600

Summary: Let’s pretend Dean wouldn’t be terrified to welcome love into his life.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, established relationship, comfort, fluff, handsy Dean

Cactus - Dean Winchester x Meg Masters x Castiel

Summary: Post-battle, exhausted and wanting, Dean and Meg and Cas take care of each other.

Warnings/Tags: 18+ ONLY, dreamlike sex, a little choking, Dean’s always hungry

Words: 3,200

Crazy On You – Dean Winchester x female reader

Summary: You’ve had a shitty day, but this beautiful, unfamiliar boy will make it all better.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, Impala Sex, there’s a knife but not in a bloody way

Words: 4K

Crossroads and Bound - Dean Winchester x female demon reader

Summary: He agreed to this.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, femdom, Dean’s tied to a chair, wearing a cock ring, face sitting, things might get a little rough, but it’s all in good fun, squirting

Words: 2,250

The Curve Of Your Pretty Gown - Dean Winchester x female reader

Request: Hey hon! Ok, so it’s my birthday today, so maybe a story about Dean surprising me/ the reader by turning up unannounced to wish me/the reader a ‘happy birthday’ and there’s lots of smut ❤️

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, a little angst

Words: 2,200

Deep - Dean Winchester x female reader

Summary: Dean shows you more about pleasure than ‘deep’.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, Dean being perfect, sensual massage, Dean being the best lay ever, biting, Dean being a fairytale prince, the jockey is my favorite sexual position, try it, it’s amazing, talking during sex, gratuitous use of terms of endearment bc it’s Dean

Words: 3K

Summary: He’s on the prowl.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, this is not your mother’s Dean Winchester, rough anal sex, crying during sex, blood during sex, there’s a lot of purple prose and excessive descriptions of taste and smell here, sexual coercion, dirty talk

Summary: They have balance.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, established relationship, cock warming

Summary: They aim to please.

Warnings/tags: mature, power exchange, Denny apparent

Hark and Hush - Purgatory Dean x wolf spirit in a female body

Summary: This is the story of how Dean Winchester hunted, became enamored with, and slew the ancient spirit of the Big Bad Wolf.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, this is not your mother’s Dean Winchester, stalking, blood, gore, rough sex, character death

Words: 2,200

Hide Your Love Away – Dean Winchester x female hunter reader

Summary: Mutual hunters seek comfort for a night and a lifetime of memories.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, ass play

Words: 3,600

His Sword - Michael/Dean x female prostitute

Summary: Michael takes some time to remind Dean who’s in control.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, edge play, bondage, knife play, blood play, choking, rough sex, name-calling, character death

Words: 2,300

Summary: Dean remembers promises and pictures in his mind. And he remembers her.

Warnings/tags: mature, songfic, angst, dream/afterlife sequences, purple prose, I’m sorry

Just My Imagination - Dean Winchester x female Zanna

Summary: After Mary leaves the boys a second time, Dean needs a reset, or to blow off some steam – something. He heads out on a snowy evening the night before Christmas and finds just the right thing.

Warnings/tags: mature, Hallmark channel fuckery

Words: 2,800

Summary: You’ve been missing something of paramount importance - until now.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, infidelity, squirting

More In The Mortar Than The Pestle - Dean Winchester x Rihanna

Summary: They know each other in the most significant ways.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, familiar yet casual sex partners, acrobatic kind of fuckery, one of these days Dean’s gonna pull a muscle, missionary sex on a fluffy rug

Words: 2K

One Night Only (23 in 1) - Dean Winchester x Mila (original female character)

Summary: While on a job in the middle of America, Dean enjoys a rigorous night of mutual gratification with a local art student.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, ass play, shower sex, dirty talk

Words: 5,500

Summary: It’s Dean’s first winter after sending Benny back to Purgatory.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, implied underage prostitution, semi-public sex

Rules Are Rules - MOC Dean Winchester x female reader

Summary: Dean hasn’t been himself lately. The Mark has seen to that.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, hand around the throat, rough sex, squirting

Words: 2,410

Shattered Like A Stone - Demon Dean Winchester x original female character

Summary: The Mark is demanding, and the demon in Dean can’t deny it any more than he can deny her; it just might get everything it wants tonight.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, this is not your mother’s Dean Winchester, rough sex, bondage, multiple object insertion, suicidal ideation, darkfic, self-destruction, bloody sex, sadism and masochism, analsex, Jameson as lube, spit as lube, face fucking, Daddy as title, misogynist language, choking, strangulation, assisted suicide

Words: 6,800

Summary: He lost everything.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, plush pink pillow lips for my Eloise

Spark, Flicker, Blaze - Dean Winchester x female reader

Summary: Somewhere along the line, her life became something she didn’t like. On her 35th birthday, she makes a decision to change all of that.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, overly descriptive orgasms, Dean’s the best birthday present ever

Words: 2,200

Supernova - MOC Dean Winchester x female reader

Summary: Since Dean’s had the Mark and the Blade, he’s pulled away from you, afraid of hurting you. You miss him, and you’ve had it. One night you push him to the edge.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, bondage, blood play, biting, bruising, knifeplay, rough sex, dubcon/mindfuck

Words: 2,500

Triptych - Dean Winchester x bisexual female couple

Summary: Dean’s on a case and meets two beautiful women. One of them is recently divorced, and the new couple invites Dean to help them kick off their new life together.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, sex toy, Dean’s real good at sex

Words: 4,700

FLASHFIC

*random ideas, prompts, challenges - usually 1K or less

Barbed Wire Carnival - Choose your own Winchester

Summary: Absence of feeling.

Warnings/tags: mature, angst, dark descriptions

Words: 300

Brimstone - Dean Winchester x female reader

Summary: He’s exactly what she wants.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY surprise, bitch

Words: 450

Bring It On Home - Dean Winchester x female reader

Summary: Let’s pretend Dean wouldn’t be terrified to welcome love into his life.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, established relationship, comfort, fluff, handsy Dean

Words: 1,200

Communion - Dean Winchester x female reader

prompt: Fluffy dean or Jensen smoking weed plz, ty

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, marijuana use

Words: about 1K

Crash Through The Surface - Dean Winchester x Jasen (original male character)

Summary: Dean remembers his First.

Warnings/tags: mature, bi-sexual Dean, references to prostitution

Words: 800

Custard Pie - Dean Winchester x female reader

Prompt: Dean/OFC based on Led Zeppelin’s ‘Custard Pie.’

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY oral sex

Words: 800

Discord and Rhyme - Knight of Hell/Demon Dean x female reader

Summary: He’s on the prowl.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, this is not your mother’s Dean Winchester, rough anal sex, crying during sex, blood during sex, there’s a lot of purple prose and excessive descriptions of taste and smell here, sexual coercion, dirty talk

Words: 1,750

Drag You To The Shore - Dean Winchester x GN reader

Prompt: Dean Winchester settled in between someone’s legs on the bed. Like his back to their chest, their legs wrapped around him, heels keeping his thighs open while they jerk him off, explicit but soft vibes.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY

Words: 800

Equilibrium - Dean Winchester x female reader

Summary: They have balance.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, established relationship, cock warming

Words: 1,400

Foxholes - Annie Hawkins x Bobby Singer/Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester

Summary: Annie recalls time spent with each man and what their facial hair told her about them.

Warnings/tags: mature language and references to sexual activity

Words: 349

The Gazelle - AU Dean Winchester x AU Benny Lafitte x female reader

Summary: They aim to please.

Warnings/tags: mature, power exchange, Denny apparent

Words: 1K

The Good Slayer - Dean Winchester x Faith Lehane

Prompt: Dean and our girl Faith. (This is a sequel of sorts for Pretty Reckless.)

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, talking during sex

Words: 800

Hollow - MOC Dean Winchester x female reader

prompt: Would anyone be willing to write something with Dean [or Jensen] x reader to the song Love on the Brain by Rihanna

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, dirty talk, rough sex, angst

Words: 1,200

I’ll Keep Them Still - Dean Winchester x Jo Harvelle

Summary: Dean remembers promises and pictures in his mind. And he remembers her.

Warnings/tags: mature, songfic, angst, dream/afterlife sequences, purple prose, I’m sorry

Words: 1,100

Just One More Peaceful Day - MOC Dean Winchester x female reader

Prompt: angsty Dean with the line “I can still remember just the way you taste” from the song “It’s been a while” by Staind

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, blood play, knife play, mentions of addiction

Words: 710

Laissez Les Bons Temp Rouler -  Dean Winchester x female reader

Summary: He’s got a dirty mouth when he’s drunk. 

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, dirty talk, a dirty public bathroom during Mardi Gras

Words: 600

Lifting the Veil - Choose Your Own Winchester

Summary: You’ve been missing something of paramount importance - until now.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, infidelity, squirting

Words: 1,200

Mind Blown - Dean Winchester x female reader

Summary: Mind-blowing orgasms can sometimes be literal.

Warnings/tags: mature, transient global amnesia after sex, dirty talk

Words: 560

Nihilism - Knight of Hell/Demon Dean x female reader

Prompt: Can you tell me about the morning after going several rounds with Dean he rolls over in bed and adjusts the covers, causing you to forget your shift to be his good girl a couple more times?

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, this is not your mother's Dean Winchester, name-calling, rough sex, nihilistic themes, Knight of Hell Dean, fantasies of being fucked to death? Idk it’s one of mine, might as well be yours, you’re female AFAB in this scenario

Words: 800

One For Tomorrow, One Just For Today - Dean Winchester x female reader

Prompt: before leaving on a hunt, Dean sings “Love Me Two Times” to his lady.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLT, Dean can actually sing, and he does it during sex

Words: 660

Recompense - Dean Winchester x female reader

Summary: Dean is sorry for hurting the ones he loves.

Warnings/tags: mature, angst, Dean saying hurtful things then trying to make up for it

Words: 500

River - Dean Winchester x Ty (Original male character), Dean x Benny implied

Summary: It’s Dean’s first winter after sending Benny back to Purgatory.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, implied underage prostitution, semi-public sex

Words: 1,600

Scream - Dean Winchester x past-female reader

Summary: Dean tells us the real reason he loves “All Saint’s Day” as much as he does.

Warnings/tags: mature, references to coming untouched, getting turned on by scary movies

Words: 320

Soft Cell - Dean Winchester + teenage female

Prompt: Dean + reader dancing in the bunker

Warnings/tags: one F-bomb bc Dean

Words: 720

Some Stranger’s Hand - 2009 Dean Winchester x 2014 Risa (The End)

Summary: He lost everything.

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, plush pink pillow lips for my Eloise

Words: 1,700

Stuff & Thangs That Are Awesome… And Not Awesome - Dean Winchester x female character (1st person POV)

*TWD Crossover

Prompt(s): 1) Dean has been arrested twice for indecent exposure – once was in a grocery store. 2) Jensen or Dean x Reader, a small public place, he pins you to the wall, covers your mouth and fucks you. 

Characters: Dean Winchester, Bobby Singer, Rick Grimes, Shane Walsh

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, Rick Grimes eye-fucking, Shane Walsh having a pissing contest with a young, cocky Dean Winchester

Words: 1,260

Through The White Night - AU Dean Winchester x original female character

Summary: 18th Century matrimony isn’t as simple as it is today.

Warnings/tags: mentions of wall sex and finger-y things

Words: 560

When We Fall Then We’ll Know Each Other - Dean Winchester x Benny Lafitte (voyeur Castiel)

Prompt: “There’s nothing wrong with women, but a woman can’t hold you down and fuck you like I can.” 

Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, cum and spit as lube, anal sex, voyeurism

Words: 1,500

Wish - Dean Winchester x female reader

Summary: You want it to be love – but it isn’t. You want him – but you can’t have him. 

Warnings/tags: mature, sepia-toned angst ™ @boondoctorwho

Words: 765

With Pleasured Hands - Dean Winchester x female reader

Summary: He’s got secrets she has yet to uncover

Warnings/tags: mature

Words: 500

I wouldn’t have stayed in the fanfiction game for so long if it weren’t for a handful of friends and fellow writers, folks who encourage and inspire me daily. This list is only a fraction of what my friend can do/has done, and i highly recommend all of it.

@minefield-of-a-ninja 💙💙💙

@boondoctorwho

Catwalk

That’s just Tim Curry in The Worst Witch, though. I see no cat.

Full Video: Riekko mukana hiihtoreissulla, Tolkuton Willow ptarmigan included in ski trip

For the love of god, PLEASE UNMUTE!!!

ptarmigan: [in a deep, croaking voice] awow awow awow awow awow awow awow. awow. awow. awow… awow… bup bup bup bup bup bup. pow. pow. pow.

Eyebrows,,,,,,,,,,,,,…….

I needed this on a cellular level.

what if vampires are like mosquitoes and only the ladies drink blood

Pretty sure that would mean the fellas drink tree sap or something. Imagine running from a vampire thru the woods and passing her husband who’s biting a tree real hard

Maple syrup vampire husband

Encounter: Maple syrup vampire husband drinking sap in the woods, also trying to lure you to his literally bloodthirsty wife.

The wife has the classic Villain Of The Night aesthetic, all black, flowing cape, everything, and her husband is wearing red flannel, overalls, a beard, and is welding a log-splitting axe

This person gets it! Classic vampire lady and her lumberjack husband!

I regret nothing

LUMBERDRAC

28 Days Teaser for Chapter Two

Chapter Two will be up on Wednesday, February 8!

Catch Up Here

So like all the gifs that indicate i am excited and eagerly anticipating the rest of the chapter make it seem like the chapter is full of action and cliffhanger. Honestly I’m just really looking forward to it and had to stop myself from messaging you multiple times today and yesterday to ask if it was Wednesday yet.

No, but really, is it Wednesday yet?

Inside Your Safe Haven

Summary: “This is the last time.” Joel always says. You both know it’s not.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader

Warnings: Language. Smut. Rough sex. Angst. Darker tone. You know me. 

A/N: I don’t even know what to write here. Nerd Gummy Clusters were sent from God. 

He takes it all out on you. All of it. Inundates you in the isolated ghost of the night when the remnants of the world are back in their bunks and the zone is on lockdown. Joel sneaks into your room, props a chair against the door to jam the lock, and pushes you back onto your mattress that sags with the weight of you both.

Keep reading

Absolutely, bitterly gorgeous

which one of u was going to tell me that tea tastes different if u put it in hot water?

y- you were putting it in cold water?????

Radish. Answer the question radish.

yeah??? i thought for like. 5 years that ppl just put it in hot water 2 speed up the tea-ification process didn’t realize there was an actual reason

You dont have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes???

[ID: Tags reading “u think i have the patience to boil water wtf ?????” /End ID]

why are you. putting it in the microwave to boil it

Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove

Its takes less than a minute

Bestie is ur stovetop powered by the fucking sun

How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove

Like seven minutes

Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat n it boils in like two minutes… less than that is u use a saucepan…

Crying you’re putting the whole mug on the stove ???? On medium heat???? Ur stove is enchanted

Every single person in this post is a fucking lunatic

Yet another post that reads like four shakespeare characters who come out in the middle of the play to talk about something completely unrelated for comic relief

(Enter RADISHN’T, MOTHMAN MISATO, BOIMG FROG and CATS'N RAINCOATS, stage left. They are having a HEATED DISCUSSION.)

RADISHN’T: Prithee, which one of you had planned to tell

Of diff'rent flavours gained by simple act

Of brewing tea with water hot, not cold?

MOTHMAN: Egad! you poured the water cold? Wherefore?!

FROG: An answer from you, Radish, I must beg.

RADISHN’T: Indeed I did, dear friends - why does this shock?

Without the guide of others I assumed

That heat was merely added for the sake

Of expediting this solution’s brewing!

Half a decade I have spent, or more,

Not questioning this worldview I had made.

In fact, I am myself a bit surprised

That you might think that I, your dearest friend,

Might have a patience of sufficient stock

To wait until a pot of water boils.

FROG: Three minutes overtaxes patience so?

The microwave will beep when it is done!

CATS'N: My friend, this answer vexes me the more!

Can it be true that thou dost boil by nuke?!

FROG: Are you in turn, my friend, so shocked to know

That I have not the patience, like our Root,

To boil upon the stove our favour’d drink?

CATS'N: It takes less than a minute!

FROG: On what plate?

Perhaps your dinner cooks atop the sun?

CATS'N: How long can take your stove to fill the task

Of boiling but a single cup alone?

FROG: In minutes?

CATS'N: Yes!

FROG: I counted seven, once.

CATS'N: Perhaps you ought to have your timepiece checked!

If on a middle heat you place the cup

You soon will have the scalding drink you crave.

Two minutes, in a mug upon the plate

Or even less, if you should have a pot.

FROG: You cause me tears - is this how thou dost live?

You place upon the iron stove a mug?

A mug, ceramic, filled with water cold?

How do these flames, though medium in height,

Not shatter like a glass this fragile thing?

Surely, then, your kitchen is bewitched

With magicks far beyond the mortal ken!

(The FOUR realise they have wandered into the THRONE ROOM. The ROYAL COURT watches with fascination.)

KING: Ev'ry single person in this group must be a fucking lunatic, it seems.

I’m sorry but the THOUGHT that has been put into this, I actually CAN’T—

The fact that nearly every line is so metrically considered- near perfect iambic pentameter witb the occasional trochee for emphasis, but usually retaining a strong sense of rhythm nonetheless. And then the king comes in at the end, so wound in his disbelief that his response is reduced to prose.

And the even better thing about this is how easy it would have been to structure the king’s line into iambic pentameter: it is effectively already said as such because of the way wizardlyghost has phrased it, yet they haven’t!! They did not break the line, rendering what, by all typically of both Shakespearean canon and other periods context should be the character with the most command and authority in the whole play. If there was ever a more effective way to convey a genuine “what the fuck??”, I know of it not.

But it gets better!! Shakespeare regularly uses meter in order to represent class divide; the nobility usually speak in iambic pentameter, save for a few particularly chosen moments (e.g. Lady Macbeth’s descent into madness, Othello’s realisation of Desdemona’s “betrayal”) or just lines where Shakespeare needs to suggest high emotion or when a character is lost in thought. Supernatural characters like the fairies in A Midsummer Night’s Dream and the Witches in Macbeth usually speak in trochaic tetrameter, an inversion of iambic pentameter. Lower class characters, particularly those used for comic relief (usually under the influence of alcohol), speak with no structure at all: their language is plain prose. Therefore, if this is a conversation between these types of characters, as the prompt from silvergirachi suggests, why the hell are the characters speaking so eloquently???

Now, this is Tumblr. It is subsequently logical to assume that this may have merely been a humorous recreation (and a very good one at that) of the Shakespearean style in a way that is widely recognisable to an audience that may or may not have read a great deal of Shakespeare, which is understandable. However, logic is boring so I’m going to probe further into this to the point where future historians will look to this as an example of overanalysing.

The inherent eloquence of the characters here suggests an unusual subversion of the roles typically assumed in Shakespearean comedy. This could be interpreted along two major avenues: firstly, that the rhetoric displayed by the speakers is fundamentally representative of how truth can be expected even from the most seemingly pointless or ludicrous discussions. Furthermore, it could suggest that it matters not how well constructed your speeches are: if you talk bullshit, it’s going to sound that way despite your attempts to hide it.

This is similar but not identical to the second avenue of interpretation: there is the implication that the noblemen in the play are in fact the comic relief characters, therefore implying that the “common people” of the play are the ones whose influence, though not expressed in such a highly spoken manner, makes a lot more sense than whatever the hell this is. If this was a real Shakespeare play, I would call it a subtle exploration into the innate corruption of the rich and powerful. Well done, op.

Now, I doubt any of this is actually grounded analysis in any way, shape or form, but if someone else can take this to the extremes of writing a Shakespearean scene, why can I not analyse it as such? And where else to do so than Tumblr?

im in tears i didnt think anyone would put this much analysis into this‚ thank you so much

i also like that everyone else gets a version of their handle and then tumblr user pidoop is promoted to king

Oh my god you’re right no one mentions that you can use an electric kettle to make the tea.

i’ve been getting notifications from this post for over a year now and i can assure you, literally fucking everyone mentions that you can use an electric kettle to make tea.

I just

I can’t

I want

Why is he