ADHD TIPS: FOR THE NONMEDICATED AND THE MEDICATED

obviously, ADHD is not the same for everyone who has it. if you dont have ADHD, or aren't sure, but experience issues with executive function, memory, impulsivity, and emotional regulation, these tips can still be helpful!!!

specifically for the medicated!

no 2 people are the same, and what works for me might not work for you. i am likely on the spectrum, and i wasnt medicated at all for my ADHD until i was 17, and i wasnt on the right medicine until i was 21. i would recommend keeping that in mind while considering my tips!!

i will elaborate on these tips under the cut!

Not to go "if you have ADHD just go for a run" or anything, but I am so serious if you have ADHD you should regularly go outside, no headphones no phone no nothing and just stand and observe for a while until you've had enough. Not until you get bored, until you've had enough. Drink your coffee without watching tiktok. Have a bath without music. Turn down the volume in your headphones. I cannot overstate how much learning to be bored is cruicial with ADHD. Life is not just about pleasure, no matter what your dysregulated dopamine system thinks, and when you teach your brain to be okay with being bored, then boring tasks stop feeling like torture. By letting yourself be bored you are yoinking your system out of the high/low binary and allow for the highs to feel like actual highs and not just anything that isn't low. I am so serious go literally touch grass. Listen to the sounds in your flat. Stimulate your body the way it was designed. It lowers anxiety and makes you feel like you're real and best of all it's completely free

I really wish more ADHD mental health care told you WHY things like this matter to our quality of life.

The Hyperactivity in Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is NOT about being physically hyperactive, it's about having a "hyperactive central nervous system" because it's a form of inheritable dysautonomia. The problem with disautonomia, especially the ADHD kind, is that it makes boredom flag to your nervous system as a THREAT, triggering hyperactive and maladaptive central nervous system processes like fight or flight.

But dysautonomia kills you that way. Literally, part of the reason our average life spand increase on stimulents is that it helps manage risk-taking impulsivity that can get us killed by accident, but the other part is that stimulents can regulate a hyperactive CNS such that it is functionally (while impacted by the stimulent) NOT dysregulated anymore. And PHYSIOLOGICALLY that is essential because the physical outcomes of dysautonomia can reduce your life span by YEARS if not decades through self-perpetuating hypervigelence, endocrine disruption, and adrenal fatigue.

So when the ADHD brain goes stimulation-seeking and a doctor tells you to practice mindfulness, it feels like being told "hey go stand in a functioning boiler until you can stop thinking" rather than WHAT IT IS which is the process of re-teaching your body what is and isn't safe.

Standing outside making mindful, non-interpretive/moralized observation of the world helps your brain and body re-acclimate to the idea that absence of that frantic "busy" feeling isn't a threat or a risk to your safety, and gradually reduces the level of distress that just hanging out somewhere triggers for you.

Learning WHY this stuff was being suggested and understanding what it was actually supposed to do went a long way towards changing my relationship with my ADHD. I am FAR more functional now, far less prone to shame spirals and rejection sensitivity, hell, I can **sit physically still for near on an hour at a time** now without feeling like I'm going to crawl out of my skin.

So yeah. Go outside. Let the world narrow around you and take deep breaths until it stops feeling claustrophobic or like you need to climb walls. Learn how to let little sensations become big ones like the way the heat of the sun on your skin starts as a gentle warming and be omes a unique collection of sensory moments depending on how it lands on you. Listen for sounds under sounds and let them fade in and out as you move your focus from one sound to the next. Enjoy. Move on. Rinse and repeat.

When you no longer feel like the world is actively killing you, it's a lot easier to navigate it.

S++ tier addition to the post, thank you tumblr user butts bouncing on the beltway

ppl are so annoying “you can’t paint ur bedroom pink you’re an adult” i did not spend my entire life waiting to grow up and control my life to paint my bedroom beige

I had a sales woman in furniture store try and tell me not to buy a hot bubblegum pink loveseat because she wanted me to “think about the future”

Bitch, I am thinking about the future. I already got a hot bubblegum pink couch at home and now I need a loveseat to go with it.

when I first bought my house, I announced my decision to paint my bedroom purple. I had wanted a purple bedroom for thirty damn years, you fucking bet I was gonna have one now. My friends decided, for some reason, that I meant what one of them referred to as “14 year old girl purple” (through what’s wrong with the colors a 14 year old girl chooses, I don’t know, even if they’re not what I want as an adult). They didn’t believe me until they saw the color on the actual wall, even thought they helped me pick out paints. My mother, meanwhile, decided to get worried that if I painted my bedroom a “dark purple”, it would be “depressing”. As if, with an entire house to live in, I would spend all my time in the bedroom, which I wanted to be dark because I would be sleeping in there. In the damn dark.

I had like one, maybe two friends who were all like FUCK YEAH YOU PAINT IT WHATEVER COLOR YOU WANT, PURPLE BEDROOMS ARE AWESOME.

But when they actualy saw the finished bedroom, every single one of them was like, “Oh yeah, that’s really pretty.” (Well, the ones who supported me from the beginning were more like WOOHOO.)

And the moral of the story is: Fuck ‘em, please yourself. Either they’ll come around, or you can safely ignore every question of taste they opine about for the rest of time.

This applies to other adulting activities, too. When I was a kid, I decided that I wanted to have a wedding cake made of doughnuts. When I got older, I figured that I would be “mature” about it and get a traditional cake, which the older adults approved of. Now that I’m 25 and facing the possibility of actual marriage in the near future, I’m just like “marriage is a social construct but it comes with tax & insurance benefits, so just give me that goddamn doughnut cake.” If they don’t like it then they don’t have to come to my wedding.

https://xkcd.com/150/

I would like you all to view my office. I’m thirty and my rainbow room is awesome, people can fight me

I’m thirty and my first big furniture purchase was a custom coffin shaped coffee table that opens up and is lined with purple crushed velvet. I would have loved it at 13 and I love it now. Growing up doesn’t mean you have to abandon what makes you happy.

GROWING UP DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO ABANDON WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

ADHD and autism is basically being considered rude for the dumbest reasons

those reasons are usually 1. ADHD/autistic person didn’t literally read your mind for the Correct Social Cue(s) 2. ADHD/autistic person has a need or a boundary that doesn’t actually harm anyone, but it’s not a Correct Social Cue thing so you think they shouldn’t

3. ADHD/autistic person forgot/didn't realise/doesn't know/is just too damn tired to perform the Correct Tone

4. ADHD/Austistic person struggled to understand/ needed a seemingly obvious thing clarified or explained to them and got accused of sealioning/asking in bad faith.

5. ADHD/autistic person got infuriated by Bad™ Sounds™/Textures™/Images™ and tried to keep from reacting, but still slipped up once, and because it's not a Correct Social Reaction to a Correct Social Cue, they got everyone upset at them for "blowing up over nothing" before they had the chance to apologize.

6. ADHD/autistic person tried to imitate Correct Social Cue but didn't quite do it Correctly, and now the person they were interacting with thinks they were being dismissive and condescending instead of the reluctant-but-accepting they were trying for.

7. ADHD/autistic person couldn't spare the brainpower to identify their emotional state until they burst into tears for no discernable reason. They didn't even feel the need to cry and still don't, but their body won't stop. This results in the other person becoming convinced the ADHD/autistic person is trying to guilt-trip them, which in turn guilt-trips the ADHD/autistic person for not being able to stop crying on demand.

8. ADHD/autistic person physically couldn't stop themself from internalizing a vaguely-negative comment, and then couldn't focus on anything but the comment. When the others nearby try to regain their attention, they likely won't be able to without losing patience, which makes everybody's moods worse once the ADHD/autistic person can see them.

i could go on

9. ADHD/autistic person has learned to perform Correct Social Cues through mimicry, but the people they mimicked don’t perform them Correctly for the group the ADHD/autistic person is currently in so it comes across as wrong. 

10. ADHD/autistic person heard a stray comment that sent their mind on a tangent and they burst out with an observation that seems wildly inappropriate for the moment but makes perfect sense to the ADHD/autistic person, because that’s where their train of thought led them. 

This may just be my experience as an autistic person, but the kids I’ve nannied whose parent’s complain of ‘bad awful in cooperative selfish autistic behavior’ are… Not like that? At all?

Like, for example, I cared for a kid for a while who was nonverbal and didn’t like being touched. Around six years old? Their parent said that they were fussy and had a strict schedule, and that they had problems getting them to eat. Their last few nannies had quit out of frustration.

So, I showed up. And for the first little while, it was awkward. The kid didn’t know me, I didn’t know them, you know how it is. And for the first… Day and a half, maybe? I fucked up a few times.

I changed their diaper and they screamed at me. I put the TV off and they threw things. Not fun, but regular upset kid stuff.

Next time, I figured, hell, I wouldn’t like being manhandled and ordered around either. Who likes being physically lifted out of whatever it is they’re doing and having their pants yanked off? Fucking few, that’s who.

Next time, I go, ‘hey, kiddo. You need a new diaper?’ and check. ‘I’m gonna go grab a new one and get you clean, okay?’ ‘Wanna find a spot to lay down?’ ‘Alright, almost done. Awesome job, thanks buddy’.

I learned stuff about them. They liked a heads up before I did anything disruptive. They didn’t mind that I rattled of about nothing all day. They didn’t like grass or plastic touching their back. They were okay with carpets and towels. They liked pictionary, and the color yellow, and fish crackers, and painting. They didn’t look me in the face (which was never an issue- I hate that too, it fucking sucks) but I never had reason to believe that they were ignoring me.

Once I learned what I was doing wrong, everything was fine. Did they magically “”“become normal”“” and start talking and laughing and hugging? No, but we had fun and had a good time and found a compromise between what I was comfortable with and what they were comfortable with. (For the record, I didn’t magically sailor-moon transform into a socially adept individual, either. In case anyone was wondering.)

I don’t like eye contact. It’s distracting and painful and stresses me out.

They didn’t like eye contact either.

Is eye contact necessary to communication? No. So we just didn’t do it.

Was there ever a situation where I HAD to force them to drop everything and lay down on the lawn? No. So the thirty second warning came into play, and nobody died.

“But they never talked!”

No, they didn’t. And they didn’t know ASL, and they didn’t like being touched.

So you know what happened?

My third day in, they tugged on my shirt. ‘Hey monkey, what’s up?’ I asked. And they tugged me towards the kitchen. ‘oh, cool. You hungry?’. They raised their hands in an ‘up’ gesture. ‘you want up? Cool.’ and I lifted them up. They pointed to the fridge. I opened it. They grabbed a juice box out of the top shelf, and pushed the door closed again. ‘oh sweet, grape is the best. You are an individual of refined taste.’ I put them down and they went back to their room to play Legos.

“But they didn’t say please or thank you!” “But you should be teaching them communication skills!” “But!” Lalalalala.

1. The entire interaction was entirely considerate and polite. I was never made uncomfortable. I was made aware of the problem so that I could help them solve it. There was no mess, no tears, no bruises, no shouting.

2. Did my brain collapse into a thousand million fragments of shattered diamond dust out of sheer incomprehension? No? Then their communication skills were fine. Goal realized, solution found, objective complete. They found the most simple and painless way to communicate the situation and then did it.

Kids are not stupid. AUTISTIC kids are not stupid.

I’m willing to bet real cash money that the real reason the last few nannies had quit had a million times more to do with their own ability to cope, not the kid’s.

To this day, that was the most relaxed and enjoyable job I’ve ever had.

And I know I don’t speak for everyone. All kids are different. All adults are different. But in my time and experience, pretty much 95% of all my difficulties with children come from ME not being understanding enough. Every single “problem child” I’ve worked with turned out to be a pretty cool person once I started figuring out how to put my ego aside and let them set the pace.

Again, not speaking universally, here. I’m just saying. Sometimes social rules are bullshit, you know? People are people

Have you ever read an article about the study that found that teaching the parents to cope with autistic kids yields better results than other therapies? Because this is exactly what they were talking about.

this is a fantastic short term solution. but what happens when that child goes out into the real world as an adult and has no verbal communication skills and still doesn’t know how to properly transition between activities? by not teaching them coping mechanisms you put them at a distinct disadvantage compared to the rest of their peers and I don’t think that’s fair.

Okay, first off, I don’t want you to feel that I skimmed your argument and chose to disagree on principal. I feel that I have read and understood your point of view, and am actively putting thought into composing a thoughtful response that conveys my perspective on the subject.

You have asked me what happens when an autistic child “goes out into the real world as an adult and has no verbal communication skills”.

The thing is, there are many adults who live perfectly well without verbal communication.

There are adults with hearing impairments who can’t verbalize their intentions.

There are adults with anxiety disorders who can’t verbalize their intentions.

There do, in fact, exist autistic adults who can’t verbalize their intentions.

I would not personally agree that forcing a child or adult to talk out loud -when it very obviously causes them stress, or when they are unable to do so- is a coping mechanism.

I would argue that a coping mechanism is something that one does to alleviate their own stress, not the stress of others.

 Just as well there are, right now, at this very second, any number or real-life adult autistic people who actually do, at this minute, have a hard time transitioning between activities. I’m sure you could ask them what that’s like and you’d get a great number of autistic adults who do exist in the real world willing to tell you.

I’d like you to ask yourself, and I sincerely don’t mean to be condescending, a really quick question:

Is the problem Them, or is the problem You?

Furthermore, is there even a problem at all?

What I mean for you to ask, is: Is there a problem, or did you create one by being unwilling to compromise what makes you, personally, comfortable? 

Are they doing something wrong, or are you valuing tradition over someone’s health and wellbeing? 

Which is more valuable to you, in a society?

No child is ready to walk out and live life as an adult in the ‘real world’. That’s why they’re children. Raise them, whoever they are and whatever that means, into an adult who’s confident and kind. Let them speak to people who understand them, not just people who’ve studied them, because there is a difference, and children need more than anything to not feel alone. Everything else is secondary.

A point I hear a bunch is “autistic people need to learn how to communicate with everyone else”

A communication problem

Communication problems require (at minimum) two people to happen.

Yes it’s good for autistic folk to understand how non-autistic folk communicate

But it’s just as important for not autistic folk to learn

It’s almost like communication requires both people to work together.

It’s almost as if most of these communication “errors” arise because non autistic people flat out refuse to learn how to communicate with us, whilst demanding we communicate only how they dictate.

A lot of us know how to communicate nt just fine. (And I say just fine, but I mean: while enduring physical pain and stress). But they can’t be assed to use 3 calories to try to understand how -we- communicate. It’s just ableism wrapped in ignorance, wrapped in laziness. 

Does anyone else feel, like, a weird inhibition against starting new TV shows?  Like, there are shows I want to watch but when I think about sitting down to start it something in me goes “no you can’t just do that.”  What am i waiting for?  I feel like I need to prepare?  Brain:  You have to wait.  Me:  Wait for what???  Brain:  WAIT

I found out recently that it’s due to not having enough emotional or mental space to process something new. Got too much going on in your own head/real life already.

Me: I would like to experience this new thing.

My Brain:… no.

Me: Why not?

My Brain: Can’t do it. Not today.

Me: Whyyyyyyyy?

My Brain: Because we are processing at capacity and one more stream is going to crash the whole system. 

Me, aloud: I’m not in the mood to try (new thing) right now.

THIS IS A REAL THING??? ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!!?

Wow. that explains… so much

idk what it is about sitting in chairs and having both feet on the floor but it’s so uncomfortable and awful and i’ll never willingly do it if there’s literally any other option

my sleep issues are one of the most debilitating symptoms caused by my adhd-neurodivergence in general but no one has ever taken them seriously because they’re not insomnia. 

me: I can’t adjust my sleep to a normal schedule doctor: so you have insomnia, try going to bed early and taking care of your sleep hygiene

Break the stigma

You know what?

I am annoying sometimes.

And that’s okay. It’s not the death sentence I was led to believe. People will love me even if I can’t read their signals sometimes. Not understanding is forgivable. I don’t have to hold myself back so I don’t annoy anyone ever.

The people who love me know I get excited. And I am still loved.

Well shit

gods i fucking cried

This part stood out to me especially

This is really important, especially now during the holidays. You owe nothing to nobody if they make you uncomfortable.

You’re always allowed to leave.

This is really comforting to read and I’m going to need to like, write this down a few times out to memorize it because this isn’t something I want to let myself forget

.

.

.

.

Never related to anything more

Positivity post for mentally ill & disabled people in school who

Academic failure doesn’t mean personal failure! School isn’t everything, and you aren’t a bad person if your grades are low. It isn’t your fault, and you don’t have to feel guilty about it. Your life isn’t ruined. It’ll be okay.