Had a dream that I saw this ad in a paper

please stop this looks like a real tumblr ad

I literally didn't question it until I read the post. I was just about to be happy the tumblr shitpost ad ecosystem was beginning to heal.

fuckk i should put eggs near my dog

twipie car wash comic

so cute this is making me smile a big smile such a delightful thing to think up and draw, you create a delightful thing and put it into the world I'm so smiling

trixie cars team-up now available on the nintendo two

#my family does this thing#when we've majorly unfucked a room or done chore that we were putting off#or whatever. Any sort of household Improvement.#'Come brag on me.'#I means come look I cleaned/rearranged/did dishes/put away the laundry#and the scripted response is 'oh nice it looks SO much better in here now'#like my mom did this when we were kids.#'girls comr brag on the garage I finally organized it so I can get my car in there'#and we go and 'ooh' and 'aah' and tell her how nice it looked and how she did a good job#and we could have her 'come brag on' us for like doing the dishes or cleaning our rooms#I do it to my wife now too#it's a dialogue that means#'I did a chore and it feels like an Accomplishment even if it objectively wasn't a big thing. Please acknowledge this.'#and#'Wow you sure did do a thing. It has improved our material circumstance even if only in a small way. Thank you for doing it.'#like yeah scrubbing the pans is my Job and it's a Little Task but sometimes it feels like a Big Task#and it's nice to have an Accepted Script where I can just demand 'I have functioned as an independent adult praise me with great praise' - by @thepioden

Twyla the absolute silly!!

don’t you know it’s not good for your hair to wash it every day. you have to use sulfate and paraben free shampoo. you have to wash your hair with conditioner instead. you should stop washing your hair for a month because actually your scalp has the natural ability to maintain itself. greasy hair can make your acne worse so make sure you wash it every day. you have to use this three step regiment on your face EVERY SINGLE night. buy this $70 serum and use it with the 10 other serums you have but don’t combine them. don’t use anything on your face except a gentle cleanser and moisturizer. do NOT use moisturizer on your face you are DESTROYING your skins natural moisture barrier! acne is just for teenagers you’ll grow out of it :) oh no but adult acne is sooooo common. just take birth control and your acne will go away. cut out all sugar and dairy and your acne will go away. actually those studies are fake, get light therapy treatments instead. take accutane and your acne will go away, only a couple of those kids killed themselves! shave your armpits because it looks better. if you shave your armpits you’re not a feminist. actually shaving your armpits is for HYGIENE. wax your legs. wax your bikini line. but waxing any part of your body can give you ugly ingrown hairs and permanently damage your skin and follicles and besides that’s the patriarchy. (but get laser hair removal instead.) don’t have an eating disorder because that’s too much but definitely do intermittent fasting. don’t eat carbs. don’t eat sugar. don’t eat fat. actually your brain uses carbs as its main energy source. actually fat is necessary but only good fat. you have to DRINK MORE WATER!!! drinking 8 glasses of water per day is a myth. burn fat and get toned by doing these exercises. but cellulite is natural and 99% of women have it so you HAVE to embrace it. take diet pills. ummm don’t you know those are meth?? take NATURAL diet supplements for weight loss. take THESE vitamins to cure your depression and clear your skin and make you better at sex and make your vision better and speed up your metabolism and make your digestion better and make you focus better. i know the ONLY right answer but you have to pay me for it. follow my blog! listen to my podcast! subscribe to my email newsletter! buy my snake oil!!

If a post doesn't apply to you it means the person who made it is excluding you on purpose. If someone makes a broad generalization in a tumblr post it means they know about your individual experiences and they're ignoring you deliberately because they hate you and want to make you mad. So if you see a post that doesn't factor in your personal perspective you should make sure to leave a comment of at least three paragraphs to make sure the op knows how deeply they have hurt you and how serious the matter truly is

Patti LaBelle’s live performance of “This Christmas” will never not be funny 😂

thanks for bringing this back lmfappoposejfd

LEMME SEE THAT CARDIGAN!

I’M CRYING

this has the same energy as an SNL skit

This is my first time seeing this and im mortified and dying laughing at the same time

does it count as "shipping two characters" if you want them to date solely so they can break up

Finally got a euthanasia appointment by entering the konami code into BetterHelp

[OCs] a girl and a ghost

Aww. He lacks enrichment

A year ago I got black-out drunk at a charity bar crawl. My best friend commissioned a painting of his favorite photo of me from that night.

truth trying to go back into her well after dealing with mankind

[ID: The painting is op, in antiquated clothing, on the floor, with their upper body leaning into a well in the middle of the woods. Right next to it, is the original picture: op, in the same position, and regular clothes, leaning on a toilet.]