Product Advertised: "Beyond your expectations. Beyond cinema. Beyond your whole anus. Lies the ultimate journey into adventure. THE HOLY MOUNTAIN."
Product delivered: YUP.
I have never, in my whole goddamn life seen a movie where I had no idea what the fuck was going on in every single frame.
Every single frame of this movie.
NO CLUE. WHATSOEVER.
I was sitting there like that monkey throwing bones at the black rectangle in 2001.
Just screeching and tossing feces.
That was…
This is by far, the stupidest movie I have ever seen in my life.
I loved every minute of it.
This is what I want from movies like The Meg and Jurassic World 2.
A stupid movie was advertised.
I ordered a stupid movie.
I got the dumbest movie of all time.
Now this is five-star Soapland treatment. Fun times.
The best movie I have ever seen. I so regret not seeing this in a theater. I thought it would…
What this movie promises: MADNESS.
What this movie delivers: HOLY SHIT.
Elephants puking blood, mime children haunting emotionally scarred little boys who saw their mom get diced and sliced by their circus Dad. Developmentally challenged kids doing cocaine and dance sequences with prostitutes. This one's gotta em all. I've seen some freaking weird movies in my long and sorted history. I sat through Post Tenebras Lux. I've seen the weird shit.
All of that arthouse strangeness is like pretenders to…
You know a movie is arthouse when the peeps who love it can't tell you why they love it.
This film has a lot of people who hate it. And people who love it.
And then there's total morons like me.
Who hear about it through the grape vine, watch it and say:
"Qué?!"
I know I've said this before but I'm an idiot. I'm a stunt man. I let people punch me in the head for fun and art.…
