Spread throughout the adaptation of The Corbomite Maneuver’s script are bits and pieces of how Jim sees his captaincy, and it’s fascinating.
Bones calls him out for pushing Lieutenant Bailey too hard, questioning whether Kirk made the decision to promote him based on facts or because he saw something of himself in the young crewman.
From this it sounds more like Kirk might be trying to squash out any illusions in Bailey about serving on a starship, let alone any aspirations towards command. The Naked Time has Kirk bemoaning his inability to fully exercise his desire to love and be loved, because the Enterprise and her crew are of paramount importance. There’s also that last sentence, suggesting Kirk races towards captaincy for the glamour, not fully appreciating what he’d have to give up in exchange.
That in itself is interesting because there isn’t really a strong case that he should have to make a sacrifice out of his personal life- there are members of the Enterprise crew who come from Starfleet families- and that Kirk is martyring himself. He could have those things but there’s still going to be a cost, and judging by the trail of good friends Kirk has left across Federation space, it’s not something he would willingly pay.
Perfection or nothing else because that’s what a Starship Captain demands, followed immediately by how tired he is, how burnt out. Is Kirk asking for perfection to exercise his frustration with the situation they’re in and his situation as captain or because being Perfect means that his personal martyrdom to the image of a Starship Captain makes the sacrifice worthwhile?
Kirk’s also somewhat dismissive and nearly resentful of the crew with the exception of Spock. During the countdown he is sharply aware that how he conducts himself affects the bridge crew, that awareness separates him from them, in his own thoughts putting him outside the community of the bridge crew. Kirk feels that, having seen him pull a rabbit out of his hat at the last minute to save them during previous crises, they’re now dependent on him to pull rabbit after rabbit out of his hat.
At one point he even has to smother his upset with Sulu, who is looking at him with awe. Kirk says he’s bored of excess awe and excess dependency.
The literal next sentence is that Spock isn’t prone to excessive awe or dependency, and Kirk notes that Spock never asks that Kirk pull a rabbit out of his hat. I think there’s some resentment associated with that perceived excess of awe and dependency (not just of Sulu but the whole crew), that he’s the one that always has to come up with the plans, be something more than human, be A Starship Captain.
I think it’s interesting that Spock is, to Kirk, set apart from the crew not only because of his role as First Officer but because he’s the only one who Kirk feels isn’t dependent on him. There’s equality between himself and Spock in a way that he needs desperately and can’t get with the way he’s set up: never breaking the Starship Captain persona for the rest of the crew, being married to the Enterprise (and a faithful husband). The crew can’t see him as a person, and he can’t give himself to any other person because that would be tantamount to adultery.
He loves the Enterprise as much as he resents her, and even though he feels trapped he can’t free himself.
