when he says "ahwooo" it's scary because you think the werewolves are nearby. but then he says "the werewolves of london" and you think oh.. i'm not in london. but then you remember they could travel

genuinely how it feels trying not to be mean to people who leave stupid shit on my posts

I've played enough gambling simulator roguelikes lately to know that 25% is 0% and 75% is 100%

jumpscared by scrolling past a picture of the inside of my apartment posted by a stranger on facebook

How did you take that picture...

by wanting it more than anything and waking up every morning grinding and hustling

well folks, it happened. my dick fell clean off of my mons pubis and into da donation plate. when i tried to discreetly slip it back into my pocket, a small bird swooped by and swiftly collected it in its beak. while the camera was following close behind him, the seasons change but he remains in the center of the shot.

⚠️ ALERT⚠️

🪦 memorial services will not be held anywhere at all ever 🪦

you may continue scrolling, no action is required ☕

world's first marine psychiatrist trying to wrestle a knife out of a suicidal sea sponges hand in serbia

I think often of my aunt, who announced she was going to open a dumpling restaurant but needed to do research first, gathered funds from the entire family, and flew all around Asia trying different dumplings over the course of like 4 months on their dime, returned to Korea, and said "never mind"

made a milli off that bobby brown now they got me smoking stranger things

the pure of heart can take items from the store without paying

hear me out…

“Hear me out” and it’s the most conventionally attractive alien father figure you’ve ever seen

Except you don't need to stick your faces together/use tongue for a kiss to be "good".

These are two middle-aged men who probably haven't had any experience kissing someone they love, so they're obviously gonna be a bit out of practice.

I know that it was passionate and sweet, and they deserve that.

is this post real. can other people see this. this feels like a fever dream made reality

I live my life thinking the perfect conversation doesn’t exist and then tumblr drops this in my lap.