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@soft-pine

pine / gay dean truther / ☭ / any pronouns / 33 / w*ncest DNI / soft_pine on ao3/ @embodean on bluesky

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Timeline of Every Anecdote from Dean's Childhood in Supernatural

winc*sties this is not for you. i'm a survivor of familial CSA and i don't want to see you in my notes.

This is super open to feedback and suggestions if I missed something. This also includes a few quotes and things from a couple of the tie-in novels where they don't conflict with canon.

Content notes: death, child abuse, alcohol

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Anonymous asked:

I thought you'd like this: that it wasn't Dean shedding blood in Hell that was the first seal but KILLING JOHN WINCHESTER. The seal partially broke when Azazel felled him the first time and PERMANENTLY broke when John traded himself for Dean. That's why the demons worked so hard to bait him and draw him out. That's why in Lebanon there was no Apocalypse. John was the first seal. John was ALWAYS the first seal.

Ohhhhh. You're right. I do like it.

FIRST SEAL - JOHN'S PERMA-DEATH

That could recontextualize everything. That it wasn’t Dean shedding blood in Hell that was the breaking point—but John’s permanent death.

I like your idea that the seal partially cracked when Azazel first took John, but it fully shattered when John traded himself for Dean. This would be a fun way to explain why demons relentlessly baited John, pushing him into that sacrifice, and why in 14x13 Lebanon, there was no Apocalypse—because the key to triggering it never turned. The absence of John meant the end-of-days plan never ignited.

//

IN APOCALYPSE WORLD, JOHN STILL DIED

This theory works seamlessly with the AU Apocalypse-World as well. In that timeline, John’s permanent death still occurred, but much earlier, setting the Apocalypse in motion. Dean and Sam were not present, but the end of the world still unfolded due to the sealed fate that was already in motion.

//

JOHN NEVER BROKE IN HELL & MORE PROPAGANDA

I've read the theory that it was a lie that John was indestructible in Hell. Dean already carries so much blame for things he believes he’s responsible for, so to me, it’s not a stretch to consider that he was used as a scapegoat, that Dean was never the true First Seal in the first place.

If the higher-up angels knew the Apocalypse was always in motion, it might have been about rescuing Michael's vessel all along. The demons and angels manipulated Dean's guilt, making him believe he was the cause. Making Dean feel guilty? Well. That could have served to make him more malleable, preparing him to be a vessel for Michael. Couldn't it?

//

DESTROYING DEAN'S SELF-WORTH

I mean, John's sacrifice destroyed the last remnants of Dean's self-worth, which led directly to: "That's my point. Dad brought me back, Bobby. I'm not even supposed to be here. At least this way, something good could come out of it, you know? I--I--It's like my life could mean something." Being pegged as the one who started all this? Well, that's just a different angle for doing the same thing. Wearing him down. It's a direct line to: "Reality happened. Nuclear’s the only option we have left. Michael can ice the devil, save a boatload of people...Yeah, well, that’s easy for you to say. But if Lucifer burns this mother down, and I coulda done something about it, guess what? That’s on me."

I will have fun with this. Thanks so much:

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Anonymous asked:

sometimes i'll see people be like "hunting is exactly like being a cop" but ONLY apply it to dean and im like... okay they might be biased. perhaps.

Probably the same crowd that thinks Dean "forces" Sam to hunt and that Dean just guns down every monster he sees (and this in itself is oppression toward Sam for being a monster himself of course) no matter that believing this requires substantial mental rewrites of the show.

Hunting is vigilantism, which can be either better than, worse than, or the same as "being a cop" depending on your perspective on that vigilantism and whether you think that vigilantism is borne from the failure of government institutions to actually serve the downtrodden people they're supposed to protect (see: public response to UHC vigilantism) or whether that vigilantism is Barney Fifedom rooted in profiling for which we criticize policing as a government institution. It's not as simple as saying hunting is one or the other.

I think the opening seasons of Supernatural present Sam and Dean's hunting vigilantism as the former. Especially through Dean's early established resentment for the incompetence, obstinance, and corruption of cops and their frequent profiling of him as a drifter (1.01, 1.03, 1.05, 1.07, 1.11, 2.07, 2.12). Cops are also a direct source of episodic villainy from early on (1.03, 1.11, 2.07, 4.06, 6.03, 9.15, 10.22). I suspect that one could easily make a case that Dean's early resentment for cops also comes from a belief that most law enforcement has to have seen a weird case or two in their time and turned a blind eye, and that Dean sees this willful ignorance the same way we see things like backlogs of thousands of untested rape kits and shoddy detective work that occurs due to profiling of the victim and general apathy over what happened to them (we also see this directly in 7.03 when cops don't care about Amy's victims because they were petty criminals or addicts). I think this also meshes well with Dean's resentment for gods (or those with power equal to those of a god) who are aware of the suffering of people around them but do nothing to stop it (see: Gabriel, Chuck).

Of course, in season 1, Sam and Dean mainly deal with ghosts, curses, and several human villains, which is a bit different from dealing with living "monsters". Season 2 then begins to explore what it looks like for Sam and Dean to meet other hunters and other people in-the-know who might have a different perspective on vigilantism and make assumptions about guilt rather than bothering with actual detective work or alternative solutions, and the Winchesters reactions to that (overwhelmingly negative) and their own perceptions of what they do and what kind of rules they need to enforce on themselves going forward are explored (we see this first with 2.03, but it's essentially a theme of the entire season. We also continue this in later seasons with 4.04, 8.09, etc). Post Gordon, Dean displays a significant distrust toward other hunters out of concern that they do not share his beliefs and might try to harm his brother and other special children who don't deserve it (he doesn't even trust Ellen for most of season 2 and even accuses her at one point of floating their location to Gordon).

That said, a strange assumption developed around these sorts of episodes—that supernatural entities are always intended as a metaphor for the oppressed when that's rarely the case. The majority of cases in Supernatural involve villains (human and non-human) behaving as oppressors in the story who use their power to exploit the vulnerable. "Monsters" just trying to get by just happen to be the cases that stick out to us the most. Take vampires for example. We think of SPN vampires and the first people we think about are usually people like Lenore and Benny, both of whom are profiled and targeted for violence by trigger-happy hunters. The story of these episodes ends up being "don't be a cop". But the next time a vampire appears, an audience member sometimes can't shake the belief that vampires are eternally tied to this lesson despite all evidence to the contrary. Vampires don't always happen to serve the story in the exact same way every time we see them. The vampires in 1.20 are clearly implied to enjoy sexually molesting their victims for their own sexual gratification. Boris's operation in 6.05 is very clearly intended to parallel sex trafficking (of young and often underage girls he has exploited online and lured to locations where he can kidnap and feed on them). He is also heavily implied to enjoy raping the people he's turned.

Boris and some other groups represent oppression of humans by supernatural entities in ways that are also heavily organized. Demons whole operation revolves largely around exploiting people who are poor, grieving, and/or traumatized and desperately in need of escape. The angels frequently refer to humans as monkeys and largely see hurting and using them in any way they wish as their birthright. The Stynes are a powerful family who has used their wealth and influence to silence opposition and prey on others to increase their own power. The alpha vampire is exceedingly wealthy and powerful and exerts wide spread influence on vampires, and directed Boris's operation (and others) where people were forcibly turned in droves (he's also heavily implied to be a pedophile). The Leviathan take over seats of political power and wealth in order to establish control and feed on those beneath them on the social ladder. There's nothing screaming "oppressed class" about any of this, however much groups like the angels for example might cry wolf while behaving as oppressors. Their behavior in particular is quite reminiscent of the ruling class placing blame for all of societies ills on the poor.

Supernatural does deliberately (and sometimes accidentally) explore themes surrounding "not turning into a cop", but it also explores monsters as a metaphor for the ruling class and Sam and Dean as representatives of the lower class rebelling against and providing others with protection against powerful forces misusing their power and preying on those weaker than them, and I think sometimes people want so badly for SPN to fit their mold that they get really lost in the weeds and simplify it down to something it isn't and it becomes much more dull than it really is.

Also since this is clearly a samgirl take and I have to: Sam defends cops more than anybody, doesn't trust Sonny because he's an ex con, and said people in jail probably deserve to be terrorized by a ghost.

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The Lebanon timeline where John lives.

///

Dean watches John watching Claire.

They’d run into Jody, Alex, and Claire in Omaha on a werewolf case, and in the throes of Fontanelle forest’s darkness, hadn’t had time to properly introduce each other.

///

When Cas does get there, it’s just in the nick of time. Their usual werewolf tactics are dead in the water, probably thanks to Michael.

“She’s got an interesting face,” John says later, where Sam and Mary can’t overhear.

Dean swallows and trains his eyes on Baby, where she’s parked next to Cas’s Dodge and Jody’s station wagon.

///

When they squeal into the parking lot, the station wagon is already there, and the Dodge roars into the parking space behind them. It cuts its lights.

Mary leads the pack towards the hotel, but Dean hangs back, hoping to get a moment with Claire, to check her status with Cas and to give her a heads-up about John.

///

Sam’s eyes light up with rage, and for one horrifying moment, Dean is terrified he’ll bring up Adam Milligan.

Mary bleats a warning, “John.”

“No,” John bites, coiled like a cobra, “You’re the one who said ‘no more secrets.’

///

Last one:

///

They don’t say a lot after that.

Mary herds John into their shared room. Jody grabs both girls by the napes of their necks to steer them towards their beds.

Before they leave, she tells Sam it’ll all be okay.

It doesn’t feel like it.

///

Dean almost passes out the second he hits his hotel bed. It’s ten o’clock in the morning, but the exhaustion is pounding over him like a freight train.

Before he manages to drift off, Sam’s voice pulls him awake, “That didn’t go as badly as it could’ve, Cas.”

Then, a few minutes later, “Hey, man. We, uh, all know how complicated your time in Heaven was. It was- it was war. Jimmy made his choice.”

No, he didn’t. Even Dean knows that.

hi i'm feeling a lot of grief over all the posts going around about tumblr's potential demise. i've been on tumblr (though not this one) for decades and it has meant so much to me. but i was also on twitter for like a decade and then lost it. and that was really hard. losing the spn community i had on twitter was mostly only healed by becoming more active on here and meeting all you lovely people. but not to be overdramatic but it's still a wound. and anticipating another one so soon after and when i feel like im just getting the hang of things here is really hard.

all that is to say, i have an ao3, a pillowfort, a blueksy, and a twitter (that i will only return to activity on if someone not entirely evil buys it). but i only want tumblr tbh (well and ao3). so i don't want to add to the doomerism but i want to be connected and prepared <3

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I know it was a little weird, but does anyone else have big feelings about how the end of The Winchesters features Bobby, Dean, and Jack standing together?

That’s Dean’s father. That’s his son. Three generations of family—not by blood, but by choice. And that means everything.

Anonymous asked:

what’s your opinion on “lebanon”? as it actually is in the show and how fans/fic writers interpret/approach it.

cause i’ve been binge-reading “lebanon” fics and i’ve noticed two patterns: sam might argue with john or he stays calm but regardless he preaches to dean about what a terrible father john was, and dean always falls back into his performing and just keeps defending john. now i love all that angst, really i love it so much, these fics are phenomenally written… but i’m just wondering if i’m crazy to think that dean wouldn’t actually fall back into that role to such an extent, and whether the episode actually kinda got it right by having dean feel secure with his family as it is. iirc my issue with the episode is that neither dean nor sam got to express any issues with john in an honest but civil way (and that john is too nice) but that still i liked dean’s expression of security, but tbh it’s been awhile since i last watched it so maybe i’m missing/misremembering smth… thanks!

One of the strangest things I see in fandom is how many people's sense of how Sam views John versus how Dean views John is just flat out wrong. The idea that Dean is always defending John while Sam is always criticizing him the whole show is negated over and over and over in the actual show itself—extremely overtly.

There's two issues here in my mind that lend to this fandom problem.

  1. The fandom accepting Sam and Dean's "John Narratives" at face value in the early episodes of season 1. For example, watching 1.08 "Bugs", where Dean claims to have no resentments toward John and says Sam also was a dick during Sam and John's fight, and going, "Well there we go. Dean has no resentments and refuses to criticize John but Sam will." At this point, we already know from 1.06 "Skin" that Dean does have resentments toward John for not appearing to care about him and for abandoning him, and we get further indications in 1.11, and 1.21 in this season alone. Another example is Sam and Dean's clashes in 1.10 "Asylum" and in 1.11 "Scarecrow", which are largely analyzed by the fandom as moments where Dean is blindly following orders when they have some other, better option Sam is pushing, and Dean is just refusing to go along with Sam's much better ideas because he's too focused on believing their dad knows best... when that is not actually what is happening at all. Sam's alternative plans in the beginning of 1.10 and 1.11 are absolutely stupid. In 1.10, he wants to call the FBI on John to find him. That's his big idea—instead of following the coordinates John just sent them and seeing if he's there. In 1.11, Sam's big bright idea on finding John is to abandon some people to die on a time-sensitive case so he can go search all of Sacramento for John with nothing but an area code. His plans are dumb, plain and simple—and while we do see Dean hiding his own resentments in these episodes too, that does not remain true—which brings me to the other issue here.
  2. Fandom doesn't leave room for the brothers perspectives on John and their outward expressions of those perspectives to shift or mature over the series. This is particularly funny because their perspectives are literally swapping over the course of season 1, and have pretty much fully swapped by 2.02.

To also answer your question about my personal feelings on Lebanon—I think the episode suffers from trying to be too many things at once. It took them a long time to get confirmation from JDM that he was available (Jensen had to get in touch with him), so they started to make other plans for the episode, and I feel like in the end result, it's obvious this episode is really two different episodes desperately stuffed into the runtime of one. This is why the interactions between Sam and John and Dean and John are bound to feel insufficient. They simply don't have the time. They have Sam and Dean both explicitly say they just want to enjoy this small amount of time they have and not worry about the stress or the hurt right now, and that's reflected in the lack of confrontation between Sam and John and Dean and John. For a while, the interaction between Dean and John disappointed me (and tbh—Sam and John's just feels like a repeat of 5.13 to me). Also just one episode before Lebanon, in 14.12 "Prophet and Loss", we learned some new fucked up shit about Dean and John, and Sam dismissed it—another reason to dispense with this demonstrably false fanon narrative, but also another indication that they cannot talk about all of this they don't have the time or the energy.

DEAN I know things got dicey… you know, with dad… the way he was. And I just… I didn’t always look out for you the way that I should’ve. I mean, I had my own stuff, you know. In order to keep the peace, it probably looked like I took his side quite a bit. Sometimes when I was… when I was away, you know it wasn’t ‘cause I just ran out, right? Dad would… he would send me away when I really pissed him off. I think you knew that. SAM Man, I left that behind a long time ago. I had to. And if we’re gonna get through this, I-I have to do like you said and… try and keep my mind off of where we’re going. So, if we could not have conversations that sound like… deathbed apologies, I would really appreciate it.

So what Dean gets is, "I have a family", and there IS significance to this, because John has always known that's what Dean really wanted deep down. He speaks to it in 1.21 in tears in the same breath where he says he wants Sam to actually get to go to school (gifset)... and these words were foolish. They were a naive wish—a pipe dream. John had put them all through too much. Some of it wasn't his fault, but some of it also was (the neglect, a LOT of the fighting, the blame games, the parentification). John couldn't just snap his fingers after this 20 years long revenge quest was done and make his kids suddenly normal and not fucked up anymore and they all live happily ever after. The way reality begins to bend around John's disappearance makes a mockery of John's commentary from 1.21 (which his statement to Dean calls back to). Lebanon!Sam goes to school alright—but he turns into an insufferable, egotistical douchebag you can smell the deep-seated issues seeping off of him. Dean remains a hunter. They were never going to be normal!!!

Dean saying "I have a family" is a significant statement, because it's in spite of everything. In spite of the fact that he was never going to be normal, Dean took the fucked up world he has no choice but to live in (more than he even yet knows!) and formed a family anyway. There's no white picket fence, and he isn't normal—none of them are—and it's not easy—it's never been easy—but Dean has a family and he is PROUD of that family, and he doesn't need John's blessing or John's pride. He's his own man, standing tall.

DEATH: Shut up, Dean. I'm not here to tie your shoes every time you trip. I warned you about those souls how long ago? Long enough to stop that fool. And here we are again, with your little planet on the edge of immolation.

Buddy, ALL you said is “It’s about the souls” that’s IT that is NOT a warning it’s not even a CLUE.

Funnily enough, this is what really takes the wind out of Dean’s sails this episode—Death unreasonably throwing the blame on him for everything that’s happened then telling him to clean up his mess (his mess???). A cosmic being with immeasurable power makes Dean responsible for the weight of the whole world. Dean was parentified growing up—burdened with responsibility and treated as if he had power he never ever had, and then blamed for failing at things he couldn’t succeed at with the cards stacked against him, and all that’s happened now is Death has put the whole world on top of him instead of one kid brother.

DEAN: Well, I'm sorry. All right? I've been trying to save this planet, so maybe you should find somebody better to tip off.

“Find someone else”—that’s what Dean said right before crumbling under the weight of the first apocalypse. Right after Cas told Dean his (alleged) role was to prevent it. Right after Alastair told him it was his fault the whole thing was happening (it wasn’t). Now it’s happening again. Dean is being told this is all his fault again by a Supernatural being who takes no responsibility but throws all the blame at his feet as if he were more than a mere mortal. Dean breaks under the weight of it all again. The next time we see him, he tells Sam he’s given up. He won’t be fighting. He won’t look for a way to use the chance Death has given them to redo the ritual because there’s no point. They can’t reach Cas because Cas doesn’t want to hear them. Dean reached out so many times already and Cas spit in his face. Dean can’t do this. He’ll fail like he always fails. It’s too big. And no matter what he’ll be blamed anyway, so why does it matter?

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not to uh … but do you ever get taken out by grief thinking about dean being told “you’re in heaven. with your father.”

like what’s all this then??

DEAN: I didn't deserve what he put on me. And I don't deserve to go to Hell!

//

BOBBY: And your mom and dad... they got a place over yonder. It ain't just Heaven, Dean. It's the Heaven you deserve.
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