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Nosferatu 2024
It's like a parody of Nosferatu by someone who makes b-rated costume dramas for a living and I think they didn't tell Lily-Rose Depp that it wasn't the rehearsal anymore.
The whole thing left me sitting there, wondering why I would ever pay money to see the film, but I haven't so that's fucking ace.
Nosferatu wanked off to some soft-core pornographic hairpieces and out came a very forgettable splurge of:
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Speak No Evil 2022
This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.
"Why did you do this to us?" "Because you let me."
This quote from the movie perfectly describes the whole plot so SPOILER ALERT.
Louise and Bjørn are the worst parents imaginable so I'm glad Agnes got new ones. It's a shame they had to immediately go Euron Greyjoy on her and mutilate her face though.
Why in the Fresh Prince of Hell Air didn't Bjørn retaliate when he had the immense opportunity to stab both Karin and Patrick with…
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Poor Things 2023
It's a high budget snuff film that's weird, just for being weird. No rhyme or reason to the abstract epicentre that formed itself to be a Poor Thing indeed. No one seems to know how to act (except for Kathryn Hunter whom I adore to bits) or keep an accent. The CGI was horrible, to say the least, but the set and costume design were nice. However, this is only like polish on a big dung pile in the bigger…
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