CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

Introduction
Websters Dictionary defines conflict as a battle, contest of opposing forces, discord, antagonism
existing between primitive desires, instincts and moral, religious, or ethical ideals. Conflict occurs
when two or more people or organizations disagree because their needs, wants, goals, or values are
different. Hurt feelings, anger, bruised egos, and poor communication are all the precursors to
conflict. However, conflict is NOT the end of the world, or your team or group. Some tools have
been developed that will help us all recognize conflict and deal with it so that our group or team can
move on, stronger than before.
Lesson Objectives
By the end of the lesson a learner should be able to:
1. Discuss red flags of conflict
2. Talk about why conflict can be both positive and negative
3. Discuss conflict management styles
4. Talk about the ways that individuals analyze conflict
5. Discuss ways that an individual can positive deal with difficult people while managing
conflict.
Lesson Content
Most all of us have been in a conflict at some point in our lives. But did we know that conflict was
coming? Could we have seen it, and headed it off at the pass? The National School Board
Association has developed a Toolkit for Educational Leadership
(http://www.nsba.org/sbot/toolkit/Conflict.html) that talks about conflict and what might be some
red flags to look out for.

Red Flags of Conflict

Body language
Disagreements, regardless of issue
Withholding bad news
Surprises
Strong public statements
Airing disagreements through media
Conflicts in value systems
Desire for power
Increasing lack of support
Open disagreement
Lack of candor on budget problems or other sensitive issues
Lack of clear goals
No discussion of progress, failed goals, and inability to evaluate leaders fairly, thoroughly, or at
all.

Many people think of conflict as negative. But conflict can be both negative AND positive. The
National School Board Association in their Toolkit for Educational Leadership
(http://www.nsba.org/sbot/toolkit/Conflict.html) tells us that . . .

Conflict is negative when it

Takes attention away from other activities
Damages the spirit of the team or an individual
Divides people and groups, and makes cooperation difficult
Makes people or group focus on their differences
Leads to harmful behavior, like fighting or name-calling

But it can be positive or constructive when it

Clears up important problems or issues
Brings about solutions to problems
Gets everyone involved in solving issues
Causes real communication
Release emotion, anxiety, and stress in a positive way
Helps people learn more about each other and cooperate
Develops understanding and skills
While the definition of conflict and our feelings about it tend to be negative, conflict itself does
not need to be negative! How we manage our conflict can sway the outcome, our feelings about the
way it was handled, and the people involved conflict.
What is CONFLICT MANAGEMENT?
Conflict management is what were doing when we identify and deal with conflict in a reasonable
manner. To manage conflict the United States Department of Agriculture
(http://www.usda.gov/cprc/understand.htm) says we must develop and use skills like effective
communication, problem solving, and negotiating. When we resolve issues, we need to focus on the
things we need or desire as a group, and not things needed or wanted by individuals. This promotes
working with each other instead of against each other. There are some proven strategies that you
can use to help resolve conflicts within your groups. The Ohio Commission on Dispute Resolution and
Conflict Management (http://disputeresolution.ohio.gov/schools/contentpages/styles.htm)
describes five popular styles.

Style 1- Collaborating
o Why should I collaborate?: Cooperation will help everyone achieve their goals and
keep relationships healthy.
o A Collaborators Attitude: Talking through the conflict will help us find creative
ways to solve our problems where everyone is satisfied in the end.
o When should I collaborate?:
Everyone trust each other
No one wants total decision or resolution power
Everyone needs to have a part in the decision
Everyone involved will change their thinking as more information is available
People need to work through personal hurts and disappointments
o When should I choose another method?:

When you need a resolution that wont take a lot of time and money
When some may take advantage of others trust

STYLE 2-COMPROMISING
o Why should I compromise?: Winning something while losing a little is sometimes
okay.
o A Compromisers Attitude: We should all meet halfway to do what is best for the
group and each of us can still get part of what we want.
o When should I compromise?:
No one at the table has more position or power than anyone else and everyone is
equally committed to the groups goals.
Time can be saved by agreeing on a situation that works for everyone for now
Achieving all of your goals are only somewhat important
o When should I choose another method?:
Things that are important to you may be lost in the fray
Someones demands are too great for the rest of the table

STYLE 3-ACCOMODATING
o Why should I accommodate?: Our commonalities are more important than other
issues and facing differences may hurt relationships.
o An accommodators attitude: I will please others by playing down how important
the issue or conflict is in order to protect relationships.
o When should I accommodate?:
Issues not as important to you as it is to others
You know you cant win
Everyone agreeing is the most important thing
The things people have in common are more important than their differences
o When should I choose another method?:
Some ideas dont get attention
Credibility and influence can be lost

STYLE 4-COMPETING
o Why should I compete?: Resolving a conflict is associated with competition and
winning.
o A competitors attitude: I must use all of my power to win the conflict.
o When should I compete?:
You know youre right
A quick decision is necessary
Strong personalities are overshadowing other people
Defending your rights or position
o When should I choose another method?:
Can make conflict worse
Those on the losing end may attempt to get back at the winners

STYLE 5-AVOIDING
o Why should I avoid?: Not the right time or place to address this issue.

o
o

An avoiders attitude: I avoid conflict by leaving, avoid, or putting off discussions.

When should I avoid?:
Conflict is small and the future of a relationships is at stake
There is no time to devote to conflict resolution
Other issues are more important than the conflict
There is no chance of getting your concerns heard
One party is too emotionally involved and others can better resolve the
conflict
More information is needed
When should I choose another method?:
Decisions may be made by default
Putting off or avoiding issues may make matters worse

Dealing with People While Managing Conflict

Some people arent willing to admit that they may not be the best at conflict management, but that
doesnt mean that they arent sometimes involved in the management process. You cant change the
way that people behave or approach conflict, but you can arm yourself with some tools to help you
successfully navigate conflict when not everyone is on the same page. Don Wallace and Scott
McMurry talk about some of those tools using Robert Bramsons book Coping with Difficult People in
an article titled How to Disagree without Being Disagreeable in the November 1995 issue of Fast
Company Magazine (http://pf.fastcompany.com/online/01/disagree.html).

Sherman Tanks- These intimidators get in your face to argue and state opinions as facts.
1. Get their attention by using their first name to begin a sentence.
2. Maintain eye contact; give them time to wind down.
3. Stand up to them without fighting; dont worry about being polite.
4. Suggest you sit down to continue discussions.

Snipers- These individuals take potshots in meetings but avoid one-on-one confrontations.
1. Expose the attack; draw them out in public and dont let social convention stop you.
2. Get other opinions--dont give in to the snipers views.
3. Provide the sniper with alternatives to a direct contest.

Chronic Complainers- These people find faults with everyone-except themselves.

1. Politely interrupt and get control of the situation.
2. Quickly sum up the facts.
3. Ask for their complaints in writing.

Negativists- These individuals know that nothing new will work; theyll disrupt group
brainstorming sessions.
1. Acknowledge their valid points.
2. Describe past successes.
3. Avoid youre wrong, Im right arguments.

Exploders- These individuals throw tantrums that quickly escalate.

1. Give them time to regain self control.

2. If they dont, shout a neutral phrase such as STOP!

3. Take a time-out or have a private meeting with them.
Steps to Analyzing Conflict
How can you manage conflict and disagreements in ways that strengthen instead of damage personal
and professional relationships? These five steps from the Watershed information Network at
Purdue University (http://www.ctic.purdue.edu/KYW/Brochures/ManageConflict.html ) could help
you out

STEP 1: ANALYZE THE CONFLICT

Dont be afraid to ask questions of everyone involved. Take in answers from a variety of
sources, and gain as much information as you can.

STEP 2: DETERMINE YOUR MANAGEMENT STRATEGY

When you understand the basis of the conflict and everyone involved, you will need to develop a
plan to manage the conflict. There are many plans to choose from, so you can pick the one that
is most appropriate for your situation.

STEP 3: PRE-NEGOTIATION
Steps must be taken for discussion to begin. This to think about include:

Someone has to start the conversation! If neither party is willing to do so, bring in
an outsider who will remain neutral to begin discussions.

Everyone must be ready to come to the table, to work together, and resolve the
issues.

The group must agree on rules for the discussion. Some ideas of things to include
are: ways well communicate and how well make the final decision.

BE ORGANIZED! Location, time, place and materials must all be in order for conflict
management to work.

Everyone at the table must agree on what information is put on the table, relevant
to the conflict, and how the group will get answers to questions.

STEP 4: NEGOTIATION
Negotiations should be discussions that include:
Reasons, needs, concerns and motivations for differing positions
Current options
Evaluation of all the current options
Written agreement that documents what everyone understands
Everyone must be confident that all parties will follow through with their parts of
the agreement. Make sure everyone is on the same page and understands the
expectations.

STEP 5: POST-NEGOTIATION
Once negotiation is complete, the group should take the actions they decided upon.
Individuals should get support from outside parties who may have been involved in
some way. Outsiders must be on board with the terms of the agreements reached
during Step 4.

Communication and working together should continue throughout this process.

Reflection

Identify a time when youve been in a conflict. How did you behave? Did you escalate or deescalate the situation? If you could replay the situation, what would you do differently?

Identify times when you have behaved like one of the conflict problem people listed in the
brochure. How can we keep ourselves in check so that we dont repeat past mistakes?

How can you implement the strategies contained in this lesson in your club or group?
Resources

National School Board Association. Toolkit for Educational Leadership. Retrieved electronically
from http://www.nsba.org/sbot/toolkit/Conflict.html on October 5, 2003.
Ohio Commission on Dispute Resolution and Conflict Management. Choosing a Conflict Management

Style. Retrieved electronically from

http://disputeresolution.ohio.gov/schools/contentpages/styles.htm on October 5, 2003.

United States Department of Agriculture. Understanding conflict management and ADR. Retrieved
electronically from http://www.usda.gov/cprc/understand.htm on October 5, 2003.
Wallace, D. & McMurry S. (1995) How to Disagree without Being Disagreeable . Fast Company
Magazine . Retrieved electronically from http://pf.fastcompany.com/online/01/disagree.html on
October 5, 2003.
Watershed Information Network at Purdue University. Managing Conflict. Retrieved electronically
from http://www.ctic.purdue.edu/KYW/Brochures/ManageConflict.html on October 5, 2003.