DP x DC Prompt:

Because of their liminal biology, there are only a few products made by the exclusively living that actually work on them. That being said:

Sam, a natural blonde, is distraught to find out that her favorite brand of hair dye is being discontinued and pulled from shelves immediately!

She spends weeks trying to find a new dye that didn't wash out immediately, fade away in a couple of days, or give her an allergic reaction. It was driving her crazy, waking up every morning and having to see her blonde roots in the mirror.

And if Dash said she would look better as a blonde one more time, someone would be coming to school next week a ghost, and it wasn't her.

She had almost given up hope, when Tucker and Danny, like knights in shining armor, presented her with the familiar black box.

First, she interrogated them. Did they go back in the past for it? They weren't allowed to time travel anymore unless it was because of a mission from Clockwork. The last time they traveled time indiscriminately, it resulted in Amity Park's permanent residence within the Zone.

After pleading their innocence, they explained to her that while time-traveling was off the table, dimension-hopping was not. And after weeks of searching, they found the DC universe. Which, to their surprise, was much more similar to their home dimension than any of the others they've been to.

Hearing this, Sam becomes a bit jealous. She wanted to go dimension-hopping too! So she tells a big fat lie and says that they got the wrong color dye and that it would be better if she went and picked it herself.

They knew she was lying. They knew the color dye she used by heart but they wouldn't say anything. If Sam wanted to go dimension-hopping then she was, no ifs or buts.

Danny opens a portal to the DC universe, specifically to the city where they got the dye. And upon seeing the city, Sam fell in love. After high school, she was going to live there, no matter how much information she needed to forage. The gunshots from a couple of blocks over didn't deter her from her decision either.

being an adult means I can use my big boy money (which is supposed to go towards stupid things like rent or food but who the hell does that) to force people to look at Melly.

look at her. she’s simply so Shaped

getting a note on a super old post

reblog to slap op with some paper in the wind

“Oh, you have babies… can I see them?“ 

(Source)

King Shepherd (not currently recognized by the AKC, but he looks pretty bulky to be a German Shepherd, even as a puppy)

After retiring from being a hero, Danny moves to Gotham and opens a little mechanic workshop. He doesn't only fix cars though. Bring anything broken to him and he'll fix it. Upgrade it a bit as well if you're nice.

He's a good guy, much better than your average Joe on the street. But there was something about him that was just... unsettling about him. Maybe it was the way he smiled? It did look a bit weird when you stared at it for too long. Or was it because he was always happy? No one was ever always that happy. No one but...

Anyway, it didn't matter. When people came to him it was to get a job done and to leave. They didn't do much chatting which he didn't seem to mind, he was just happy to do his job. Always happy.

One day Danny closed up shop early. That was unusual. He was open pretty much 24/7. Some people were pretty sure he didn't even sleep. They watched as Danny walked. They noticed that Danny wasn't smiling. He wasn't happy... well fuck.

There's a new psychologist in Arkham Asylum, and apparently, she's very good at her job. Joker has already heard a lot about her. Like how she's tall, very tall. With fiery red hair that falls to her knees, and sparkling blue eyes that speak to your soul. She was a hot commodity around the Asylum. A very pretty doll that he just couldn't wait to break.

He knew that he didn't have to wait long. People like her were cocky. They get bored after figuring out a few crazies and decide that they need a bigger challenge. They think they need to break him.

They never do though. They all either quit the profession after a few weeks or fall into his trap. In the end, they all end back up here and become just like the people they were trying to help.

He couldn't wait to do it. To corrupt her mind and watch her spiral into a web of insanity of their making. What? You didn't think he did it by himself, did you? Both parties were willing participants, he spoke and they wanted to listen. It was an equal exchange. An exchange that never came.

He waited, for days and weeks. He waited for months, and there was no sign of the red-head that plagued his thoughts. He waited for almost a year... she wasn't coming to him, was she? It was a bit strange, insulting really. Was she not intrigued by him? Wasn't his case the least bit interesting? What if it was that... she found him... well... boring? The thought pissed him off a bit. That couldn't be the case, could it? Well, he wasn't going to know like this. She wouldn't come to him so he'd just had to go to her, didn't he?

It was quite easy to find out where she lived. She was with the Robin he killed. And wouldn't it be a cruel twist of fate if your girl were to die the same way you did? Who knows, maybe she'd come back wrong too?

The next day the Joker is found strung up in the single most gory display the city has ever seen, and Danny is back to work with a smile.

No one comments on the suspicious stains on his sleeves, or how he isn't wearing the same shop apron he has been since he opened.

No one comments on the glint of madness they see in his eyes, nor the way the air seems to chill when he is around.

No one comments when a week later his sister moves in with him for a while, no one comments on the wheelchair.

No one comments on the strange amulet she wears that gives off a sense of power, no one comments on how her eyes flash green sometimes.

No one comments on the Red Hood goons that hang around the shop on guard duty, no one comments on the nightly visits Red Hood himself makes.

No one comments on the suspicious timing of Gothams new rouge with ice and flight powers, No one comments on how when he is out Danny's Shop is closed.

No one comments because the only one to do so has yet to be found, no one comments because no one wants to piss off Gothams newest rouge.

bye i love this

Man: Siri, what is 1 trillion to the tenth power? Siri: Calculation. The answer is one zero zero zero zero zero [continuing] Man: *starts beatboxing to the rhythm. Woman 1: *joins in* Woman 2: *starts singing to the rhythm*

This is sO GOOD

never gets old

I could listen to this on loop for hours.

A correct to the transcript:

The man is beat boxing. The first woman joined in with jathiswaram. The second woman starts alap/alapanai.

and then they cat napped together 🙂‍↕️

print(1) | print(2) ‪‪❤︎‬

Bane holding Dick dressed as Batman: I promise I will break your back as well

Bane attempts to snap dicks spine

Dick: *bends*

Bane: *straightens Dick back and tries to snap dicks spine over his knee*

Dick ‘I wanted to be a contortionist in the circus’ Grayson: bends to accommodate shape of knee

Bane: wut

Dick: … I’m Batman?

Bane: …

Dick: idk man it seemed appropriate for the moment

Bane:….

Bane: Folds dick in half.

Dick with a satisfying noise as his spine cracks: Thanks man, I needed that for a while now. Wow, you should think about changing career paths.

Bane, genuiently terrified: Yeets Dick away.

been reading world's finest comics and fell in love with superbat co-parenting robin dynamic. that's litcherally their son

professional yapper

my kid has started to write stories and like, no lies, they’re funny as fuck

actual dialogue:

“to your battle stations, boys! it’s time to line up and see who’s tall enough for the roller coaster to hell!! some of us may not survive this, but the ones that do will get the ultimate reward.... paid.”

“here’s a penny for your thoughts, and a quarter to not tell me them”

B A B E

“everyone knows those quiet girls. the ones who never say anything at school unless a teacher makes them. the ones who you see every day but don’t know what they sound like when they laugh. lindsey is not one of those girls, but the teacher wishes she was.”

“lindsey was always loud, especially when she was being kind. she didn’t smile at people to make them happier, she screamed all the reasons they shouldn’t be sad. it was hard not to listen.”

i can’t wait to read this book tbh

My Blorbo In Hesh

Your kid is going places

Osaka buzzed with neon life, rain drizzling over crowded streets and towering signs in Kanji. But above it all, high on the steel skeleton of an under-construction skyscraper, chaos crackled like a living storm.

“Come now, boy!” Technus boomed, his voice glitched and warped as he hovered above the steel beams, electrical tendrils sparking from his gauntlets. “Ten years and still clinging to a ghost of the past? How quaint!”

Danny didn’t answer. Rain plastered his hair to his face, the white-dyed ends now blending with the storm clouds behind him. His twin guns were drawn, humming with an eerie green glow. Steam rose from the barrels with every breath he took.

He stepped forward, metal groaning beneath his boots.

“I’m not here for your speeches, Technus,” Danny muttered, raising one of the guns. “I’m here for answers.”

Technus scoffed, static dancing along his frame. “Answers? What could I possibly know about your long-lost half? He's gone, Daniel! You’re not a ghost anymore—you’re just a man playing vigilante!”

Danny fired.

A green burst of ecto-energy exploded against Technus’ shield, sending a pulse of light through the surrounding beams. Technus staggered back, laughter dying in his throat.

Danny advanced quickly, gun still raised, voice sharp. “Where is my Phantom?”

“I don’t know! I swear it on my processors!” Technus cried, clutching his sizzling shoulder. “Even my data banks have no record of him in any spectral plane! He’s—he’s off-grid! Disconnected!”

That was the worst-case answer. And the one Danny heard the most.

Danny lowered his weapon but didn't holster it. “Then you’re useless.”

Technus launched a desperate attack—bolts of blue energy arcing like lightning—but Danny rolled aside, closed the distance, and slammed the butt of his gun into Technus’ faceplate. Sparks flew. The ghost tumbled from the beam and crashed into a stack of construction materials below.

Danny stood still for a moment, catching his breath, rain dripping down his jawline.

The city below never noticed the battle.

As he finally holstered his weapons, Danny looked toward the sky. The storm clouds parted just slightly, revealing a pale moon.

“…Where are you, Phantom?” he whispered to the dark.

The wind didn’t answer. Only the distant thunder did.

——————————————————————————————

For once, there was no ambush.

No ambush, no assassin ghosts, no deranged cults or Vlad-funded paramilitaries trying to drag him back home. Just the afterglow of a finished mission and a night that, for all its stormy dramatics, had finally started to calm.

Danny walked through Osaka’s Dōtonbori district, the chaos of neon lights reflected in the puddles beneath his boots. His hoodie was up, shadowing his face, but not enough to block out the warmth of the bustling life around him. Crowds moved past him in waves—locals and tourists, laughter and conversation blending together into a hum of human normalcy.

He didn’t belong here.

But for tonight, he let himself pretend he did.

He wandered through back alleys until he found a vending machine that sold hot canned coffee—he grabbed two for no reason, then kept walking until he reached the edge of a canal. There, he sat alone on a bench, watching as glowing signs danced on the water’s surface.

He cracked open one of the coffees, letting the heat warm his palms.

It was stupid, he knew. Phantom wasn’t here. Would never be here. But part of him wished—hoped—that maybe his ghost half could see this too, just for a moment. Maybe he’d say something sarcastic about how Danny finally took a break. Or he’d say nothing at all and just sit beside him, like they used to during those rare moments of peace.

Danny took a long sip, then held up the second can next to him and left it there.

Just in case.

He wandered more. Ate takoyaki from a street vendor who never asked questions, even when Danny’s aura glitched the electric sign overhead. He played a rigged claw machine at a quiet arcade and somehow won a stuffed wolf—he gave it to a random kid who looked like they needed it more. And when he stumbled across a rooftop jazz bar playing live saxophone, he sat on the adjacent building, listening from the shadows, the cityscape sprawled out before him like a dream he never had.

For just one night, the grief dulled. Not gone. Never gone. But numbed, buried under the pulse of a city still full of life.

He still missed Phantom with everything he had. He always would.

But for tonight, he let the world be beautiful without him.