Owner: he's so itchy all the time! Constantly biting at his sides!

Me: is he on any flea control?

Owner: oh, no. He doesn't go anywhere and the groomer didn't see fleas.

The dog:

uh oh

man gets bitten by the most rabid animal of all time, immediately asks r/raccoons for advice

okay since people are completely misinterpreting me: i am not like...mad at this guy. i think he handled the situation pretty well all things considered. (although idk why the fuck it was loose in his car at any point)

i just thought the idea of someone getting bit by a rabid animal and posting about it on reddit instead of going straight to the er was funny. still do tbh.

scam texts aren't even trying any more. i have to pay my taxes? at latina fiesta dot co???

hey everyone its april fools. but dont worry i dont have anything planned. just going to sit here and...

I LIED !!!! GET PRANKED

POST BELOW ME GET FUCKING WET

poob loves you

something possessed me

April Fools day here is always funny because my dash is full of “here’s a Rick roll but it’s actually a different song” “here’s ‘do you love the color of the sky’ just kidding! It’s not the full long post!” “Here’s a drawing I made of a kitty! Just kidding! It’s two kitties and they’re best friends” and we do this unironically and completely ignoring the blood lust we all experience every year just two weeks prior

When a fic doesn’t fit my head canons but it’s well-written

#he wouldn't fucking say that but i'm getting kind of attached to the guy you invented who did say that

just got back into gardening so i’ve forgotten. are basil leaves supposed to be this big

am i the problem

op are you a hobbit

hte real april foule… was you.

for thinkjghing I did not care abou you.

my friende.

for everyone asking for what article this is i actually went back and found it again and you'll never guess who it's about

happy april foold everyone did you know about………………… bofa

haha… bofa them 

when you're a child and you stay up past your bedtime you get punished by your parents, when you're an adult and you stay up too late you just get punished by the ghosts and spirits and demons and such

no fun buttons for april fools' day?....

wel....okay..

Do not obey in advance.

Keep hating It's working

Okay but reblogging specifically for "Tesla in Distressla" because whoever came up with that tagine deserves a moment of recognition.

We gotta stop aiming for unique and interesting baby names we gotta start naming every single infant straight-shot middle-of-the-road ass popular common unisex names like Alex and Sam. By the end of 2031 I wanna see 100% of kindergarten children named either Alex or Sam and you know what, let’s make ‘em all Smiths and Johnsons, too. In an age of digital tracking give your baby the gift of total functional anonymity within the panopticon

If Elon Musk owned Tumblr he would nuke your blog for this.

And I would die with honour at the hands of a fool