This Barbie is having an Existential Crisis

god this is embarrassing imagine saying this. imagine saying these words in that order. imagine thinking that thats an own. i genuinely cannot think of a more succinct way of saying "ive never listened to a single green day song before" elon did you really think you were the good guy in american idiot. are you kidding me. kill yourself

imagine being the literal richest person in the world and not thinking you're the machine

love green day for pissing off these losers with the same song for two decades and counting.

@elodieunderglass this seems relevant to your interests.

Oh it’s perfect, what a great improvement

i actually think it's rly cool for people getting an abortion to joke about the abortion, and it's not tasteless or bad. btw. they are allowed to joke about it. and it's funny.

ok this post is about this tweet i saw and found fucking hilarious:

I find it kind of funny that human babies are so fragile and helpless and useless that natural selection went like HARD-hard on humans finding babies cute. This thing is a wailing messy resource sinkhole so please find other reason to enjoy it. And the humans that did find baby cute and invest time in them, the crazy bastards?? Lived!!

And now there’s so much spill-over from “baby cute” gene that humans see literally any “baby” creature that even slightly resembles us, like

and we’re like 😍🥰🤩🥺🥺🥺 I wanna love you so bad. I wanna make so many images of you, you are so small, just baby. I’m inventing new emotions as we speak bc I love you so much.

Like, I’m almost convinced humans didn’t even domesticate dogs bc we thought they’d be useful, we saw some puppies and it activated our Big Boi Primate Baby buttons, it wasn’t even logic time baby, it was 🥺 time.

The funniest thing about that is the fact that neuroimaging of elephant brains have proved that they think that we – humans – are cute in exactly the same way. They most likely want to squish and cuddle us the way we want to do with puppies based on the firing of their neurons.

This is so important to me.

SO important.

Actually hatebros, “survival of the fittest” means you have to make as many friends as possible in one lifetime. Naruto understands Darwinism better than you.

(These images are sourced from ethical places to interact with elephants)

My new method to avoid eye contact is a low cut top and a push-up bra.

That's right, this whole time I've been on HRT for the distracting and alluring cleavage which serves to alleviate so much otherwise awkward social interactions.

No more complex social small talk to navigate, just people trailing off while their eyeballs do the walking. This whole master plan was a stroke of genius.

this girl playing 4-d chess with the allistics

Actually it's just 38C but thanks.

Hold on, I might be stupid.

No I think you're playing 38C chess.

i don't want to wash my water bottle what about my microorganisms #mymicroorganisms

i saw a license plate this morning that said ‘drgn slr’ which probably means ‘dragon slayer’ but ‘dragon slur’ is funnier. dragon faggot. draggot if you will.

Finally got a clear shot of noonoo carrying her spring, it's her favourite toy

noonoo….

Sonic approves

Some phone wallpapers from the Project Eevee Twitter for Eevee Day!

you are doing great 🌷

this:

is functionally identical to the human experience of not looking both ways, getting clipped by a speeding semi, and being sent flying through the front window of the 7-11 across the street (except that the semi doesn’t turn around and eat you afterwards)

So first of all, the orca weighs the same as between two and three minivans. See? And it can reach speeds of 35 miles per hour. So. Basically anything it does to you at speed is going to completely wreck you or almost any other creature alive on the planet

But then! look at this gif of an orca doing the specific tail yeet that was mentioned

full the force required to launch a seal like that is probably lethal by itself. Right? but then the seal reaches an estimated 80 feet (24 meters) ! at which point the surface of the water itself is often lethal to humans falling from that height, so, idk about seals but i bet the fall itself is basically like getting hit with the same truck a second time.

here you can see the relative size of an adult orca and the seals they hunt this way

this is like if a soccer player kicked a house cat full force.

bonus: here’s a gif showing what the tail slap would look like from underwater, and, idk about you, but this one creeps me out. Like, it’s super cool, but also, goosebumps

may i remind you: weighs the same as three minivans. Moves as fast as suburban traffic. Hyper carnivore all meat diet, develops special unique hunting techniques for murdering many many different kinds of animals in all sizes, lots of them mammals - from bite-sized otters to the biggest whales. Close to same intelligence as a human.