hey whatsup

Blood test results are back. 0’s across the board, dry as a bone under the hood, they’re not sure what they’ve got in those vials but it recoils from light and lunges towards living tissue, which is all normal for girls these days.

love when u get an audio message n ur reading the transcript n like halfway thru there is just a bunch of road rage expletives before they get back to the point :3

literally my favorite thing

I think about this everytime someone comes into my lane

only need 1 more shonen guy and then they can... no i shan't say it

(This post is brought to you by the fact that tumblr are, hilariously, claiming that 50% of current users are gen z, and i wanna see how accurate claim that is.)

i had a dream i worked in an underwater restaurant and people kept ordering ice in their drinks and then getting mad at me when it would float away. and i’d tell them beforehand that the ice would float away & they’d be like lol no that’s not how it works just give me the ice. I’m fighting customer service battles never seen before

people have been saying squidward on this all day but this is the first one that made me laugh

Pepsi distributed Dr Pepper (on the left) And Coca-Cola distributed Dr Pepper (on the right). Dr. Pepper isn’t owned by either company, it is it’s own company Keurig Doctor Pepper, BUT they don’t have a bottling facility. In an area, they use whichever bottling facility gives them the best deal. That’s why sometimes it’s Pepsi shaped and sometimes it’s Coke shaped.

Tumblr really needs a "dont ever show me this post again" option

you used to call me on the switch two …

dont send me hate mail over a flop post man ...

do it drunk. do it high

do it with another guy.

#do it zooted do it stoned#do it with your evil clone

What is poetry?

bnuuy

Real sex has never been tried

This is your captain speaking and yeah we’re not landing. I just feel like we’ve got a really good thing up here and I don’t want to ruin it. This is my home and you are my people

We never have to go back

congratulations basil for winning the war on drugs.

Stop trying to tiktokify the app we hate it every single time