I love this picture so much! Post it whenever I come across it.
Inner Mongolian Child
The little girlโs name is Butedmaa and she was just 5 when this picture was taken in 2003 by Han Chengli.
(I used to have a printout of this at my desk at work because I just loved looking at it so much.)
Speaking of porn logistics, another personal favourite bit of fuckery is when an artist draws a picture containing multiple dicks, then produces a separate alt for every possible ejaculatory configuration, like there are four dicks and sixteen alts such that there's a version where only dick A is jizzing, a version where only dick B is jizzing, a version where dicks A and B but not C are jizzing, and so forth. I'm imagining some high-class dick connoisseur with exquisitely rarefied tastes out there like "yes, I want to see this character getting jizzed on, but only by the dick on the far left โ the other dicks can wait their turn".
Some day I'm going to write a spy thriller where it turns out that the conspirators are sending coded messages via those E-Hentai galleries full of endless microscopically differing jizz alts, where each image contains four dicks and each dick serves as a one-bit component of a hexadecimal encoding.
Brb gotta encode national secrets into my hentai art
Hey fun facts that are fun together :
* as a reverse engineer, I have worked on extracting these sorts of arts from hentai games.
* the game art does this sort of thing so that the story can toggle between different versions. Maybe you didn't get enough Friendship Points with Tgirl Jessica, so she's not ejaculating in this picture.
* the games are often smarter about this than the galleries: instead of storing every combination of ejaculating/not-ejaculating, they store 1 base image, then separate per-dick ejaculatory overlays. So if you've got 4 dicks, this means they have 5 images instead of all 16 possibilities. But this makes no sense in an image gallery, so you have to compose the images together. You'd think all-off and all-on are the only options you need, but some people are content maximalists. (it's possible site policies regarding quotas and stuff is encouraging this behavior).
* around the same time I was working on tools to extract images from hentai games, I also was working on tools to steganographically hide files inside images, in several ways. This was in part because I was working with 4chan at the time and helping them catch files hidden inside images, because channers were turning 4chan into an arbitrary file sharing site (is it a jpeg or a neutral milk hotel album? It's both!), using it to bypass filtering/moderation (you put an image inside an image and now you can't see the internal image unless you extract it. Maybe it breaks the rules. Breaking the rules on /b/ is very bad), or hiding viruses in there (viruses that then post themselves back to 4chan and the cycle continues!)
* This is also when I worked for the US government
So all those facts put together, I'll just say that IF it turns out secret government agents were hiding confidential information encoded into the images of hentai game ejaculations galleries, then... it was me, and I did it back in 2009.
Foone Turing, the trans Ian Fleming for the digital age.
Reverse ravenloft, characters from a grim nightmare world are good enough to be sucked to the cuddles and smile dimension
Also, through their grimdark training (plus years of compacted trauma), they're the only ones able to perceive the massive, horrifying inequalities in the cuddles and smile dimension.
"Wait, how long has King Sunshine ruled? How long does his species usually have? You... you have a "hug festival" every year, where everyone donates their hugs, because they love him? What the fuck. What the fuck."
"So the Lump-Rock Bugs work in the quarries and mines and sing about it, apparently. Has anyone actually noted the lyrics? The whole 'work all day, work all night, work in the dark, work in the light, work with our hands and our feetses too, there's nothing Lump-Rock Bugs won't do' thing? Has anyone ever... oh, they just love work? They want to do it because that's what they're for? No one ever looked at this critically? No one?"
"So I noticed that No-Fun Nora wasn't at the jelly-jam jamboree last night. Is she okay? Oh shit, really? What's the diagnosis? Wait, hang on, not wanting to be touched is considered a mental disorder here? What's the treatment? Hug therapy?! Where the fuck'd I leave my thieves' tools."
"So, funny story. I woke up today to find just a full-ass dude in my kitchen. Turns out the Dirty Word Detectives can just do that, y'now, let themselves into your house if they suspect you've been saying fuckwords. Also go through your mail. And no one thinks that's weird. So, y'now. Something to think about."
"Did any of you just have any weird dreams? Reminding you the hug festival was coming up? Yeah, so apparently there's a dream wizard who makes sure everyone has good dreams. Also apparently, he receives two chests of golden fairy apples from King Sunshine before every hug festival. And I know his f---ing address."
"So it took me a while to dig up - the librarian kept bursting into song about how 'you've got friends at the library' or something - but the only legal successor to King Sunshine was Princess Marmalade, and she was married off to Prince Starlight about seven years ago. Except I compared the dates and, apparently, she was 13 years old at the time. She stopped sending letters two years ago because she was 'too busy being in love'. Gas up the Teleportation Circle, we can't let this sit."
I'd just like to clarify some things about Senator Cory Booker's marathon Senate speech in protest of the present administration and everything they are doing to the American people.
Senator Booker was NOT allowed to sit down, eat, or use the bathroom during his speech. Sitting or leaving the room to use the bathroom would be considered yielding the floor. Eating would have interfered with his speaking and the person who has the senate floor must continue to speak, except when listening to questions that they will then answer.
He only took occasional sips of water.
The person who previously held the record for longest speech on the Senate floor did have bathroom breaks and also did things like read from the encyclopedia.
Senator Booker did not do that. His speech was to point out the damage that this administration is doing and he stayed on that subject.
Senator Booker's speech did reach many people. It wasn't a silly stunt that was done so that he could take the record for longest speech. He wanted to show the country that democrats will do something to bring attention to the problems we are facing. That democrats are listening to them.
Senator Cory Booker spoke for 25 hours and 4 minutes to "make good trouble."
also like, a Black man breaking Strom Thurmond's record is absolutely *chef's kiss*
for those who are too young to know about Strom, he was literally a white supremacist
He trained himself to give this speech by practicing and then implementing limits on food and water intake leading up to this. He cut out food for days, then cut out water the day before.
He then went to do an appearance on Maddow after yielding.
Btw much as I love to make fun of twitter and reddit's business decisions, I have 0% trust in tumblr's management to not go a similar route so this is your gentle reminder that you should regularly go to your blog settings to export your blog. That's a fancy way of saying you can download a backup of your blog so if everything goes down you'll still have a backup of your posts & convos.
It's gonna come as a surprise to most of you, but if you don't want to do that for whatever reason you're allowed to not reblog this post. I'm not holding a gun to your head here I'm just trying to spread the word for people who do want a backup of their stuff.
Also, made this guide for backup Tumblr blogs (ft. export blog method, and python 3 script method):
โSo basically my couch has electricity and I use it to charge my battery powered doorbellโ
โOkay that makes senseโ
Now explain it to a Japanese samurai from the year 1218
"do you know how waterwheels grind up grain in a water mill using the force of running water? We found a way to create a huge source of force that runs all the time and can transfer its force over long distance. I can tell you in more detail, but that's the basics. Now that is a chime that has a mechanism that one can press instead of having to open the door to let you know that you are waiting to be let in. It requires the transferred force to make the mechanism work and that wire is how we transfer the force to the chime."
I know this is going to make me sound pretensions but I have to get it off my chest. I feel an unimaginable rage when someone posts a photo and is like "this picture looks like a renaissance painting lol" when the photo clearly has the lighting, colors and composition of a baroque or romantic painting. There are differences in these styles and those differences are important and labeling every "classical" looking painting as renaissance is annoying and upsetting to me. And anytime I come across one of those posts I have to put down my phone and go take a walk because they make me so mad
In case you're curious here's what I mean.
Renaissance(distinct lines, stability and the individual man):
Baroque (bold, chaotic, dramatic):
Romantic(romanticize the simple hard working life):
Do you see the difference?
this post has re-wired my brain in the best way
RPG which initially appears to take place in a Dark Souls style shitdark setting, all crumbling ruins and brooding skies and asshole skeletons posing cryptic riddles, but then you get past the tutorial and it rapidly becomes apparent that literally only the player character's home region is like that.
To be clear, it's still a King Big Sad Guy, Who Did The Flame Thing scenario; it's just that the Flame Thing only affects the domain of the one who enacts it, and King Big Sad Guy was kind of a small-time warlord, so it only fucked up a region a couple dozen miles across.
(Following the reveal, this incongruity is played for laughs at first, but much later on, figuring out exactly how some random hill-fort-dwelling fuck managed to do the Flame Thing becomes critical to the plot.)
How I didnโt shoot my wife!
In a recent video, I included my take on the William/Wilhelm Tell shot. At the time I mentioned that there were safety precautions behind it. Here is some of the process I went through.
Remember, when you see someone performing a stunt on purpose, there is almost always a lot going on behind the scenes, whether thatโs physical failsafes, years of training and learning how to bail/fail safely, or (in many cases) both.
These things rarely eliminate the risk entirely, but by mitigating both the chance of something going wrong, and the severity if it does, it lets us do things that would otherwise be unthinkable. This was mine.
Normal silly videos will resume next week!
Yeah Mr. Darcyโs proposal was a complete turd and a half but you gotta understand. You got your life together. A good career, stable income, retirement plan, all that shit together. And you meet this girl. And sheโs everything. Clever, outspoken, funny, calls you on your bullshit. Grade A cutie, right? And she doesnโt go out of her way to spend time with you but sheโs nice, and sometimes you catch her looking your way in a way that makes you think you might have a shot.
But her family. Holy shit.
First off, itโs p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then youโre financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever
Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already youโre accepting that if all goes well, youโre gonna be one random old bagโs retirement home. Thatโs expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.
And girlyโs other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, so she probably wonโt be an issue, but that still leaves three more, and two of those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like itโs toilet paper
And while one of the two is young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedoโing her entire familyโs reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. Sheโs never gonna work, she canโt build connections, sheโs a fucking sinkhole, and sheโs being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit whoโs been bleeding you dry while telling anyone whoโll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.
And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- youโve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW sheโs gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and itโs not like you can lock her in the basement or something, youโre gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. Sheโs not even good to TALK to. FUCK
And youโre looking at this girlโs father like โplease for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their rรฉsumรฉ, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the graveโ and that old man just laughs like โhaha yeah, what can you do. lolโ
So youโre looking to the mom and finally itโs making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is youโre starting to realize sheโs the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like theyโre a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE
And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it sheโs still the most radiant thing youโve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, youโll do it. Youโll shoot your shot. Sheโs everything youโve ever wanted in anybody abut itโs not even just about that anymore, itโs about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesnโt like you all that much sheโs still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing itโs about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesnโt LOVE you at least youโll know sheโs well and cared for
And so youโll do it. Youโll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, youโll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and youโll make your own family deal with it too, youโll do it, youโll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker
And so you go to this chick like โlook. Your whole familyโs a shitshow. Youโve got fucking nothing and youโre gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I donโt get it either- Iโve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didnโt, but I did, so Iโm telling you that whether you like me or not, Iโll give you everything. Iโll give you everything even if itโs the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, Iโll marry you.โ
And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes โThe fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?โ
And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth And yeah
Yeah, I think I kinda get it
(and the prev tags)
#Pride and prejudice#fuuuuuuuck#Yeah you both kinda stupid#I forgot some shit donโt hate me#Also yes I forgot Mary but Iโm gonna say Darcy did too just to cover my ass
โฆYeah. Thatโs just about it, isnโt it?
(And then she nukes him from orbit. Which, despite the absolutely correct summing-up of the background, is still deeply satisfying.) ๐
People talk about Lolita like Humbert Humbert is a conflicted and dichotomous character and then you read the actual book and he's like "I love lying to people for fun and getting lost in flights of wild imagination and making things up and telling falsehoods. Also I look like a bunch of movie stars and every woman in the stories I tell thinks I'm darkly handsome."
HH: "I was in a mental institutions for reasons that are suspiciously never discussed where my favorite thing to do was lie to the psychologists."
Readers: "I think he might be lying about being in love with a child but it's impossible to know for sure."
The edition I'm reading had a little introduction like "is Humbert Humbert a poet in love? Or a dangerous pervert? Perhaps...he is both." ๐ค๐ค๐ค
And then you turn the page to the forward and it's like "Hi. It's me. Vladimir Nabokov, speaking as a diagetic psychologist. Humbert Humbert is a consumate monster. Don't trust anything he says."
My NSFW Catgirls zine.
"Before 1914, the earth had belonged to all. People went where they wished and stayed as long as they pleased. There were no permits, no visas, and it always gives me pleasure to astonish the young by telling them that before 1914, I travelled from Europe to India and America without a passport and without ever having seen one."
-Stefan Zweig
Borders as we know them are a recent concoction.
The passport system as we know it dates to the First World War. ICE was founded in 2003 as part of the so-called "War on Terror," a disaster for freedom in every way.
These institutions are neither timeless nor beneficial nor inevitable.
genuinely wheezing laughing at this description of dicken's awful pet with lead poisoning
important thing i forgot to mention: i looked this up bc adam read a thing about how dicken's pet was an inspiration for poe's "the raven" and we were like "well thats not true" but now that ive looked it up, i believe it
Yep! Dickens cited Grip as inspiration for the talking raven in his novel Barnaby Rudge, and Poe was one of its earliest critics (literary critic here being a career title, poe quite liked the work), and he spent time in his review discussing how raven could have been utilized to a stronger effect. Some time later, he used that concept in The Raven.
Dickens was distraught at Grip's passing and had him preserved. He currently resides in the US, in the Free Library of Philadelphia's rare books archive in Pennsylvania and can be visited with appointment.
@hydrofelicity Good stranger, pray do not hide this gem amongst the tags
