BAU

The BAU’s cooking skills

Rossi: *master chef*

JJ: *can cook anything that’s not too complex*

Emily: *has like three recipes that she can make*

Garcia: *can follow instructions on a box*

Derek: *made toast once*

Reid: *banned from the kitchen*

Penelope: I sleep with a knife under my pillow

Derek: weak, I sleep with two.

JJ: you're both pathetic.

Derek: oh yeah? and what do you sleep with?

JJ: Emily.

Hotch: "yk.. some of the things you do and say aren't exactly normal.."

Reid: "the concept of normal is jus what old middle aged men made up because they couldn't stand the difference of human kind."

Hotch: "... Okay-.."

Reid: Hey Emily, may i ask you whats your pronouns?

Emily: I identify as a threat. My pronouns are Try/Me.

Hotch:.....

Emily, crying laughing: JJ was on a conference call and I just heard her say the words “which part of the ‘No’ did you not understand - the ‘nuh’ part or the ‘oh’ part?”

Emily: She’s out here rejecting bureaucrats the same way she tells Michael and Henry they can’t have snacks 😂

Her time will (hopefully) come.

Prentiss: If Reid and I were drowning, who would you save?

Hotch: You two can’t swim?

Prentiss: It’s a hypothetical question, Hotch! Who would you save?

Hotch: My time and effort.

Luke: if i broke my arm.. or my leg.. or my neck. then would you be nice to me? 

Penelope: 

Luke: i’m just saying, if i was injured or sick… what would it take for you to be nice to me? 

Penelope, raises eyebrow:

Luke: do i need to be fatally ill for you to have some compassion towards me? 

Penelope: … ehh *so-so hand gesture* 

Luke: hey, siri? where’s the nearest cliff?-

Penelope: -volcano.