Kris Get The Banana

If I was a mage in the dungeon meshi universe, I'd figure out how to enchant living paintings and then commission some artists to paint me a bunch of pictures of magnificent feasts. Then I'd rent out a gallery space and charge entry to my Magical Food Hall, where you can eat as much of anything you want and not experience any of the consequences. Think of the possibilities. I'm not just talking about calories and weight loss here. I'd have a painting of a bakery where gluten-free people can gorge themselves on bread and cakes and then leap out of the painting before the vomiting sets in. I'd have an ice cream parlor for the lactose intolerant. One painting is just called "The Allergen Feast" and is a table laden with things like nuts, soy products, shellfish, etc. I'd have a painting of a county fair with the most insane types of fried food imaginable. I'm planning an expansion, but first I gotta consult some religious experts to see if eating imaginary painted food that isn't kosher/halal is technically against the rules or not.

I know a bunch of people are into this as a kink thing, but as a person who is really into survivalism, this is so cool.

Strap them on like backpack

writers take note if you have a scene where a character needs to move someone

Expression is sacred, and imagination is not illegal, but when your imagination is not from the soul, and expressed with stolen talents, then you don't deserve protection, but only punishment.

A MARTYR?????

GIRL WHAT RIGHTEOUS CAUSE DO YOU DIE FOR

i looked into this a bit more and studio ghibli didnt even send him a cease and desist. he faked the letter. hes pretending at being a martyr because.... if i were to guess, business is slow lol. what a loser

who does this

the SCP vending machine does not get nearly enough love and it’s my absolute favorite

how can you not love this

i mean really

How could you forget all the shenanigans with them doing the coin on a string trick, it goes from trying to kill them to just fucking with them in return

infinitely supperior to the numerous SCP stabby mc teleports behind you

all of my pacman comics

Ok, well I was reading this as one continual, unbroken narrative and having a fucking mini stroke trying to understand.

egg magical girl where she's like "man, i wish i could be a girl all the time, this is so fun! sucks im a guy the rest of the time when im not in uniform."

her name is like. sparkle sparkle sunshine and she's so insanely miserable in her day to day life. her teammates, sparkle sparkle moonlight, sparkle sparkle loveheart and sparkle sparkle stardust don't know she's a "guy" and she's mortified of them finding out. so while the three of them hang out outside of uniform, she isolates herself.

her whole thing is fighting darkness with the Truth and her "sparkle friend" is a little sun shaped lion thing named beam who's incapable of telling lies, which puts a lot of pressure on her. she keeps telling herself and beam that she'll tell her teammates eventually, but... not right now.

sparkle sparkle transgenderism

the hatching starts when beam offhand mentions she's a girl and she's like "but you can't lie??"

YOU GET EXACTLY WHAT I WAS GOING FOR THERE

this is a real scene in the movie. i-i think.

genuinely love that when ppl draw their hawke they will add the face blood smear regardless of whether they have it in the game. whos this stranger im looking at? *adds a red stripe across the nose* of course thats my friend Firstname Hawke from dragon age 2

monumental difference

Professional sleeper

Before I knew I was bisexual I was just insanely dramatic and weird around guys I liked. I had a crush on this guy in my ward - he was older than me, he played bagpipes and had a cheerful dog and an old Volkswagen bus that he worked on all the time. He also had nice scruff and unnaturally attractive hands and a good sense of humor, so I was like FULLY smitten.

I talked about him a lot and about how he was just so dang COOL, dang it, because he was so frickin’ cool. And I really liked him. I thought he was funny and smart and interesting and cool and fascinating and a bunch of other weird feelings I barely had the attention span to think about (I think my ADHD may have prevented me from coming out for a while tbh).

One day, I’m like 14-15, his dad is called to be my Sunday School teacher. His dad is this ex-military hardass with a chip on his shoulder for absolutely no reason and unattainable standards for his children. He spent most of Sunday School talking shit about his eldest boy and how he was rebellious and didn’t listen to him and how that was going to make him a bad adult and a bad son forever. How his son was too lazy and unmotivated to be successful because he didn’t listen to his advice on how to read the scriptures. He complained about how our generation was too weak to do things right and that our generation would surely be the one that brought the world’s downfall because of our laziness and sin.

And like, first of all, that guy can already go fuck himself for that. To clarify, that’s already stupid. BUT. He was talking about the man I had uncomfortable dreams about at least once a month. I couldn’t stand it. I’d get so mad I’d go home shaking sometimes because how fucking DARE he insult his hardworking stunning son by calling him lazy? For not reading the Bible the way his dad wants? When he’s already spending his time learning bagpipes? And fixing cars? And being cool? And cute? Who the fuck even cares if he uses the footnotes in the Book of Mormon? Who gives a rotten rat’s ass if he doesn’t use the scripture study manual his dad uses? He’s so cool he doesn’t even need it? So fuck off?

And eventually I got fucking Sick Of It and decided to mutiny. And by mutiny, I mean skip class. I’d just not go. And after a bit, adults started noticing and bugging me about it. At first, this was put off by small talk and excuses, but as my absence from Sunday School became more well-known, my excuses began to be rejected.

“Oh, Lizard, why aren’t you in class?” Uhm idk because my Sunday School teacher is mean to his kid and that makes me so mad wtf do you want from me? 🫠🤔

“Where’s your class, I’ll go with you!” Oh no ty I’d rather peel my own eyes than have my taste in men critiqued tyty 🩷

“Lizard, you should go to class, I’m sure they miss you!” And I miss the innocent days where my stomach didn’t hurt when a cool boy I knew was being belittled but unfortunately for us both those days are LONG gone and all that’s left is a budding psychosexual clusterfuck that will render me almost fully incapable of functioning for the better part of a decade so Bye Bye, sister Smith 🙂‍↕️

It had gotten to the point that ward leadership was involved. I was being approached by members of the Young Men’s presidency and the Bishopric to try and make me to back to class. They were telling me God had told them to find me and instruct me on my rebelliousness. This is where I implemented my secret weapon - women. Mormons are weird as hell about a lot of things, but especially about women. And I was GREAT with women. So to combat the leadership’s attention, I started helping women.

Our ward had a lot of new moms with babies who were, as babies tend to be, fussy. But for Mormon women the church is often their only social outlet, so they try to power through as long as they can even if it means enduring the exhausting ordeal of taking care of a fussy baby at church.

For what it’s worth, I have a lot of sway with babies. I got baby street cred. Me and babies have a rapport. I have always known this. I have always loved this. And in this crucial gay time in my faggot life my baby mind powers came in clutch - Every time I saw a member of the bishopric getting close, or a young men’s leader giving me side-eye, I’d start walking slowly towards class, passing by relief society. I’d wait until a mom’s baby had gotten too fussy and needed to leave the room, and I’d swoop in like a knight. “Oh, don’t you worry sister, I’ll bounce him a bit. You go back and hang out with your friends in class. You deserve a break.”

If it was a diaper change or something they’d tell me no. But if it was just some good old-fashioned baby fusses, I mean, they’d be moved almost to tears. They just got their social time back AND a free babysitter who is renowned as the Baby Whisperer. And because I was holding a baby as a favor for someone else, I of course could not reasonably be bothered to return to class.

So just like that, I was out of everyone’s sights. This went on for about a month before the straw that broke the camel’s back, which was that without my class participation the classes were quiet and awkward. I’d often take the brunt of Sunday school lectures by answering questions impulsively and over explaining myself enough that the clock could run out without anyone needing to do or say much. My absence meant everyone else was getting hit with the full unpleasantness of this guy’s bullshit. And so slowly, one-by-one, I had a group of about 8 kids on baby-holding duty. These new moms were so overjoyed, they and their husbands were both so actively in our corner that now chastising us was untenable. Now we had bargaining power. So the Bishopric approached us, confused beyond confused and uncomfortable beyond uncomfortable, and said,

“What’s it gonna take to get you back to class?”

The POWER I possessed in that moment was addictive. By being kind to the women of the ward and ignoring the Mormon de facto Rule of Law of following rules en-masse so the rule breakers feel left out, there were now so many people breaking ranks that we had effectively enacted a church boy labor strike. And they crumbled so fast it was almost like we had swayed God himself to our cause.

“I want brother assholedad gone. He sucks at teaching.”

I didn’t even have to say it. One of my rebels said it for me. I just nodded sagely and said “Yes, his class is not edifying. It’s better to not go and hold babies.”

And just like that, with a snap of my limp-wristed, Christ-wounding, bottom-brained fingers my faggot will was enacted. God’s revelation that brother shitdad was his chosen Sunday school teacher flipped on a dime. Suddenly brother shitdad was asked to be an usher and the fun dad of another one of my crushes was called in to teach us. I still stayed to hold babies a lot, but the rest of the class returned and all was well again.

Although I didn’t recognize it then, I think that was a formative moment for me in a lot of ways. I learned that being really persistently annoying will get me what I want from authority eventually. I learned that God’s will can be swayed by going in strike. I learned that ignoring men’s made up authority forces them to level with you as a person. I learned that caring for women, especially vulnerable women, can make a whole world happier. I learned that letting women rest can help them feel more love for the things that matter in their life. I learned that social bonds make everyone stronger and happier. And I learned that loving others in a gay way can change the world.

Be gayer. Read Terry Pratchett. I love y’all 💕

Hello! Help me earn a living so I can quit my current job and find a new one!

All payment through PayPal 🩷🩷🩷

More of my work under the cut, and all reblogs will be met with a (consensual) kiss