when spiders put their little pedipalps together

RB to give prev a heartfelt gift: Patch of Moss

this line delivery has lived in my head for 10 years

Just one guy? Just one, Spider-maAann.

­ Or woman! We don't know.

­ ...for suᵘuᵤre,

Rosemary? You mean spicy pine needles?

Are you insinuating that regular pine needles aren’t spicy???

Regular pine needles are regular

Not by rosemary standards

…Have you eaten pine needles?

We’ve been friends for like four years, do you seriously have to ask if I’ve eaten pine needles or not

I mean I’m pretty sure you have but I don’t want to assume

Of course I’ve eaten pine needles. Various kinds. Singleleaf pinyon is weirdly the best

Are they…

You know, I’d love to tell you but I’m pretty unclear about what marks the difference between “spice” and “strong-tasting plant that isn’t considered a spice”

I’ll have to eat some pine needles myself then to find out

Ok but it only counts if they’re PINE needles and not just any old needle-like leaf off a tree

I’m going to eat every needle-like leaf I see

Please Don’t Do That

Needle-Like Leaf Roulette

…I’ll accept this plan as long as you promise not to eat any yew leaves.

I can try very hard not to

Pine needles are distinguished by the presence of a sheath-like structure at the base of the leaf, almost always holding bundles of two or more leaves. Yews don’t have the sheath thing

It’s time for me to go out into the woods and stare at needle leaves

Finally you can gain real insight into my average daily life

this conversation reads like two shakespeare characters who come out in the middle of the play to talk about something completely unrelated for comic relief and then are never heard from again

god fucking dammit gimme a minute

Enter AERUH and MALUS SYL-VESTRIS, a pair of JESTERS.

AERUH I tell thee, rosemary is like a pine but with a spicy taste.

MALUS                         Art thou to claim that needles base of pine have not a spice?

AERUH A needle base of pine is merely base.

MALUS ‘Tis not when held, comparing, to anthos.

AERUH My dearest Malus, needles thou'st eaten?

MALUS How many moons have we as friends seen rise? How many suns have we as friends seen set? Thou sixteen seasons in my heart I’ve held, and hope that I in thine hast been the same. With brotherhood as rich and old as this, thou needst not ask me such frivolities.

AERUH I know thou likely has, to tell the truth, but I would not assume.

MALUS                       Well, yes, I have. A multitude of types I’ve eaten too. I’ll tell thee now: the best (though it is strange) is single-leaf pinyon.

AERUH                     And it has spice?

MALUS I truly wish that I could tell thee this, but now, i'faith, I cannot fully tell, the difference in classifying thus: to say “has spice” or merely “herbal strength”.

AERUH To tell this tale most clearly it would seem that eating needles from a pine’s required.

MALUS Aye, it would seem that that’s the task at hand, but caution tells that this is what’s to do: eat only needles of the honest pine, and none of lying leaf with pinelike shape.

AERUH I’ll eat them all.

MALUS                   I prithee, stay thyself.

AERUH Roulette with leaves.

MALUS                     At least restrain from yew.

AERUH I’ll do my best.

MALUS                That is all can we do. The scholars tell that needles true of pine can be distinguished from the lying yew by sheathlike clothing all along the base; the yew has no such guard.

AERUH                          With this new truth I now will venture out into the wood and seek the pines and pinelike fakes alike to stare them down and learn their secret truths.

MALUS With this thou canst at long and weary last Discover for thyself my life’s own path.

Exeunt.

Enter MACDUFF.

MACDUFF. Yo dudes that king there’s dead. Like dead as FUCK.

get this shit in angsty emotional moodboards NOW

aye aye capn

PLEASE THIS ROCKS

girl your ovulation is showing

"the ides of march". "neil banging out the tunes". "superputinelection"

Things worn down by people.

this is unironically one of the most beautiful photo sets i've ever seen

You know those weird horizontal pupils that goats have?…. they get a lot weirder.   Other places to see my posts: INSTAGRAM / FACEBOOK / ETSY / KICKSTARTER

I did not know this.

I see this at a farm nearby where I like to hang with the goats, but the only time I’ve seen it captured on film was in that recent episode of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia where Sweet Dee got trampled in the petting zoo. I guess it is deeply disturbing and kind of underutilized in horror, but I still wish my eyes did that.

Like, seriously, why isn’t this in more movies? Why did I have to make the .gif myself?

In all fairness, human eyes do this too…it’s just harder to tell because we have round pupils instead of horizontal pupils.

[x]

i want there to be less information on this post please

Felt the need to add that the very last thing isn’t quite accurate, while human eyes can and do rotate, they only do so a few degrees (not sure exactly but something like 15 degrees). That’s why when you turn your head your field of vision rotates too.

i summon thee, gimmick blogs, to bring me the fruits of your gimmick. failure to do so will result in death.

fruit.. i ate a fruit once......

You're not still mad about that, are you?

ADAM EATS GAY PEOPLE PASS IT ON

That's why he tried to bite me in the Garden?!?!

Luci you’re gay?! I’m so proud of you for coming out

Readers added context:

Gay Satan is canon in South Park. However, there is nothing conflicting with this in the actual text of the Bible, so gay satan real…? Up to your headcanon I guess.

sup i’m ancient greece

I'm the country of Ireland

We hope this email has found y- what the fuck happened here

of course you have blood all over you. and pronouns

easy website

^^^ me when I’m trying to calm down my horse named “Website”

weird horse

"Websight" is a Valid Warrior Cat Name!

train wreck of a post. hit reblog

oww :(

I hope this email found you well.

well i’m decomposing in a ditch. That’s where/how your email finds me

this is so cute and sweet but the song choice combined with the silverback’s incredible run (which all bipedal gorilla runs are) is making me lose it

Every summer I forget how much I fucking love spiders I’ve drunk one every day this week

Drinking spiders??!

You put ice cream in a glass and pour soft drink over it. It creates a thick layer of delicious foam on top of a sweet, creamy drink with ice cream in it.

And yes I did attempt to get a picture by googling “Australia spider” like a fucking moron.

I think that’s called a float in the states. Although we usually plop the icecream into the glass after the soda. Similar effect though.

We wouldn’t be able to call it that because the word is way too easy to confuse with a floater, which is a meat pie floating in a bowl of pea soup. It is every bit as delicious as a spider though. I should get some pies and pea soup.

I would like to announce that this is not a standard Australian food, it’s exclusively a South Australian one and the rest of Australia is just as appalled as the rest of the world.

It’s not our fault that the rest of Australia is incorrect about food.

#WE HAVE SPIDERS IN AOTEAROA and they serve CUNT#im gonna steal ice cream from work this weekend and make spiders with it. i will steal the fizzy from work also#i fucking hate my boss 

Living your best life I see

“average person eats 3 spiders a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in South Australia and BADLY misinterpreted our survey question,,

No no, Spider is a much better name than Float.

Spider has style, flair. It’s kinda cute.

Float sounds dumb, and it might sound a little like I’m drinking decimal numbers (coding reference), but a drink like this is much more playful and silly to me than the one such a name would warrant.

if you are lonely or in pain i am holding your hand and squeezing it gently to remind you that i see you, you don't deserve this, and i believe in you. i believe in you to do whatever good you reasonably can. you don't need to be perfect. you don't need to have all the answers.

you are just one person going through so so much, and i am right there with you on that. i can't promise it will be okay in the way we want it to be okay. but i can promise that so long as other humans exist, we will never be truly alone in our suffering.

it's ok to be gentle with yourself. i promise.

The colors of the sky