Avatar

Castiel Derangement Hot Zone

@ilarual / ilarual.tumblr.com

Laura | 30s | they/he/she | U.S. | writer | AO3 I have never had a heterosexual thought in my life and my toxic trait is that I like the show I'm in a fandom for. Icon by X

Pinned

wake up new pinned post just dropped

⬆ ⬆ ⬆ my old pinned post was too nostalgic to be left out ⬆ ⬆ ⬆

IF TUMBLR DIES YOU CAN FIND ME ON DISCORD (for chatting), AO3 (for fic), OR DREAMWIDTH (for meta and blog-style content). MY USERNAME ACROSS ALL PLATFORMS IS ILARUAL

About

  • This is, broadly, a multifandom and personal blog, but 90% of the content you're gonna get here is Supernatural. Yeah. I didn't expect that either but after going on three years I've just accepted that this is my life now.
  • Generally show-positive and actor-positive. Neither the show nor the people who produced it are without flaws and I will happily have a ponder on issues of racism, misogyny, etc. when the mood strikes. However I am here because I like the show and want to celebrate the things that I like about it because fandom is a fun hobby for me.
  • Officially I am a Cas fan first and a human second because I see him and my brain turns into a gibbering pile of mush in a way it simply does not with other characters. Unofficially so many people having bad faith takes on Dean and dunking on him in really classist, shitty, deeply unwarranted ways caused me to become extremely protective of him and love him almost as much as I do Cas because I spent so much time trying to take him apart to see how he works.
  • Basically what I'm saying is that this is a pro-Destiel blog and I think both Cas and Dean are loving, well-intentioned people with a lot of baggage and issues who sometimes hurt each other and both contribute to that pretty much equally but who both, ultimately, are capable of growth, healing, and being their best selves with and for each other.
  • Related to the above, calling Dean or Cas abusive will get you blocked <3
  • Rowena is love. Rowena is life. I don't blog about her nearly as much as I think about her.
  • I'm not interested in policing anyone else's fandom engagement (or media consumption in general) and that includes not shaming people for enjoying things I personally find objectionable, whether that's ships, fanfic, or entire source texts. That's their business, not mine. If I don't want to interact with someone, I block or softblock and move on with my life.
  • Related to the above, Sastiel squicks the hell out of me. I do not want to hear about it, I do not want to talk about it, I want people to be able to enjoy what they like but I would like them to do it far the hell away from me in this specific case.
  • Lastly, I'm one whole grown adult. Not a young adult, an adult-adult with a mortgage and everything. I do not have an MDNI policy bc I think teenagers who are old enough to be online unsupervised are also old enough to decide for themselves if they want to follow or not. (I also don't interact one on one with people via DMs on tumblr very much, as I use tumblr as a blogging platform rather than a social media platform.) However, if you feel compelled to DM me for whatever reason and happen to be a young person, please indicate in some way that you are in fact not an adult because my socially oblivious ass will just sort of assume everyone around me is also in the 20-40 range unless told otherwise.

Navigation

  • Writing: all fanfiction, original fiction, and poetry I've written (tbh it's 99.9% fanfic). A direct link to my AO3 can be found in my bio at the top of the blog.
  • Meta posts: either my original posts or posts to which I've added substantial additional commentary
  • Bi Dean: what it says on the tin, posts that are evidentiary of Dean's queerness, a mix of original and reblogged content.
  • 2023 SPN rewatch: liveblogging and analysis posts generated by my ongoing rewatch. [currently on season 12]
  • End of the Book podcast: Hey, I write for that! EOTBpod started as a reaction and analysis podcast for The Winchesters, and is being reorganized as a general analysis podcast for Supernatural, The Winchesters, and any other projects in the SPN universe that may come down the pipeline. [Currently on hiatus out of respect for the WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes as we have creatives on the show who are currently members or may be future members of both unions and we're not trying to cross picket lines here]

further tags and links TBA as I think of it or as they become relevant

leia organa truly has one of the best bait-and-switch character introductions of all time because when you meet her she's this brave, stoic picture of elegance and justice and always knows just what to say to vader and tarkin and is clad in white like an angel and is this perfect two-dimensional archetype of pureness of heart. and then approximately half an hour later into the film she meets luke and han and she IMMEDIATELY shows her true colors as a sarcastic, bitchy control freak with a massive impulsive streak and a deep mine of hyperspecific insults. 10/10 character design i'm obsessed with her

yes we hate chuck, chuck bad, evil capricious god BUT. just know i am also always contemplating a world where s15 chuck was not actually chuck but the Empty posing as Chuck and the Empty was actually the big bad of s15 all along and Chuck and Amara never actually returned to earth after they zapped away to rebuild their relationship at the end of s11. (also yes this means s15 Amara was also the Empty. LIKE what the point of having a big bad that can morph into anyone if not to use them to fake out and pretend to be other people??) also, the Empty-as-Chuck bringing back Lucifer in 15x19 to fuck with Dean by first pretending to be Cas like.....the Empty is having a BALL messing with them, Dean specifically. The Empty has had it out for Cas, Dean, and Jack since s13 for messing with them and fucking up their realm of sleep and despair with their pesky free will, and love, and hope. All of that piercing through its veil, making everything loud and bright. They just want to get back to sleep. They want Everyone to sleep, so nothing can interfere with it again. So first they vanish all the people of earth. Then they get rid of Cas. Then they put the Winchesters to "sleep" in fake worlds. Sam imagines he grows old and lives a whole life (but like dreams, the details are fuzzy. Blurry.) And Dean? Dean goes to "heaven" but the world is "off" and he notices immediately.

sam has abysmal gaydar but is convinced his gaydar is great because he knew the blue haired girl working at his campus cafe at stanford was a lesbian so hes like i know these things. deans gaydar is functional but it only works if the person in question is a man flirting with him. jack has powers where he can probably tell if someones gay but he hasnt fully mastered said powers and is also mostly just trying to not kill people with them. castiel has powers that allow him to tell if someone is gay and he uses it every time he looks at someone which is why hes the only angel who stares at people for uncomfortable amounts of time (the reason he does this to dean so often is he has to occasionally check to make sure dean is still gay). naomi has a pretty good gaydar when shes figuring out who to schedule for a lobotomy. rowena has spent years perfecting gaydar so she can find men out of crowleys league and say ach fairgus why cant ye get with a nice strapping lad like that and he stews in anger. mary winchester has the best gaydar on the planet and can clock it in half a second but only after she was resurrected. amara gave her that power for fun.

dreamwidth makes me feel like a baby. did you guys use to blog like this

Yes!!!! And we liked it that way! You could make a post and it wasn't vague! It was a full on rant about your roommate who you know follows you. But you had privacy filters on so only your fandom friends could read it and none of your IRL friends.

You never had to worry about a personal post blowing up. You posted your fandom stuff in communities and your random thoughts of the day we're restricted to your own blog.

Comments! You could have a whole conversation that made sense. Do you know how long it took for us to get nested replies on here?

Community! Not just Communities as in the feature but a community! You would make a post and everyone would comment on it. Directly! It didn't feel like a derail by having something to say and you didn't have to hide things in the tags. And you could reply! And it went directly to them and not buried under 20 other reblogs of replying to other people. You could post fic and actually get comments and start a conversation. I legit think a lot of fandoms issues as a whole is because we don't have a lot of platforms where having conversations like that exists anymore. It's very much just us screaming into the void.

Tumblr was never supposed to become the fandom platform it did and it's ill equipped to function as such. Which has resulted in a lot of fracturing and isolation.

I'm not saying it was perfect or with drama. Just that when the drama hit, it was always juicy and complex, instead of just two complete strangers screaming at each other because of a misunderstanding

One under-appreciated breed of fic writer are the ones who hyperfocus on logistics to the exclusion of all canon shortcuts, and thus usually strike upon an awesome way to flesh out the worldbuilding or characters.

Like, I’m not necessarily talking realism here since often it’s still pretty far from realistic, but more like, “someone has to be running spies in this fantasy kingdom, and we’ve seen the whole royal court, so which background character is it? How does that change these three major interactions?” Or “real life historical nobility did in fact have some things to do that were like jobs, how does this human disaster cope with running an estate?” Or “there’s no reason for a sci-fi robot detective to know how to whitewater kayak, where’d she learn?” Or “if this guy is serving the emperor directly he has to be way high up in the space empire servant hierarchy, why is he doing this menial task for someone else? What’s his motive? Does he perhaps have the secret space telepathy?”

Anyway I’m always DELIGHTED to find a fic or writer who asks these questions because the fics themselves are universally bangers.

person who knows how logistical things works has picked up the cannon, hefted it thoughtfully, and put a single chalk mark precisely on the problem.

I was at the liberty museum in Philadelphia and saw this next to a stairwell

Avatar

Official ominous sign

Avatar

Ive been to this art installation when it was in Seattle it was made by an indigenous artist if I remember correctly it has small patches of astroturf in front of a black and white American flag with a sign that invites people “kneel and join in the screams of the American national anthem”

Please tag me if you can find it!

This piece is called Neon American Anthem bu indigenous artist Nicholas Galanin “to mourn the loss of lives, freedoms, and safety for people and lands subjected to American violence, and to protest continuing oppression.”

Text below the line to make it easier to read!

hey y'all I just noticed I've got some asks in my inbox. I am so sorry, it's gonna take me at least a week (realistically two or three) to get around to answering them because I have got HELLA work to do academically and professionally.

if you sent me an ask in the last week or two and I haven't responded, I'm not ignoring you! I just have So Very Much To Do and unfortunately absolutely no brain power to dedicate to making the good words about blorbos

One of the most important things to unpack and unlearn when you’re part of a white supremacy saturated society (i.e. the global north) and especially if you were raised in an intensified form of it (evangelicism, right wing politics, explicit racism) is the urge to punish and take revenge.

It manifests in our lives all the time and it is inherently destructive. It makes relationships and interactions adversarial for no good reason. It undermines cooperation and good civic order. It worsens some types of crime. It creates trauma, especially in children.

Imagine approaching unexpected or unacceptable behavior from a perspective of "how can this be stopped, and prevented" instead of "you’re going to regret this!”

Imagine dealing with a problem or conflict from the perspective of “how can this be solved in a way that is just and restorative” instead of “the people who caused this are going to pay.”

How much would that change you? How much would that have changed for you?

OP: Imagine approaching unexpected or unacceptable behavior from a perspective of "how can this be stopped, and prevented" instead of "you’re going to regret this!” [emphasis mine]

Punishment enthusiasts in the notes: "so you're saying we should never stop anyone from doing bad things? and we should just sing Kum Ba Ya until they stop being mean? you're an idiot and you should be punished, probably"

contemplate, for a moment, that you just might be able to stop someone from harming people while also taking care to minimize the harm you do to them

and if you don't think you should have to worry about that: why not?

I teach Intro to Psych, and I’m lecturing on operant conditioning next week. I always tell my students this story:

When I took this class, lo these many years ago, I remember thinking, if punishment doesn’t work very well on animals (because it doesn’t), why does it work on humans? Specifically at the time I was thinking about spanking kids, which I had grown up with as normal parenting behavior in the 80s, but also punishment in general.

And it wasn’t until years later that I realized that the answer is - IT DOESN’T. And research absolutely backs that up.

Punishment is one of the least effective ways of changing behavior in humans, too! The behavior change you do sometimes get is people trying to avoid punishment, but that doesn’t mean stopping the behavior you punished - it often means just finding ways to do it that are less likely to get you caught. Lying, hiding things, being sneakier about it. And that’s when you get any change at all.

Spanking, of course, has whole other issues - namely that it turns out children learn by watching others, not simple conditioning, so spanking them makes them more likely to be violent themselves.

Look, the behaviorists were wrong in that they thought conditioning was the be-all end-all of learning, when in fact life and psychology are far, far more complicated and messy than that - but even they knew that punishment isn’t nearly as effective as rewards. (Neither is as effective as addressing the underlying motivation behind the behavior, which they wanted to ignore entirely, but even they knew this much.)

If you’re telling yourself that your desire to punish people is rooted in wanting to change their behavior, please accept what decades of science has told us: IT DOESN’T.

You are using an unsupported browser and things might not work as intended. Please make sure you're using the latest version of Chrome, Firefox, Safari, or Edge.