with everything being what it's been this week i think it's important to state emphatically that my life is genuinely so much better for having trans people in it. my trans friends are some of the coolest kindest people around and I dread to think what kind of person I'd be without them. if you don't have any trans friends I hope you get the opportunity to make one or two or several and let them expand your world and I hope that you care for them in turn. I love you trans men I love you trans women I love you nonbinary friends you are all beautiful handsome radiant and cool

saw a video abt how the “toxic boy mom” thing is just emotional incest/enmeshment and i was like yeah correct. then i looked at the comments and it was all ppl blaming the sons??? mocking them, saying they should just get over it, saying no woman should ever date them, that if their mom is like that then it’s their fault for “allowing” it and like. y’all i do not know how else to explain that a parent abusing their child (bc that’s what emotional incest is) is not the child’s fault. if you realize your partner is a victim of enmeshment/emotional incest, you should handle it the same way you would with any other abuse victim, with care and tact and offers of support. not mockery and blame. jesus christ.

“he lets her walk all over him, he always has to ask her permission to make important life decisions, she always asks really invasive questions and he just answers her like it’s normal, he doesn’t set boundaries with her so she just does whatever she wants, she threatened to hurt herself if he didn’t give her attention and he just gave in immediately”

do u not see how this is textbook signs of abuse. is that not glaringly obvious.

I mean, obviously don't blame children for being abused - but like at a certain point, as an adult, you are responsible for yourself and your own life and even if it's not your fault for being abused, it is your responsibility to set boundaries and cut off abusers. Like, you can be as supportive as you want, but if the adult man doesn't agree to end or distance himself from an abusive relationship, then what can you do? That's ultimately his responsibility as an adult.

“at a certain point you’re responsible for your own life […] it is your responsibility to set boundaries and cut off abusers”

you really do not know how abuse works, and also this is victim blaming 101.

“you can be as supportive as you want but if the adult man doesn’t agree to end or distance himself from an abusive relationship, what can you do?”

not a lot, which should be sad. it should make you sad to see that a person is being abused and isn’t able to leave yet because they are still heavily conditioned by their abuser to not see the abuse. also if we actually treated these types of abusive relationships as abusive and interacted with victims as victims then i guarantee you more men would cut off their abusive mothers.

and this shit is what i’m talking abt. bc this is not a reaction most people who consider themselves to be progressive and anti-abuse would have if the victim was a woman — not bc victims who are women are inherently treated better, but bc patriarchal norms still heavily affect the way we treat abuse victims. women are weaker and therefore when they’re victims they need more help, they need someone to protect them. when men are victims, it’s their own failure for not being strong and masculine enough to protect themselves. when the truth is that regardless of gender, victims of abuse are vulnerable and need to be treated with kindness and patience. bc if you infantilize or mock someone who’s being abused, it’s just going to further entrench them in the abuse.

y'all wanna know when I got the "and how is your behavior contributing to this continued enmeshment?" Talk from my therapist?

First, let me emphasize, it was a talk my therapist had with me. Not a random stranger, not someone who didn't intimately know the conditions of my life at that time.

Now, when did my therapist have this talk with me? When I was already well aware that what I had gone through was abuse, I was healing from it, and I was actively trying to go no-contact but couldn't let myself fully disengage because of guilt that my abusers put there.

When the LITERAL ONLY THING KEEPING ME IN CONTACT was having not hit the block button yet. That's when. Not when my abusers were a part of my day-to-day life, not when I was financially entangled with them, not when I still needed them for some things, not when I didn't have a stable non-abusive support network. After ALL of that groundwork was done, that's when the question became "how are you keeping this going?"

And it was such a gentle question. And it was said with such care and genuine concern for my wellbeing. And if it had been said ANY earlier, it would have injured me. It would have pushed me back towards my abusers, or towards finding brand new abusers. It would have proved, to the parts of me that were taught to believe it, that I deserved to be treated that way.

The hell of it is, I am ultimately responsible for how I get treated, because I am the only one who can make me leave a situation I don't want to be in anymore. That is my power. The hell of it is, that same phrase, that's used to keep abuse victims right where they are! "If you don't like the way you're treated, why are you still here?" (Followed by any number of 'reasons' proposed for why leaving isn't an option and also how the victim is being treated isn't that bad)

Moving from victim to survivor is NOT fucking simple, and it's so easy to leave one abusive situation and fall right into another because you don't have the skills to survive outside of one. I still find myself falling into the habits of being abused, of acting like I am not a free human being, because that was ingrained into me for years as the only way to avoid punishment and have my needs be even slightly met. It's not that simple, and enmeshing parents should be the focus of our ire when we are talking about dysfunctional parent-child relationships, even and especially when it is mother-son, since our society just, TELLS mothers who are emotionally dissatisfied by their relationships with their peers that there is ONE (1) man who will never leave you or hurt you and that man is your son. Absolutely not. Those moms need to fix their shit, get a divorce, and join a knitting club and LEAVE THEIR SONS AND THEIR ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS THE HELL ALONE.

you ever think about how the piña colada song and kate bush's babooshka are technically songs about the same topic but with incredibly different tones

does this make sense to anyone else

🌟 オランジェ by may_orangeto 🏝️ DA-7017-8815-2437

A bright and breezy waterfront town.

Couldn’t let alqueda win you fucking pussies

I’ve read the article about him, he outright said he was so shocked by 9/11 the only thing he could think to do was go bowling

Big Lebowski energy here

'Fuck it, let's go bowling '

Words to live by

"New York Style" cat scratching towers. Never forget playtime

Hijacker got stuck, America wins

in your mind

i always click the "track package" button as soon as i get the email. "oh boy i wonder where my package is!" warehouse.

It’s crazy and fucked up that being yourself is actually the solution.

It’s like. When I was told to “just be yourself” as a kid I thought it was a passive thing. Like oh easy I just have to sit here and be myself. but the reason so many people think that “being yourself” is bullshit advice is because you actually have to make active choices to do this and it WILL make your life way more fun. You have to wear t-shirts of bands that were popular ten years ago because you like them. You have to do your hair in a way that you find cute or comfortable even if it’s “so nineties”. If your friend says a food you enjoy is gross to them, you can’t be afraid to admit you casually disagree. You have to do hobbies that you’re interested in even if you’re bad at them and you cant feel like you have to get good at something before you tell people it’s an activity you do. You have to read manga and comic books in public and get piercings your relatives think are unattractive. You don’t have to tell people you dislike that you dislike them, but you don’t have to give them your time and attention either. You have to rewatch that kids show you’re nostalgic for even if you’re in your 30s. You have to change your name if you hate it, even if only a few close friends can know. You have to get fun girly drinks at the bar. You have to order hot chocolate when you don’t like coffee and black coffee when you don’t like sweet things. I am still bad at practicing this but it is the only way to make it all tolerable.

First you have to realize that "yourself" is a construct built by the decisions you make. Then it becomes clear that being yourself is a deliberate and intentional practice, not a passive state of existence.

googling how to slip into a huge beautiful life meant for me

you can never obtain a life so beautiful with an action as passive as a slip

googling how to ram into a huge beautiful life meant for me

yoou guys wont be laughing when i suddenly collapse unconscious and have to be taken to the hospital. then youll all see <- normal thought process to have while doing anything i dont want to

You'll never fuck a weird bitch if you have no whimsy

Ink, gel pen, and acrylic over a risograph texture I printed. 11x14 on bristol.

I did a walkthrough of the process on my website.

Mar 25 - Bangle vs financial responsibility.