Me 3/4s into the film: "Wow not once during this film have I wanted to check the time, the plot is fun, visuals gorgeous, music great, acting all brilliant and incredibly entertaining characters. Easily deserves an 8/10 but it's just missing that extra little bit of magic that would-"
Michael Fassbender: "would you please relax your sphincter muscles?"
Me: 9/10.
Saw the very mixed reviews on this but also that it was based on work by Patricia High Smith so decided to give it a go. Loved the first 25 minutes, great set up of characters and what seemed like would be a great plot, but then the film just started to crawl forward from that point on. I stopped watching at around the 50 minute mark feeling like nothing much was happening at all.
This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.
Didn't realise the 'Queer' in the title was the derogatory kind.
I know I've said the Northman and Long legs are the worst films I've ever seen.
I would like to apologize to them both.
I'm not sure where to start so I'm gonna list the things I did to keep myself entertained during the cinema screening.
1. Admire the beautiful color of the fentimans cherry cola that I brought to the screening. It's beautiful dark red against the light…
Maybe the worst film I've ever seen, perhaps only saved from that spot by being 1 hour 40 instead of two or more.
I was checking the time 40 minutes in, not leaving only because I wouldn't be getting picked up till the film ended.
At an hour in I started thinking what rating I'd give the film, at first I was thinking maybe a 3/10 but then a thought crossed my mind, "if one of my close friends had…
