Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.

Might I add:

The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed

The woman who raised the changeling alongside her biological child

The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship

The adventures of a space roomba

Cinderella finding Araura (and falling in love)

I don’t know a snappy description but the my nemesis cynthia story certainly lives in my head

hilariously, these are almost all in my fic tag. so, a compiled list from the notes (and some extras):

I am in love with you /p

What about the one with the princess locked in a tower learning to become a wizard? That’s lived in my mind for years and I haven’t seen it in a long time

Oh, love that story, adding it to the list: 20. Princess Talia and adding a few more contenders 21. Thyme 22. The Monster under the Bed 23. A Meaningful Death 24. Humans are unstoppable…until they aren’t 25. The Monster under the Fridge 26. Antler Guy 27. Cleric slamming healing spells

Adding a few more I remembered:  28. The Frog and the Scorpion 29. HSTHETE 30. The First Witch in the World 31. Imagine that Oceans were replaced by Forests  32. A Faerie taking a Name  33. The Dragon on the Farm  34. Synovus & Menace  35. Raising the Anti-Christ  36. Aliens vs. Flora & Fauna of Earth (pretty sure there are even more additions to the original post but I had this one saved)  37. Doctors without Borders…in Space!  38. The Villain-Wrangler  39. The Last Contact  40. The 100 Parent-Point Children  41. And the Heavens Wept  42. The Night Gentleman  43. The Serpent God and their Priestess 

44. No One Showed Up for the Last Storytime

45. A Guide for Young Ladies Entering the Service of the Faries

You can’t get this one on Tumblr anymore, but it started here and I think about it every damn day

My train was late. AGAIN.

highly recommend keeping a small portrait of a historical figure who met a grisly end on your work desk. for perspective.

me: oh thomas cromwell, we're really in it now. every day i get emails.

the postcard of thomas cromwell i keep on my desk: i was on committees with the duke of norfolk. and they beheaded me.

me: yep. good point.

me: cromwell. cromwell this post has got too big and famous and people are starting to misunderstand me on it.

the postcard of thomas cromwell i keep on my desk: oh no! you achieved too much fame and status? and now people are misrepresenting you? should we strip your lands and title? have you been beheaded?

me: YES ALRIGHT FINE

oh boy i sure do love having tons of trinkets

the nefarious dust particle:

trans flag but it hasn't bloomed yet

guess what

Preach I guess

OH I HAVE MISUNDERSTOOD

remember when stuff was different than it is now? sigh

*nods* like how yesterday was thursday but now it's not

they should make it thursday again soon

I have amazing news

been listening to the knuckles raps from sa2 while pretending to not know the music is from a video game and i highly recommend the experience. really good from the perspective of a normal rapper who talks about ghosts trying to kill him and his ability to telepathically detect gemstones in the earth

i did this once while driving a classmate who knew nothing about sonic to college and she said in full seriousness ‘it’s so sad that he feels like he can’t depend on anyone but himself’

For April Fools' Day, Tumblr deleted every post on the site and all that was left were a bunch of text posts talking about people being literally trapped in the site.

One underappreciated thing about visiting somewhere completely different where you've got local hosts to hang out with is when you've gotten used to seeing wild shit that would absolutely not fly at home, and going "wow, this would be illegal where I'm from", but you're chill because when in rome you do as romans do.

And then at some point you're all in the middle of doing stuff and you make that remark again, and your host just goes "yeah it's illegal here too, we're just straight-up breaking the law rn."

And you just go aye, fair enough.

Circle avatars were a mistake

Yeah. Who even has an avatar that makes sense in a circle? It's just a waste of space!

screenshot to maintain the punchline since it's still going around

i could add a few more stages to grief if they let me

Umami

I've acquired a creature that stares at you no matter which direction you look at it from

I’m hypnotized 

SOOOOO funny when you’re having a strong emotion and your logical brain KNOWS you’re overreacting but you literally can’t do anything about it.

Emotional brain: fire and rage and biting and biting and biting

Logical brain: That was an innocent mistake, and not anyone’s fault.

Emotional brain: you’re right… fire and rage and biting biting biting for one thousand years tho

nothing funnier to me than when AI does math wrong. like I get why it happens, it's a language model that's treating the numbers you feed it as words rather than integers and then giving you an answer based on how those words typically appear in a block of text instead of actually performing a calculation. but the one thing computers are genuinely incredible at. you fucked up a perfectly good calculator is what you did, look at it it's got hallucinations

I'm screaming???