I think so much of the outlook over fandom would change if many people treated it like it is: a goddamn hobby.
A fandom group is no better nor more revolutionary than a knitting club. It can replicate any real world biases and discriminations and it can also be used to raise money/group people towards causes. It can foster connections that will turn to actual real political action or it can just be a gathering of people who don't know much about each other outside of it.
It can be lovely to experience when you're surrounded by a lovely group and it can be hell when the group is full of cattiness and pettiness . It can be inclusive or it can be exclusive when you're surrounded by bigotry.
Because it's a group of people - it's going to have problems. And when there's a conflict or people are pointing shit out, it needs to be solved so its members aren't spit out in the sake of "avoiding drama". Because it's a group of people, it's not automatically changing the world in a blaze of self grandeur. Because it's a group of people with a common hobby, it can impact its members lives for the better and give them a space to express themselves.
Fandom is a goddamn knitting club. It's not this inherent great, subversive force of good nor this den of evil that's traumatisizing the children. Chill out.