hte real april foule… was you.

for thinkjghing I did not care abou you.

my friende.

Sometimes the rats in my brain come together and start yelling “YEARNING” and in trying to appease them I ask “FOR WHAT” but they are too small so all they can say is “YEARNING” which is a very big word for such a tiny creature, even collectively

I loved this visual so much I had to doodle it.

ratratratratrat

Thank god this is still circulating because of your wonderful art, Mandy. I needed it tonight

Thank god your post was such a lovely way to describe such a universal feeling. The brain-rats yearn eternal 🐀🐀🐀

My father and I play this… game… in which we both pretend to be attempting to assassinate each other. When we serve the other food or drink, we’ll adopt the most suspicious mannerisms and wording possible, as though the food were secretly poisoned and we are eagerly waiting for them to eat it and die.

The other player pretends that they know their food is poisoned, but must feign ignorance and try to come up with subtle excuses not to eat/drink it without seeming rude or directly confronting the other about the attempted kinslaying.

Wholesome family bonding.

Last night my father brought me “a nice tall glass of ice water” and stood there watching me closely as I sipped it. I pretended to swallow, at which point he threw his head back and laughed maniacally.

While he was laughing, I spit the entire mouthful of water that I’d been holding in my mouth onto his shirt, patted my chest, and said, “Oh, dear, Father; I’m afraid this water was just too cold. I need to let it warm up. Why don’t I make us some… tea.”

Another thing we do is imply that we have set lethal traps for each other.

“Goodnight Father,” I’ll tell him (because Father with a capital F is the most sinister and threatening thing you can call your dad). “I hope you sleep well tonight. Very well. It would be a shame if something… disturbed you.“ In response, he’ll make an offhand remark about needing to Google the upper age limit for sudden infant death syndrome, or he’ll bring up my “inheritance” and the possibility that he might have worthy bastard children somewhere. 

My mother does not like our game.

Literally the most important words ever spoken

When you are a classical musician and the public asks you to play Queen …

@hieronymus-bush … although I’m not sure what you’ll think of it 😆

Holy hell. He has amazing technique AND he didn’t just transcribe the piece to piano, he essentially composed classical music (and honestly some neo-classical, lol) based on the melody. Plus, he kind of looks like Freddie.

People in the 1800s would've gone apeshit over this in the concert halls

Reblogging to watch later...

I think this guy just invented shredding on a piano

"Why is the song called that" "Oh, that's why"

I can't remember the last time I watched someone enjoy playing the piano this much. Amazing

@elodieunderglass At NO POINT in this video did I know what was going to happen next

Oh wow. Thank you so much for thinking of me!!

@elodieunderglass I will never stop following you because people send you the BEST SHIT

I am extremely lucky to be the lightning rod for such energy, it’s true!

Remember that even though you pirate the show and don't give JKR a single view or dime directly, you're still keeping the franchise relevant.

You're still showing companies such as HBO and WB that her IP is profitable, that people still care, that people will still buy.

And so they'll keep selling, and people will keep buying, and she will keep lobbying.

The only way to stop her from killing trans people is to kill the franchise, and the only way to kill the franchise is to stop interacting with anything that has to do with her IP even if it's pirated or fan creations.

REMINDER THAT AS BIG AND MASSIVE AND UBIQUITOUS AS THIS FRANCHISE SEEMS IT IS NOT INFALLIBLE.

The Fantastic Beasts Franchise was supposed to be 5 movies. It flopped after 3.

Genre is fucking expensive. If this show doesn't get the numbers, HBO will drop it in a heartbeat. This is a company that Does Not Care about being precious about its IP no matter how nostalgic the franchise or how famous the people attached. This is the company that refused to release a completed Batgirl film for a tax break. All they care about is the money.

If the new HBO show is supposed to follow the books, that's SEVEN SEASONS of TV. Seven seasons of expensive, green screen, fantasy genre TV with a massive, star studded (read expensive) cast

If the show doesn't bring in massive numbers, there's no way HBO will keep it going, it doesn't matter how big the movies were 20 years ago. All that matters is the profit they can make today

In other words: DO NOT DESPAIR. DO NOT LET JK ROWLING FILL YOU WITH HOPELESSNESS JUST BECAUSE SHES LOUD.

This show can fail. It's actually incredibly likely that it will. Hold the line. encourage others to boycott. Do not watch/hate watch this show. And it will fail.

And once it does, and the bigger the flop it makes when it does, the less and less power JK Rowling will have.

Daily fucking reminder that Luigi Mangione is innocent, completely and fully. He has been convicted of no crime. He has had no fair trial. He is a SUSPECT. Luigi Mangione is entirely innocent and everyone needs to stop parroting this insidious propaganda that he “committed” the crime he is only SUSPECTED of. He is not a murderer. He is not a criminal. He is an innocent man.

Put this out about Luigi Mangione.

Before I knew I was bisexual I was just insanely dramatic and weird around guys I liked. I had a crush on this guy in my ward - he was older than me, he played bagpipes and had a cheerful dog and an old Volkswagen bus that he worked on all the time. He also had nice scruff and unnaturally attractive hands and a good sense of humor, so I was like FULLY smitten.

I talked about him a lot and about how he was just so dang COOL, dang it, because he was so frickin’ cool. And I really liked him. I thought he was funny and smart and interesting and cool and fascinating and a bunch of other weird feelings I barely had the attention span to think about (I think my ADHD may have prevented me from coming out for a while tbh).

One day, I’m like 14-15, his dad is called to be my Sunday School teacher. His dad is this ex-military hardass with a chip on his shoulder for absolutely no reason and unattainable standards for his children. He spent most of Sunday School talking shit about his eldest boy and how he was rebellious and didn’t listen to him and how that was going to make him a bad adult and a bad son forever. How his son was too lazy and unmotivated to be successful because he didn’t listen to his advice on how to read the scriptures. He complained about how our generation was too weak to do things right and that our generation would surely be the one that brought the world’s downfall because of our laziness and sin.

And like, first of all, that guy can already go fuck himself for that. To clarify, that’s already stupid. BUT. He was talking about the man I had uncomfortable dreams about at least once a month. I couldn’t stand it. I’d get so mad I’d go home shaking sometimes because how fucking DARE he insult his hardworking stunning son by calling him lazy? For not reading the Bible the way his dad wants? When he’s already spending his time learning bagpipes? And fixing cars? And being cool? And cute? Who the fuck even cares if he uses the footnotes in the Book of Mormon? Who gives a rotten rat’s ass if he doesn’t use the scripture study manual his dad uses? He’s so cool he doesn’t even need it? So fuck off?

And eventually I got fucking Sick Of It and decided to mutiny. And by mutiny, I mean skip class. I’d just not go. And after a bit, adults started noticing and bugging me about it. At first, this was put off by small talk and excuses, but as my absence from Sunday School became more well-known, my excuses began to be rejected.

“Oh, Lizard, why aren’t you in class?” Uhm idk because my Sunday School teacher is mean to his kid and that makes me so mad wtf do you want from me? 🫠🤔

“Where’s your class, I’ll go with you!” Oh no ty I’d rather peel my own eyes than have my taste in men critiqued tyty 🩷

“Lizard, you should go to class, I’m sure they miss you!” And I miss the innocent days where my stomach didn’t hurt when a cool boy I knew was being belittled but unfortunately for us both those days are LONG gone and all that’s left is a budding psychosexual clusterfuck that will render me almost fully incapable of functioning for the better part of a decade so Bye Bye, sister Smith 🙂‍↕️

It had gotten to the point that ward leadership was involved. I was being approached by members of the Young Men’s presidency and the Bishopric to try and make me to back to class. They were telling me God had told them to find me and instruct me on my rebelliousness. This is where I implemented my secret weapon - women. Mormons are weird as hell about a lot of things, but especially about women. And I was GREAT with women. So to combat the leadership’s attention, I started helping women.

Our ward had a lot of new moms with babies who were, as babies tend to be, fussy. But for Mormon women the church is often their only social outlet, so they try to power through as long as they can even if it means enduring the exhausting ordeal of taking care of a fussy baby at church.

For what it’s worth, I have a lot of sway with babies. I got baby street cred. Me and babies have a rapport. I have always known this. I have always loved this. And in this crucial gay time in my faggot life my baby mind powers came in clutch - Every time I saw a member of the bishopric getting close, or a young men’s leader giving me side-eye, I’d start walking slowly towards class, passing by relief society. I’d wait until a mom’s baby had gotten too fussy and needed to leave the room, and I’d swoop in like a knight. “Oh, don’t you worry sister, I’ll bounce him a bit. You go back and hang out with your friends in class. You deserve a break.”

If it was a diaper change or something they’d tell me no. But if it was just some good old-fashioned baby fusses, I mean, they’d be moved almost to tears. They just got their social time back AND a free babysitter who is renowned as the Baby Whisperer. And because I was holding a baby as a favor for someone else, I of course could not reasonably be bothered to return to class.

So just like that, I was out of everyone’s sights. This went on for about a month before the straw that broke the camel’s back, which was that without my class participation the classes were quiet and awkward. I’d often take the brunt of Sunday school lectures by answering questions impulsively and over explaining myself enough that the clock could run out without anyone needing to do or say much. My absence meant everyone else was getting hit with the full unpleasantness of this guy’s bullshit. And so slowly, one-by-one, I had a group of about 8 kids on baby-holding duty. These new moms were so overjoyed, they and their husbands were both so actively in our corner that now chastising us was untenable. Now we had bargaining power. So the Bishopric approached us, confused beyond confused and uncomfortable beyond uncomfortable, and said,

“What’s it gonna take to get you back to class?”

The POWER I possessed in that moment was addictive. By being kind to the women of the ward and ignoring the Mormon de facto Rule of Law of following rules en-masse so the rule breakers feel left out, there were now so many people breaking ranks that we had effectively enacted a church boy labor strike. And they crumbled so fast it was almost like we had swayed God himself to our cause.

“I want brother assholedad gone. He sucks at teaching.”

I didn’t even have to say it. One of my rebels said it for me. I just nodded sagely and said “Yes, his class is not edifying. It’s better to not go and hold babies.”

And just like that, with a snap of my limp-wristed, Christ-wounding, bottom-brained fingers my faggot will was enacted. God’s revelation that brother shitdad was his chosen Sunday school teacher flipped on a dime. Suddenly brother shitdad was asked to be an usher and the fun dad of another one of my crushes was called in to teach us. I still stayed to hold babies a lot, but the rest of the class returned and all was well again.

Although I didn’t recognize it then, I think that was a formative moment for me in a lot of ways. I learned that being really persistently annoying will get me what I want from authority eventually. I learned that God’s will can be swayed by going in strike. I learned that ignoring men’s made up authority forces them to level with you as a person. I learned that caring for women, especially vulnerable women, can make a whole world happier. I learned that letting women rest can help them feel more love for the things that matter in their life. I learned that social bonds make everyone stronger and happier. And I learned that loving others in a gay way can change the world.

Be gayer. Read Terry Pratchett. I love y’all 💕

if you told diogenes the cynic about being trans he'd be like "lol that's a sick troll you're epic" and you'd be like "diogenes no i'm serious" and he'd be like "lol that's even better lmao those guys are so mad about it" and then he'd start going by new original neopronouns every single day specifically to piss off the whole symposium

I just had an idea for a really dumb comedy sketch where a transphobe starts ranting about what really makes a women a woman, and diogenes returns each time with a different cis woman or outwardly femme intersex person that doesn't meet the criteria saying "behold, a man!"

"a woman has XX chromosomes"

*Diogenes with an androgen insensitive XY cis woman*: behold, a man!

"Nono, a woman can bear children!"

*Diogenes with someone who has medical complications associated with pregnancy*: "behold, a man!"

"nono, a woman produces the large gamete"

*Diogenes with a postmenopausal cis woman* "behold, a man!"

Trans Rights With Diogenes! coming to PBS

Some idiot: only women can produce eggs!

*Diogenes holds up a chicken* Behold! A woman!

my tumblr ads keep telling me not to cum

tumglr thinks im addicted to porn and is telling me to take ivermectin about it

@staff what the fuck even are your advertisers? It’s like aliexpress over here.

I don't know but I just got targeted a 5 lb bag of ice and I'm genuinely intrigued as to what would happen if I ordered it...

> spend $1000's on ads for $2.89 bag of ice that will be water when it arrives

> profit

had a dream that someone suggested the best gender neutral form of address would be Mþ (pronounced Myth) and i immediately said "mith me with that gay shit HEYOOO" and woke up at 4:30am hanging sideways off of my bed

a collection of my favorite tweets regarding the Ever Given in the Suez Canal

happy 1st bday to... this.

I personally am declaring this to be a new International Holiday 

Happy 2nd anniversary to the Suez Canal blockage!

Ever Given Week, 22 March to 29 March (observed)

22 March - Ever Given Eve. Many celebrate by completing some small task they’ve been putting off, symbolically clearing blockages in their own lives.

23 March - Blockage Day! The main celebration. The exchanging of memes.

24 to 28 March - Hilarity ensues. Memes continue to circulate. The best are saved for next year’s observances.

29 March - Clearance Day. Festivities wind down. A more solemn occasion.

Happy 4th Anniversary! 🥳