Smoke a bowl about it, idk

My friend, typing: World War Three

Me: No, with 3 i's

My friend, visibly confused: World War Thriii

i have a new theory called alive internet theory where i propose that the internet is full of real people and you can befriend some of them even and maybe actually kiss them and more

I deman you to do it ?

Woke boss forcefemming me on company time

this feels like a bit. i know it’s not but this is so absurd that it feels like it’s right out of arrested development

everyone who ever tried to kill you failed btw

this isn't something you can rly say in polite company but it's true. if you're trans or from some other marginalised community then a lot of people have wanted you dead. some have tried, in one way or another, to make that happen. you beat them and i'm proud of you

Lovely sentiment but the way it’s worded sounds like this dude got fucking killed during a little league game

i hope donkey kong walks into my house and smashes a barrel over my head killing me instantly 

pavel nechaev

whenever i find a good world heritage post i do my best to carefully remove unnecessary "why is this so funny!!" or "i cant believe i found the original" reblog comments. sometimes it takes a bit of work digging back through the reblog graph to accomplish this but fine art restoration is tedious but important work

you get it

i know i'm preaching to the choir here but it really is very disturbing how so many people cling to "men's" vs "women's" clothes and shoes and hair products, etc.

i was talking to my coworker about shopping and how she enjoys shopping at a certain store that only does "women's" clothes, when I asked if she'd liked me to come (she's shopped with coworkers before) she went "oh haha nah there's nothing in there for men you wouldn't like it!"

there's a lot of clothes out there that the majority of people wouldn't be able to discern as "male" or "female" unless they really thought about it. almost all of my clothes are from the women's department despite appearing "masculine," i'm never misgendered, no one comments on it, i wouldn't count the jeans i got from the women's department as feminine in the slightest and neither does anyone else when they see me wearing it

in the same vein of recommending clothing or products to someone and getting a "oh but this is for women" do you think your hair is made of different material than a woman's hair by virtue of your gender? are your lips chapped differently because you're a man and can't use rose scented chapstick. is this lotion too feminine, is this electric razor too masculine, aren't you tired. aren't you so tired of every single product in your life being gendered

Customer started yelling at me because I was 1 minute late to open the shop so I banned him from shopping with us and locked the door on him. Play stupid games.

This man had the audacity to come back at the end of the day as I was closing up by the fucking way. Ranting and raving about how he had been mistreated and that no one had even bothered to reply to his complaint email all day

Well I had the UNBRIDLED joy of informing him that not only had I seen his email, which was insanely abusive towards me for the crime of being 1 minute late and not putting up with his shit first thing in the morning, but that I was also the manager who he demanded to speak to, and I’d now also had our IT team block his IP address from being able to contact us or order with us ever again.

I should’ve been allowed to castrate the man but this will have to do

Okay this got way more notes than I was expecting so I feel like I should add some important context here. I’m not management. I’m not even middle management I’m just some guy that works here. I don’t have the authority to do any of this I just like lying to customers

Tumblr is unique bc like. It's collaborative shitposting and you can't opt in or out. You can just say something about your day then an evil wizard shows up to turn your post into something humorous

Every other site is just one and done, but here a post is a welcome mat to be funnier than you

yeah or sometimes you’ll see a post that hacks into your brain and forever rewrites your instinctual reaction to seeing a pineapple explode

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

26/26

@i-say-ok You are the only way to improve this

ok.

I love you i-say-ok

ok. :] ♥️♥️♥️

$0

Silksong is not released yet

what the fuck happened to this post

shoo shoo get out of here

Looking through the notes and. Why is literally (literally) every gimmick blog drawn to this post in particular

What is going on

My favorite art is first sentences of scientific papers, I love reading sentences like "movement is of integral importance to animals" or "snow has long been recognised for its ecological importance" fuck yes so truee