I hate when there's no toilet paper coming out the bottom of these gentlemen and you have to tickle its nutsack to de-piss yourself

what sicko blazed this

Exactly how I feel!

You know you'd hang out with this guy, it would be wild but not get arrested wild.

@kueble OTF but it's just stories about grandparents doing fun crazy things instead of breaking the law.

Everyone keeps talking about "the writer's barely disguised fetish". But I still haven't heard about "the writer's barely disguised huge ass pet peeve"

god I could be so wealthy if I had no ethics. that's so fucking frustrating. I'm living paycheck to paycheck because I'm not grifting vulnerable idiots on TikTok. I feel like I have the ability to very easily scam people. I could make a killing with AI. but god. I have morals and ethics and so I get to be poor as shit. I hate this fucking world

I could have made a killing as a psychic, but noooo I have to feel bad about lying to people ugh

I think abt this all the time because the thing is, evil rich people truly believe that they’re geniuses who have discovered a way to make money that the rest of us dummies haven’t…but the truth is that they are just willing to do evil shit that everyone else would prefer to not to because we have standards

When I attended my graduate school job fair, Raytheon (unprompted, hearing me say my degree at the next table) offered me $230,000/yr to come work for them. That was their opening offer after hearing nothing more than my degree, in a city with a very low cost of living. The only catch was that the job was working on vision systems for missiles. (i.e. those 'targeted' missiles which kill a ton of civilians as collateral or intentional damage)

I ended up taking an $85,000/yr job as an optical research scientist at Corning instead.

It is an odd feeling, having a price put on your soul. I'd be a millionaire with a house by my mid-30s if I'd accepted that. And the offer is still open, in fact I'd have an even more generous one waiting for me with the skills I have now.

In all seriousness, if you have the right skillset, you can actually sell your soul. This very week. You will live in comfort and moderate luxury for all your days. Two of my family members did that work decades ago, until they couldn't stomach it any longer, and it set up the rest of their lives.

But I promise you, it's not worth it. It's been almost 50 years for one of them and it still haunts him. He says the worst part was the way they (him included) talked about human lives as things. Numbers on a spreadsheet, sterile corporate jargon in meetings. A lifetime later and you can still see it in his eyes when he talks about it.

You can't take it back, treating humans like things.

Scrolled past this agakn and just can't get over how much I love it. We need to make things beautiful again and this is such a wonderful example. The beadwork on the wires of a utitarian object, contrasted with the grey concrete.

I've seen this photo and similar ones online for years, and with pretty much every nation where rug weaving is still practiced claiming it was an example of their handiwork, so I did a bit of sleuthing and it turns out the photo is from Thailand!

Quoting from the "Share knowledge of electrical systems - control cabinets - MDB cabinets - PLC control systems" Facebook page (Google translated, sorry):

"In daily life, for the picture of wires in the house that must be wired to various points and use wire clips to lock the wires in place, which does not require many steps. It is probably an image that we are used to seeing. But for the electrician's work as shown in the picture, it is a unique and intricate wire installation. This is... the science and art of wiring inside the building that creates intricate and beautiful patterns. I didn't think that wire clipping could play with patterns like this. It is another story that creates surprise for those who see it. When the electrician with great skills wires using wire ties to various devices by securing the wires to the walls or ceilings of the building with wire ties at every distance, it is like a former artist. Some people make woven patterns, OTOP mat weaving patterns, yantra patterns, Phra Thep Phanom patterns, various lotus patterns, etc. It depends on your imagination. It is considered a creative idea. It also creates good value for the work. Therefore, I would like to commend the technician's effort and patience. Then you can see the work as seen in the picture.

The science and art of wiring of the previous generation of technicians is wiring with VAF type wires that require the method of nailing wires to attach to the wall, cement or wood to make it look beautiful.

Which is different from the new generation of wiring that often uses the method of wiring in pipes embedded in the wall, in pipes on the exposed wall or wiring in various types of electrical wire storage trays using THW type wires and wires for various types of pipes, NYY wires, VCT wires, etc., which also gives another type of beauty that is very popular today. The wiring of the pipes must take into account the neatness and beauty, but must not neglect the details, specifications of the correct pipe and wire sizes at all times.

As for the old wiring method "clipping" which is still popular with technicians and some electricity users

The method of wiring by using clips to attach to the wall has various methods of wiring, emphasizing simple wiring, wiring that emphasizes neat wiring, making it beautiful, and there is also wiring that emphasizes wiring in a beautiful pattern using wire clips to tie it beautifully in the desired pattern. It is considered a wiring that truly relies on science and art. This type of work is often the work of A technician with long experience Because they have to plan the wire pattern, place the clips, and run the wires to get the beautiful pattern as desired. Otherwise, the work will not come out beautifully. For the patterns that are often used to assemble on the electrical wires

They are usually auspicious words, surnames, symbols, various Thai patterns. When the wire clips are placed in the right place, the pattern that appears will be beautiful, showing status, showing the relationship, such as the pattern written as a surname.

These works are works that show the art and experience of the technician as well. To make beautiful wire clips on the electrical wires, the technician must first lay out the outline to make that pattern, then gradually tie the wires one by one until it is complete as desired."

And I also found the OG pics!

Humans are capable of creating the most beautiful things from the most utilitarian means, and the fact that everyday art this isn't common practice everywhere makes me want to invent a time machine just so I could go back and kill the first person who came up with minimalism.

Bro, don't just mention a source and drop those image while CONTINUING to not provide links. 😭

Anyway, here's some links that are as close to original sources as I can readily find:

And related, from this Facebook post: https://www.facebook.com/share/p/163M5xYbdf/

HEROIC POSTER OF THE DAY!

Many thanks for finding the source on this, as you can see I grabbed it from a Facebook post where it had no attribution of any kind (OP didn't know either)

vampire sub with a "CAUTION I BITE" dog collar

You know how canaries were historically brought into coal mines, because if the mine was full of carbon monoxide the canary would die first and the miners would be able to escape before they died too?

I just found the greatest thing.

This is a canary resuscitator.

When the miners notice the canary getting sick with carbon monoxide poisoning, they can close that circular hatch so no more gas gets into the canary cage, and open the valve on that oxygen tank to keep the canary breathing. In other words, they made a spacesuit for birds.

By immediately giving the canary access to clean air, the miners can save it from the poison. The bird lives. To be clear, this is not for economic purposes, this was specifically created because the miners felt bad and wanted to save the bird.

Isn’t that just the perfect demonstration of what humans are like? We started sacrificing small creatures to save ourselves, and then felt bad and spent our valuable resources on saving the critters too. Because yeah the canary was the only way to test for CO, but it’s a living creature too, dammit!

Union watches out for its members.

An explainer for why I don't fuck with algorithmic social media

If you give a pigeon a little button to peck that releases pigeon food, it will push the button when it's hungry.

If you give a pigeon a button to peck that releases food every 5 pecks, it will peck it more often.

If you give a pigeon a button to peck that releases food at a randomly selected, always shifting number of pecks, the pigeon will peck that fucking button all day long.

Algorithm based social media is not set up to give you the best most fun stuff all the time, it is set up to give you a bunch of stress and nothingness with a randomized reward of something that actually makes you happy, because they want you pecking that button all damn day. It is a slot machine of content, meant to keep you putting in quarters made of your time and attention till you've nothing yet.

At least if I'm having a shit day on my own Tumblr feed it's because I've made a bad choice about who to follow and I can fix it.

I don't think my body realizes how healthy my labs say I am

(x)

I love how the tornado doesn't look malicious. She's just dancing along, doing her thing, and it's a pity you're so very ant-sized below.

tumblr will turn anything into a girl

of course, this is the turning into a girl website

she/herricane

Speaking of porn logistics, another personal favourite bit of fuckery is when an artist draws a picture containing multiple dicks, then produces a separate alt for every possible ejaculatory configuration, like there are four dicks and sixteen alts such that there's a version where only dick A is jizzing, a version where only dick B is jizzing, a version where dicks A and B but not C are jizzing, and so forth. I'm imagining some high-class dick connoisseur with exquisitely rarefied tastes out there like "yes, I want to see this character getting jizzed on, but only by the dick on the far left – the other dicks can wait their turn".

Some day I'm going to write a spy thriller where it turns out that the conspirators are sending coded messages via those E-Hentai galleries full of endless microscopically differing jizz alts, where each image contains four dicks and each dick serves as a one-bit component of a hexadecimal encoding.

Brb gotta encode national secrets into my hentai art

Hey fun facts that are fun together :

* as a reverse engineer, I have worked on extracting these sorts of arts from hentai games.

* the game art does this sort of thing so that the story can toggle between different versions. Maybe you didn't get enough Friendship Points with Tgirl Jessica, so she's not ejaculating in this picture.

* the games are often smarter about this than the galleries: instead of storing every combination of ejaculating/not-ejaculating, they store 1 base image, then separate per-dick ejaculatory overlays. So if you've got 4 dicks, this means they have 5 images instead of all 16 possibilities. But this makes no sense in an image gallery, so you have to compose the images together. You'd think all-off and all-on are the only options you need, but some people are content maximalists. (it's possible site policies regarding quotas and stuff is encouraging this behavior).

* around the same time I was working on tools to extract images from hentai games, I also was working on tools to steganographically hide files inside images, in several ways. This was in part because I was working with 4chan at the time and helping them catch files hidden inside images, because channers were turning 4chan into an arbitrary file sharing site (is it a jpeg or a neutral milk hotel album? It's both!), using it to bypass filtering/moderation (you put an image inside an image and now you can't see the internal image unless you extract it. Maybe it breaks the rules. Breaking the rules on /b/ is very bad), or hiding viruses in there (viruses that then post themselves back to 4chan and the cycle continues!)

* This is also when I worked for the US government

So all those facts put together, I'll just say that IF it turns out secret government agents were hiding confidential information encoded into the images of hentai game ejaculations galleries, then... it was me, and I did it back in 2009.

Foone Turing, the trans Ian Fleming for the digital age.

“If I had time travel I’d kill Hitler” “If I had time travel I’d stop my favourite politician getting assassinated” you’re all thinking way too small. If I had time travel I’d stop Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin from dying on the moon due to Soviet sabotage, kicking off the Great Nuclear War and devastating half of the planet.

Good Job.

#this post gets me every time 

It’s from two days ago fam how many times could there have been

do you think no one else has time travel

Happy one month anniversary to this post that has not allowed me a single day of fucking peace since I made it.

#surprise reblog!! 

STOP IT’S BEEN MONTHS. MONTHS!

YOU CAN STOP.

wow if only you had a time machine

Honestly having reached a billion notes I think it’s safe to say that in the Year of our lord 2041, this is the most popular tumblr post out there.

I’m killing your parents before you’re born

:)

Still here, why’d you hesitate @derinthescarletpescatarian

Your mum’s ability to hold up under active gunfire was really hot. I’m your dad now.

Isn’t that the plot of Terminator

Where do you think the plot for Terminator came from?

This is such a classic trainwreck post that has the vibes of a 2014 screenshot posted to Pinterest and then the last addition is just last Tuesday I can’t even

Imagine how I feel

POST, LIVE FOREVER!!!!!!

It doesn’t have to

Yes it does.

canceled my prime membership today

Congressional Republicans can end this at any time, you know. They can just do that. Stopping the tariffs wouldn't even take that many of them, not even 10 total.

People keep saying, "How can one man have the power to do all this?????" One man doesn't. One man is being supported in this by an entire political party, and that political party was elected to the majority in both of our houses of Congress. This isn't one man.

happy new year! reminder that as of January 1st, 2025, the 1929 animated Disney short "The Skeleton Dance" is now public domain!

I'd like to say "this will find its audience" but the truth is I just didn't know how to tag this

so either it'll find its audience or it'll get like 0 notes

follow me for daily public domain images. yeah yeah shameless plug I know

i taught a baking class for 12 year olds today and we made your garden variety chocolate chip cookies, but i’m a big believer in Questioning Everything and the who/what/where/why/when/how behind things, so the first part of the class was purposely letting the kids do things the wrong way, to show and explain why we do things the way we do.

“why do we bake cookies at 180 for 9 minutes when we could do 400 for 2 minutes?” -enter the godawful lump of coal with a still gross wet and uncooked inside

“why do we have to scoop out little cookies instead of doing the whole tray?” -ok well that one you can technically do if the spread is even. you just end up with one giant, structurally unsound cookie. “PLEASE CAN WE MAKE GIANT COOKIES” (we did make 1 giant tray cookie)

we talked a lot about why consistency is important, but i don’t think it really hammered home until i said “okay everyone gets ONE cookie, that’s fair, right?” and then handed out cookies of hugely varying sizes. + baked one fat lump of a cookie that still wasn’t done at the 9 minutes, vs the regular one i put in that came out charred by the time the first was actually done.

we also made a row of cookies where each one had one single differing ingredient omitted, like a cookie with no flour, or a cookie with no butter, and laid them all out on a single tray to bake together to see how each ingredient affects the outcome.

two of the little girls added cocoa to their cookie doughs until it matched the colour of each others skin to make best friend cookies, and that almost made me tear up a bit 🥺

got briefly distracted (…for over half an hour…) talking about how eggs form when someone cracked an egg and it had 2 yolks

expertly tolerated being asked how old i am (just turned 31 the other day) which was immediately followed by asking if i watched the moon landing live on tv

was so focused on keeping track of all the kids that in the end i forgot to make a cookie for myself, but it’s ok because one of the girls gave me this

tiny……….

the class went well and they asked if i wanted to do another one in a couple weeks and i said yeah, and they’re taking uh… fuck, what’s the word for inventory when it’s people?? attendance?? whatever, they’re trying to see who’s interested to get a feel of if it’d be 1 three hour class again or if there’s too many kids so we’d do a couple classes. anyways, i love the emails from Concerned Parents.

“will there be knives involved?” we are baking cookies.

“what temperatures does the oven get to/will it be hot enough to burn?” we are baking cookies.

“will there be [insert ingredient used in cookies]?” we are baking cookies.

“are you using fahrenheit or celsius?” ??????? d-does it matter?? it’s going to get Hot. (also celsius; this is ontario)

“are the ovens childproof?” no?? i’m assuming you’re asking if i’m going to let your kids reach into the ovens while i’m staring out a window in another room. i will not be allowing your children to use the ovens. they will not be left unattended. 

“why is the library baking class taking place at the high school?” the library does not have 10 ovens. the library does not even have 1 oven. the high school has many ovens.

“what if i don’t want my child to have cookies? can you let her make muffins instead?” this is a baking class for cookies. we are baking cookies.

“cookies aren’t healthy. why don’t you make [insert whatever]” do you know how many cookies i can make with a $40 budget and a trip to the bulk store? we are making cookies.

“who needs a class to bake a cookie, why not teach something more valuable?” IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT THE COOKIES, KAREN, IT’S ABOUT FAMILIARIZING CHILDREN WITH THE ART AND SCIENCE OF BAKING/COOKING/FOOD, ABOUT TRYING NEW THINGS, MAKING MISTAKES AND REALIZING THAT THE MISTAKES ARE NOT ONLY OKAY TO MAKE BUT VALUABLE IN AND OF THEMSELVES, FAMILIARIZING THEM WITH INDEPENDENCE, THE UNDERSTANDING OF HOW THINGS CAN COME TOGETHER TO FORM A NEW AND BETTER WHOLE, ALL WHILE HAVING TRYING TO INJECT A MODICUM OF JOY INTO THEIR LITTLE LIVES. SORRY THAT THERE ARE CONCEPTS AT PLAY YOU CAN’T SEEN TO UNDERSTAND HERE. MAYBE YOU SHOULD COME JOIN AND I’LL LET YOU MAKE A FUCKING COOKIE.