bucket of wet slop. grins

Some helpful phrases I think when I’m starting to spiral:

I find a lot of these helpful for when I’m having urges too.

Silly phone, you're not detecting an analog audio accessory, you're detecting soup, from the bowl of soup I dropped you in.

Sara Sigurdardottir - Your pain is my pain

"haha transgenders who don’t go outside" - the person who is the direct reason why said transgenders can't go outside

this is also how i feel whenever people joke about transfems having 'otaku' or 'shut-in' hobbies like programming, music, digital art, and games and anime. like people act like it's naturalized either al la 'male socialization' or 'trans culture' when in reality that's literally just what people end up doing when they are forced to spend the majority of their lives indoors lest they die off before their 20s.

ma’am your child’s blood test came back with over 6,000 diabolichrons. that’s the highest ive ever seen. this is gonna be the evilest baby of all time

women keep coming up to me giggling and blushing and running their finger along the edge of my mighty greatsword like STOP theres literally evil afoot

was measuring out some sugar and i scooped out one spoonful and fucking said "two." i didn't know you could even lose count that fast

if we all worked together we could probably infuse a bronze idol with some powers

There are FOUR sacred shapes

There are SEVEN sacred spheres

There are TWELVE sacred animals

There are TEN sacred herbs

There are THIRTY sacred freaks

just born yesterday. me and my dumb fuck life

>pick up keys for new apartment

>try keys, don't work

>call property manager

>she shows up, explains reception gave us the wrong keys

>pulls put the master key to open it

>its a 0 lift key

im so fucked

yall i cannot stress this enough the master key is a fucking bump key. like this.

my shits gonna get fucked by LockPickingParalegal

fuck it, i'm curious. reblog and tag with the first fictional death to ever rewrite your brain chemistry and/or make you cry like a baby. mine was ares from the underland chronicles (who, for context, was a giant bat.) to this day i will weep if i think too hard about it. okay, go.

my notes app is a wonderful place with lots of little forgotten treasures for me to find later and appreciate my poetic brilliance 😌

ramune dick you have to suck from a particular angle or nothing comes out