being obsessed with old men isnt easy. but somebody has to do it

I’m cry I scored 60, I feel blind

so everyone is aware, a lower score on this means a better score.

I got a 30!!!!!!!! Yes!

What do I win?

Spikey beast is my friend :)

you know what's funny is I've never in my life had an account hacked because someone guessed my password but I have had my information compromised because of the shitty cybersecurity of organizations like this one that insist I make a permanent account and store my personal information with them indefinitely so that I can make a single purchase or pay a single bill or apply for a single job I won't even get at least a dozen times in my life

Diet culture is hilarious and rad actually

rethink your weekend. Harder liquor on an emptier stomach is just what you need. Trust me, I’m a doctor.

yippee i love being for whom the bell tolls 😁 #mybell

Maladaptive deeply held belief: nobody could ever love me. Im going to die alone

Positive counterthought: maybe someone has an exceptionally rare form of mental illness that would cause them to make the grave mistake of wanting to fuck me

If you think about it…. the acronym KYS isn’t saying “kill yourself,” it’s saying Kill Your Self. Three words. As in, kill the concept of the “Self” - your consciousness’s perception that it is an individual, that it has one meaningful isolated identity that is “you,” that it is not but a droplet in the grand ocean of interconnected souls of all living beings in this universe. I think this is beautiful. Embrace ego death and become one with everything. Everyone should KYS

socks are the primary producers of the laundry biome. they typically mate for life and come in a wide variety of patterns, though—unlike shoes, which many theorize to be a symbiotic species—they lack sexual dimorphism. juvenile socks resemble their parents, but have yet to develop the long necks that distinguish socks from other species of the extremity family, such as mittens

the lint trap is a fascinating example of a decomposer. it relies on the environment to bring food in the form of detritus, which it then breaks down into lint. lint traps have relatively long lives in comparison with other species (especially given the recent downward trends in lifespan, which are likely caused by a combination of genetic bottlenecks and poor nutrition). the lint trap has an unusual relationship with fire—some theorize that it uses fire as a tool to increase resource availability, while others believe that its frequent proximity to fire is due to environmental factors

the apex predator of the laundry biome is, of course, the dreaded duvet cover. duvet covers lead solitary lives, and are rarely seen socializing with one another. its preferred prey is socks, although it is an opportunistic eater and will prey upon much larger targets, such as t-shirts, leggings, and even sheets. aside from its large territory and antisocial nature, its behaviors are poorly known and highly controversial. one major theory is that the duvet cover is an ambush predator, lying in wait for its prey. another is that the duvet cover seeks out prey, using its superior size and large mouth to overwhelm its victims in a matter of seconds. a third, less popular supposition is that the duvet cover lures its victims to it by mimicking the laundry bag, a preferred shelter for many residents of the laundry biome. more research on this topic is necessary

nature is brutal

The cruel and fierce cycle of violence destroys all who fall victim to it’s ceaseless turning. and yet as it strikes 12 once more, a new tone tolls in it’s deafening roar. a sound of hope. a sound of peace. the sound of good deals, now for only $15.23.

so much care put into housing this aging spider. why are my eyes wet

(tiktok link)

Alien Scientist: No, you don’t understand. Humans will pack bond with anything.

If you are trying to overcome a fear of spiders I can’t recommend this TikTok enough. They never post jump scares and always put warnings if a spider moves fast in a video. All of the videos are super cute and portray the spiders in a very positive and non threatening manner. 11/10 would recommend.

My 11-month male cat lets my foster kittens nurse on him.

(Source)

im sorry these are the funniest tags ive ever seen

[cheerfully] i've been in self-made hells worse than this

they call me the freaker outer the way I’m always freaking outing

advice i think we should tell children is that when adults say stuff like ‘now that i’m an adult i get really excited about stuff like coffee tables and bathrooms and rugs etc’ they don’t mean ‘and now i don’t care about blorbo and squimbus from my childhood tv shows anymore’ bc your average adult still loves all the same pop culture stuff they always did; they just have a greater appreciation for the mundane as well. growing up just means you can enjoy life twice as much now. you can get really excited about a new stuffed animal AND about a new kitchen sponge. peace and love

You get bigger so you can store even MORE love and appreciation for the world inside of you

It means you'll be at the antique mall looking at a coffee table and thinking "blorbo and Squimbus would LOVE this coffee table"

It won’t let me reblog EVERYONE LOOK

Neil!!!

ITS APRIL 13 YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

FETCH ME NEIL

Still banging.