Pinned
every day i wake up and mourn the loss of the american automat
Reblogged ofishal-fish-posts
I love being a popular Tumblr user so I can give my failmutuals 10-20 more notes on their posts
lets go team hey wait what was that last one
Reblogged mocha-moth
its just embarrassing when you make a fandom related post and it doesnt get any notes like okay. so no one want to play tuoys with me. no one wants to play with our little guys together. okay thats fine. yeah its cool... puts my hands in my jacket pockets. kicks a beer can that was on the side of the road a little
Reblogged transgenderboobs
does anybody else have a discord server thats only yourself and nobody else exclusively used to send images from your mobile phone to your tablet or computer
Reblogged mocha-moth
did good on my bread final
no no no no. you did well, not good. you do well, you are good.
thanks for the grammar lesson but I don’t need it. I’m majoring in bread
Reblogged mocha-moth
straightgirls
OH MY GOD.
“I was 14, I didn’t know what I was doing.”
whaT THE FUCK
smallestwitchwiththebiggesthat
This story has no goddamn brakes
(transcript because I couldn’t find one in the notes)
Stephen Colbert: A lot of writers say they were nerdy kids, unpopular, like outcasts, or that sort of thing; was that your experience growing up?
BJ Novak: I think that’s exaggerated, I think a lot of people love to say, ‘oh I was such a nerd’ or ‘I was such a rebel, I sat in the back of the bus’. Most people sat in the middle of the bus. That’s how buses work. So, you know, people say-
Colbert: So you were sitting in the middle?
Novak: Yeah, that’s where I sat! I mean, I did my homework and y'know, dreamed of being a bit of a rebel. I did a very nerdy version of rebellion, which I guess is sort of my way of balancing where I sat on the bus. When I was 14, I got it in my head that I wanted a fake ID. and I committed what- the only term for it is ‘identity theft’, to get this fake ID. So this is the kind of nerd- I’ve never told this story before, this is pretty much the nerdiest way you can be like, ‘a bad kid’. I went to the Newton library where I grew up, and I went through their polling records… buckle in.
Colbert: I think you’ve already - just that sentence has violated a federal law, but go ahead.
Novak: Yeah, there’s a handful of these, and I actually tried to google the statute of limitations on this before the show and couldn’t get the WiFi.
Colbert: Okay.
Novak: So I looked up -this is true- I looked up someone that was 21 years old, through their polling records.
Colbert: And you’re 14.
Novak: I was 14 years old, I looked up someone who was 21 who had my same first name and initial, because I thought, “if I get drunk” -I had never been drunk. I was like, “if I forget my name, I can’t get busted”. So I found someone who was “Benjamin J. [something]”. So I found this guy’s name and I thought, “if I can just forge all his documents, I can go to the DMV and say I lost my license and they’ll give me a new license with his picture”, this is my plan. So first I need to know where he’s born so I can get his birth certificate, so I call his house. I ask for him, I don’t know what i would have done, I get his brother and I say “I work with Ben, we’re doing a crossword puzzle based on his life for his birthday. Can you tell me what town he was born in?’. So he told me and I took the subway there and I got his birth certificate.
Colbert: How- You went to the- You went to like the county clerk and said-
Novak: They didn’t ask for ID, they just gave me his birth certificate. Then I opened up a mailbox in his name and wrote- I was 14, I didn’t know what i was doing- I wrote to the IRS.
Colbert: Uh-huh…
Novak: And I filled out tax forms in his name. And then I went to the DMV and said “I lost my wallet and I need to-this is all i have”. And i looked 14 years old, but I had these documents, so they sent me to the backroom with this woman who sized me up and said “I can’t give you this, you don’t even have a picture”, and then said with a wry smile on her face, “Open your wallet right now.” and like a true method actor, the only thing I had in my wallet was a library card I had signed in his name. And she approved it, and for the rest of high school I had this actual driver’s license, with my picture on it. [audience cheering] Novak: I’m glad we have some support. You have a look on your face- I don’t know if that was funny or if you just broke the law…
Colbert: It was fantastic, I just hope you have a good lawyer.
“I was 14, I didn’t know what I was doing” said of a caper pulled off with a calculated, methodical demeanor that would make Hannibal Lecter blush
Reblogged finleycannotdraw
lets settle this properly
I have a theory
Reblogged canonlgbtq
shipping characters who are just friends in canon is more than okay but what’s annoying is when people take screenshots of them touching and say “friends don’t do that!”. i hate to break it to you but friends do hug and hold hands and cuddle. saying ‘friends don’t do that’ is reenforcing the idea that physical touch is reserved for lovers
“There is nothing platonic about this” Nah I can write an essay over how platonic that is.
"They are in love" Sit and watch me writing a book saga about how they love each other platonicaly because this type of love. Is. Not. Less. LOVE!
Reblogged finleycannotdraw
If you know you know.
... Extrapolating from incomplete data be like...
This reply deserves to be in its own reblog lmao
I own a shirt that says exactly what the comment above says. And you would not -believe- the number of truly awkward interactions I've had that start with someone saying "so what's the second type?"
Reblogged
"OK" SO IT SEEMS AS THOUGH MY GENETICALLY MODIFIED KILLER BEETLES HAVE ESCAPED. HAS ANYONE SEEN MY FUCKI🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲OH G🪲OD🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲 SHI🪲🪲T🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🧪AAAHHHHHHHHOOOHhh Hey. That One Learned thge basics of Chemistry . #Proud
"OK" SO IT SEEMS AS THOUGH MY GENETICALLY MODIFIED KILLER BEETLES HAVE ESCAPED. HAS ANYONE SEEN MY FUCKI🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲OH G🪲OD🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲 SHI🪲🪲T🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🧪AAAHHHHHHHHOOOHhh Hey. That One Learned thge basics of Chemistry . #Proud
fool count: 1
Reblogged mocha-moth
Best of both worlds
Source: instagram.com
Reblogged shxxmisafreak
stop eating turkish delight with the witch in white and come eat hummus with mr. tumnus
Reblogged mocha-moth
Will never forget being in my Judaism course at university, where the professor brought in a reform rabbi to present to the class. But it was actually himself.
To separate the two spheres of his life- the spiritual and the academic- he would rapidly switch between wearing a kippah and a slap on bow tie.
So it was a three hour lecture of him slapping on a kippah to extrapolate "This is how I as a rabbi instruct my congregation in the mitzvot." Then yipping it off, clipping on the polka dot bow tie and continuing- "So here we can examine reform's approach to the 613 commandments, influenced by Abraham Geiger-"
My Hebrew professor (took Hebrew for my foreign language requirement, because fuck it I already knew the aleph-bet) is a conservative rabbi and a linguist. Class discussions could get intense. Good guy, good rabbi. Love it when rabbis are so scholarly they can't stay out of academia.
I took Hebrew back as a wee undergrad and it was taught by a retired rabbi. First day of class he saw my last name on the roster and there was a very distinct pause as he went “…I know this name… are you related to (my dad’s name)?”
Upon getting confirmation that yes, he did indeed name my father there was another pause and he goes “I used to babysit him… he was such a little shit.”
And then proceeded to go into the syllabus while I laughed my ass off.
