now playing ; who's number one by lil’ kim…
this ask makes me want to shift here again but i'm in the scriptmaster trenches with my hr. either way, I've made sense of my shift journal, since my memory can be ass. enjoy. :)
⊹ 🛍️ TREAT YOURSELF — ✶ what’s the coolest thing you own in your DR that you don’t have in your CR?
✶ a pink diamond encrusted tooth ring, shaped like a jaguar's head and snuggly capped over my right incisor. 24k carat rose gold. what? for good luck. it's small but luxurious, and custom-made; mr. ego's design. between the teeth of the jaguar is a slightly larger fire opal cut in a perfect teardrop to show off the deep, almost magical hues it features. it even has the date i left the organization on it; which i think is his fucked up way of mocking me, as if to say that i will always come back, even when i swear i'm done with the place.
i don’t trust him, only people with 0 common sense or a tragic case of sadomasochism trust him! but...i do like trinkets and money, and he knows that. ego jinpachi has a way of worming his way into your mind. it’s a calculated trust, born from years of shady exchanges, and i suppose, a weird parenting style. he's a better father to me than my actual father there.
✶ centurion black card. honestly i don't care about the card; i care about the experiences i can access with it, also the exclusivity. i mean, they don't just give these out to anyone. with a swipe of this pretty little card, i get into exclusive art auctions with the most eccentric, and utterly conflated collectors and creators. priceless paintings mixed with rare taxidermy, porcelain dolls that were once part of a haunted exhibit, and freaky sculptures made from excavate human bones (don’t ask, but not every skeleton beneath a church is considered a relic).
my favorite item so far has to be a mid qing-dynasty cherub made entirely out of red jade, and so intricately carved that it refracts sunlight like stained glass would. i usually flip the pieces for profit and then give back to vetted charities—but this, and my renovated cessna 172, I'm keeping. it goes so good with my decor and megs thinks it's nutty as ever.
✶ next would have to be my silk brocade furisode, hand painted and hand stitched. the story behind this is actually so wholesome. following one of my worst matches to date, i went into full recluse mode in my kyoto apartment, my only company being buckets of ice cream and call of duty to shield me from the unrelenting summer heat.
can you imagine my face when i opened the door? two burly, tattooed, hard-looking guys, bowing at my doorstep. honestly, i was pissed. i’d just been in the middle of a week-long pity party, and then these guys showed up uninvited, with no warning. it felt intrusive, but there was also something strangely intriguing about it? turns out, their boss—old-school, high-ranking yakuza—didn’t care that i was a foreigner. he’d seen me play, and that’s all that mattered. so what does he do? he sends me this immaculate beauty, dyed a perfect mauve with midnight blues, beaded with lighter crystals like snow. I'd received gifts from fans before but this was just pure joy to me, not even meguru's gifts are this wonderful.
they kindly explained the reason behind the designs—being that I was born in december (in that reality), it's traditional to gift items, or even receive tattoos that suit you without being flashy. one way to do this is to gift things based on seasonal associations. it was done in beaded kōri patterns, cranes by a river, depicted in flight with their wings soaring wide over a snowy landscape. last were the plum blossoms in shades of deep mauve, ivory, and soft pink.
⊹ ⏳ TIMELESS WONDER — ✶ how does time work in your DR?
✶ time runs on ego, duh. joking… sort of. there's no written time conversion here, but my preference is [1/hr cr = 1/day dr] or [1/hr cr = 1/month dr]. i've shifted here twice, and time seems to be the latter, if not a little intensified? when i’m deep in something, time drags on, every moment feels cinematic and personal. but when i’m in control, or better yet, when the activity is boring or unnoteworthy, it compresses. i’ve had moments where a game stretched for hours, and other times, hours go by in a blink.
⊹ 🕊️ SOULMATE THEORY — ✶ do you believe you have a soulmate in your DR? have you met them yet?
✶ no. well… maybe, i believe in soulmates, but when in this reality the whole concept is just ridiculous to me. it pisses me off (there) because meguru definitely has soulmate energy for such a random encounter. it wasn't really planned, i felt a slight ‘what-if’ there and scripted a fairly neutral past with him, nothing else. going there and experiencing him without any scripted preferences is what sold me all the way. it's genuinely so respectable how he goes after whatever he wants, you really wanna cheer him on when you see him because I've never seen someone so unassuming yet so utterly devoid of giving a shit.
i know i care for him a lot, but we're not dating, because the world of football, especially blue lock, is messy. he drives me insane too because i can see myself spending a lifetime with this selfish glorified soaked cat. he makes me feel things I don’t want to feel, but I refuse to imagine a world without him in it.
so…one thing led to another.
i think the moment i realized i’d met my match, was after a game? this was some time after the first time we hooked up. i remember thinking it's just a thing between athletes. it's all cortisol, adrenaline, oxytocin and ego. it happens !
speaking of. ego was working me like a dog to hype up the clubs that would eventually flock to rent my tenure. i was bruised, bleeding in places i actually made sure to guard, still buzzing on adrenaline. he ignored me at first, then came back, picked me up, piggybacked me to some hole-in-the-wall ramen joint. forced me onto a stool. ordered for me like he knew exactly what i needed.
when the food came, he didn’t say anything. just nudged the bowl toward me and stole my chopsticks when i didn’t move fast enough. i watched him eat, hair stuck to his forehead, sweat drying on his skin. i'd be mad if he didn't start blowing on the noodles to feed me. really, if that's not love, then what is?
he's frustrating, though, trust. not like seishiro, but his energy can be a lot to deal with when he's in mania. i can feel it, that i'll only love him with more of my soul going forward, but not in words, if that makes sense. i push him to his limits, i play harder when he’s watching, i let him see me at my ugliest, sometimes, because he's never once turned away when i needed him. i want to do the same for him.
⊹ 🎢 ADRENALINE RUSH — ✶ what is the most thrilling experience you’ve had in your DR?
the most thrilling experience… hard to say. my life is crazy, my friends, rivals, circles are all unhinged and unapologetic. i'd have to say it was a game. my team was getting mauled 2-5. on the edge of collapse, with everything slipping away. we were done. most of the team had already thrown in the towel. the crowd already counted us out.
i remember standing there, hands on my hips, feeling that crushing reality. that knife’s edge between breaking apart and becoming something unrecognizable. the enemy’s defense was more than solid. a glance at their keeper told me everything—she was already celebrating mode. i think it triggered something from my childhood there, growing up poor with a wealthy father who wanted nothing to do with me unless i was on a plane to j'burg to show off like a charity case? always being the vulnerable one, on the outside looking in, never the winner, always the consoled.
and then something inside me snapped. something ugly, something glorious. i remember thinking, ‘fuck that, fuck losing, fuck the rules, fuck being anything less than number one.’
my heartbeat became the only thing i could hear, its rhythm matching the countdown in my head. there was this slow, hot flood of arrogance, my body was liquid fire, pushing so hard that my hairs stood on edge. the state i was in didn't feel human. it felt more like touching something primal and untouchable! every muscle in my legs abd core ached while i dribbled the ball, it was like my steps weren't registering as tunnel vision towards the goal took over.
i swear the night opened up, offering every possibility, every outcome, every breath before it happened.
i could hear the opposite team calling to each other in german, maybe desperate, or panicked, judging by their faces. i don't think i realized this was ego until my girl, nia, made the final goal that matched us 5-5.
if i had more time, would i have done anything differently? no. that moment was particularly perfect, reaching into a bottomless well of rage and genius and sheer will—it ended in a tie but it was worth more than any win. i crashed like a fly after that, honestly.
