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Napoleon 2023
We watched the non-director's cut. A lot of people clowned on this because of its utter historical inaccuracy but, c'mon, it's Ridley Scott. It's not a biopic and looking at it through that lens seems disingenuous.
It's a weirdly very funny story about how the people that most desire power and influence most often are the least competent and least deserving of it. Authoritarian leaders are often not authoritative, and it plays off the idolized figure's slip decently well. Napoleon…
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Captain America: Brave New World 2025
Remember when Captain America was about realizing every aspect of the free world is incredibly fragile and taking them for granted would inevitably lead to fascist agents embedding in and subverting them?
Marvel has conveniently become so fucking bad at American propaganda that they made a movie about a dude having daughter issues with F-18s and Navy SEALs as set dressing. This movie is about nothing.
I hope Anthony Mackie runs as far as he can away from Disney. Giancarlo…
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Raiders of the Lost Ark 1981
First time I ever watched this was when I was like 8 and I have no recollection of it.
I love movies that are objectively stupid but played off earnestly. Yeah, of course the U-boat travelled to that island without submerging once. Yeah, of course you can train a monkey to spy for you. Yeah, of course the Hebrew god is real and really likes to send phantoms to melt Nazi skin. Yeah, of course 20 different species of snake…
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Monster High: Why Do Ghouls Fall in Love? 2012
A movie that somehow has racist caricatures of Russians AND zombies.
Best villain ever: fake-southern-accent-small-town-lawyer-heart-stealing-fake-vampire-twink that wears Matrix shades to x-ray vision women.
Every girl is a lesbian and every guy looks like Jay Leno
I can't believe I'm letterboxing this and hope this won't detail my future presidential campaign.
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