It got locked into the hope chest at the end of their bed! Anthea already had it stowed there with the intention of sneaking it into their bag before taking Narinder on a walk the day after he was freed, but when things didn't go to plan they just didn't have the heart to get rid of it. They hated looking at it, but also hated the idea of destroying it, since that'd kinda be like destroying what it had represented; their love, their commitment to him, their dreams of a future together. So it just stayed hidden for the first few months.
Yet as time passed and they slowly become friends again Anthea gradually began taking it out more and more, and suddenly doubting themself about it. It was a courtship sash, that's practically a proposal-what if it had been too presumptuous? What if it had been a mistake, seeing as them working on it was what caused Narinder to fear a betrayal? Such a little thing destroyed so much, yet they still couldn't bring themself to get rid of it.
But once the whole situation with the Bishops is said and done, Anthea decides that it's time to just get it over with. They and Narinder both approach each other with the intention of asking to speak about what happened, and they agree to meet at the fountain by the doors by nightfall. To which Anthea brings the sash, because they might as well show him just what that gift they'd been making was.
Then they just...talk. Narinder talks of his fear of another betrayal, his remorse for not saying anything when he doubted them, his regret in being so quick to judge alongside an apology for how things had happened that day, yet also his confusion of just what gift was so important that Anthea stopped talking to him as much and lied about the reasons why. Anthea talks about how they didn't consider how their actions appeared and apologizes for not explaining, says that they regretted not speaking to him after that final fight and letting things fester till the twins were revived, yet they also stop and admit that there's a reason why they were so caught up in their gift. Why they were so hurt.
They hesitate for a moment, then pull out the sash.
"I was making you a courtship sash. After you said you wished to leave the Gateway together...I had to make it. I've always just done what was best for everyone else...and yet...you were willing to stay trapped even in what I'd thought was the theoretical so long as I left with you. No one had ever been so...so selfless for my sake. And...I realized just how much I wanted that.
I kept...having all these thoughts and ideas and fantasies of what a life with you could be, and before I knew it I was planning the sash.
I'd never wanted anything like this before...and I needed something physical to reassure both you and myself that it was real."
Which for Narinder, at first it's this sudden swell of shock then elation-like he knows what that sash represents in sheep culture. Commitment and love, woven from the gifter's wool and crafted by hand in a process that takes weeks. To be gifted one is the most serious declarations of intent, and despite everything Narinder had never stopped being hopelessly in love with Anthea.
So he has this brief thought of 'They love me, they wanted to be with me, they love me-', then that heart-plummeting realization what that meant his betrayal had done. It re-contextualizes everything. Anthea's shock, their anger, their avoidance and their hesitation after the fact. Though he hadn't know, Anthea had been prepared to hold out their heart to him, and he'd crushed it. They'd for the first time stepped out of this mindset of hiding their feelings, their wants, their needs and tried to reach for something, and he'd burned them for that.
Narinder basically speedruns the seven stages of grief in the span of like 2 seconds, before deciding that well there went his shot and so be it. Though they're friends again and raising the kits together, whatever love Anthea had must be long gone after him basically giving them the equivalent of a rejection. Like yeah both sides know it was a misunderstanding now, but feelings surely could never survive or return after that. He goes 'Ah I see-' in this not sad way, but in this resigned acceptance, and anticipates that to be it.
But then Anthea starts getting nervous at his almost muted reaction and starts to slip a little. They were being very honest and basically implied their feelings without directly stating them, but they're now worried so they try to play off the sash as this silly, frivolous thing made in the heat of excitement because they think they've made him uncomfortable. That they overthought what he'd said, (see the Bishops Arc section of Anthea's Overview) and shouldn't have taken his words as seriously as they'd had.
"It was mostly intended as a thank you, really! I just let the fantasy of things get the best of me...a-and however you would've had me...that would have been more than enough...I...I know you wouldn't have wanted...that what I felt was...
I know it wasn't the same."
And Narinder looks at them and suddenly sees a mirror of himself. Longing, uncertainty, anxiety, and...love. So much love that it hurts. They're playing it off, but a courtship sash isn't nothing. No one puts in all that time in just a 'thank you' gift, if it had been that there are plenty of other things Anthea could've made.
And he realizes there's something still there. Fragile and scared...but it's there, and he's not going to ignore it twice.
"What if it was?''
And Anthea stops spiraling. They look over, really look over, and notice how uncertain he is but also...there's a warmth there-a hope. A tenderness as on the ledge of the fountain he takes their hands and cradles them so, so carefully within his with a brief glance to the cloth folded in their lap.
"If...if you still had the chance...would you gift the sash now? And if not in this moment...c-could you one day?"
They'd seen him tear up once or twice back then, back when they were vessel and god-since then Anthea hadn't seen Narinder cry once, not even when the boys were revived. Not even when his siblings returned one by one. And yet here as he looks at them with a hesitant smile and tears in his eyes, they realize what he's left unspoken.
'Could you love me again?'
It's a confession. Unspoken and silent as theirs had been, but it's a confession.
And it's not the way they had dreamt it-they had planned to take him to their father's stargazing spot and do it there in a field of white flowers and starlight. But that doesn't matter as they all but throw themselves into his chest and hug him tight and bury their sobbing face into his neck.
It's relief and regret and more murmurs of apologies between them both, and it could be minutes or hours that they sit there together in the evening moonlight, but that last weight upon their chests is gone and everything is suddenly so much more clear. When the tears have stopped Anthea sits cuddled in Narinder's lap as they quietly hand him the sash and watch as he traces the different patterns and threads, and it should feel new or different but it just feels like this is what they've always done.
Then he asks them to help him tie the sash about his waist because he can't quite figure out how it goes with the stiffer cloth, and they can't help themselves and just kiss him.
(This question is from December dear GODS. Sorry for the wait!!!!)
