statement of joe spooky 👻

first they made it mandatory to log in everywhere. create an account to download your free template Log in to access resource give us your email nowwwww. Now the humble password is being killed too. open your magic email link! type your 6 digit code that we texted you because we required your email and your phone number! we’re gonna call you and whisper a code sweetly in your ear so you can log in to your account. yes it has a password but you cant use that anymore. okay? poob is gonna call you. now poob is just gonna call you.

So my friend Buck likes clowns. No he really likes clowns. No like. A lot.

He reluctantly and with great embarrassment told me this, and when teased about having a clown fetish he will retort quite pedantically that a fetish is required for sexual gratification and he only has a kink for clowns. No one else agrees with this hair splitting but it’s okay, it comforts him.

I assumed Buck’s proclivity toward clowns was somewhat private because he was so abashed when he admitted it to me. But when hanging out with him and his new partner she began to tease him that he’d blurt out to the whole VR chat that he loved a gal in clown makeup.

“I thought it was a secret,” I said.

He squirmed and admitted that he liked to get it out of the way in case it was discovered later.

His partner whispered to me when he was in the bathroom that she’d seen his clown folder and while they’d looked at it he’d exclaimed, “Ugh! That one’s a mime,” and moved the offending image to a separate folder. This had me in hysterics. A slippery mime had slipped in amongst his wholesome clown girls.

Later that day at DnD I announced to the group that we’d spent the day with Buck and his girlfriend. Two of them said in unison, “Buck has a girlfriend?!”

The third said at the same time, “Is she a clown?”

I absolutely lost it and asked how he knew about the clowns.

“I’ve met Buck three times. He told me about the clowns every time.”

This story is shared with Buck’s permission.

our server's weekly movie voting rules

War has changed.

There is a word I’m not allowed to use. I love it. I love it so much. But my darling beloved wife hates it with a fiery passion.

I came across it from Anne Lister’s diary, where she says that she would “grubble under women’s skirts” and honestly. The word perfectly encapsulates the fumbling feeling of fighting your way through layers of fabric to reach the promised pussy land.

However the word has been forbidden, reviled from the first moment my beloved heard it. They shuddered and it’s truly one of the only restrictions they’ve ever placed on my vocabulary so I don’t say it. But I do think it, on occasion.

Sometimes the word will pop into my head and I will think it too hard and my wife will turn and glare at me and accuse, “I know you’re thinking it!”

“But I didn’t say it!” I protest. But they’re always right. Even with no context they always know when I’m thinking it.

Today I told my wife, “I shared the unmentionable word with Astrid today and she quite enjoyed it. She repeated it several times.”

They bellowed liked a dying wildebeest and said, “I can go months without remembering that word exists and then it comes up again. It’s so disgusting, it’s what Sméagol would do on the ground digging for worms!”

I was laughing and protested, “It sounds like fighting through skirts, the groping around.”

“No! That is something that happens in the muck and the filth. It’s negative sexy.

“Bet you're gonna take to Tumblr and share it and some people are gonna be like, ‘Oh what a great word! We should definitely use that in our lexicon. Top tier word!’ And you know what? THEYRE WRONG. GARBAGE WORD. GROSS.”

I listened to their impassioned hatred while cuddled in their arms and radiated love at them and remorse for having reminded them about the existence of grubbling. But now you get to hear about it. As a treat.

the original got flagged with no way to appeal it when every contributor is deactivated but I will never let this post die. it's monday and we are getting on it cunts

Your friends watching something for the first time and getting to that scene VS you, the knower.

We gotta stop aiming for unique and interesting baby names we gotta start naming every single infant straight-shot middle-of-the-road ass popular common unisex names like Alex and Sam. By the end of 2031 I wanna see 100% of kindergarten children named either Alex or Sam and you know what, let’s make ‘em all Smiths and Johnsons, too. In an age of digital tracking give your baby the gift of total functional anonymity within the panopticon

Tornado

I want every non-Midwesterner to know that we are drilled in tornado safety from a young age and know exactly what we should do to keep ourselves safe. And yet we do exactly as pictured in the bottom image every time a tornado comes around.

i love that spy x family keeps reinforcing that anya would be unstoppable were it not for the crushing burden that is being 4 years old

Kevin Durant is a extremely high tier shitposter who just so happens to also be one of the greatest basketball players of all time

"Legacy points added/deducted" has permanently become a part of my vocabulary

luigi mangione facing the death penalty just seems like a bad decision for america. so there's this guy that everyone loves and considers a hero, and we arrested him after very obviously planting fake evidence. and now we're going to subject him to an unfair trial and kill him at the end. there's no way anyone will be mad about that right

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEANDERTHAL CHILD WITH DOWN'S SYNDROME? Because they're all I've been thinking about when I'm sad for the past few days. Their existence makes me less sad.

Did you know that this is not a rarity? We have found remains showing catastrophic injuries - permanently disabling ones. With fully remodeled, healed bones.

It is NOT the default, it is NOT human nature to exclude disabled people from society. By nature we look after each other, by nature disability is just a natural part of the human variety that's made us so successful as a species.

By nature, people love.