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[NARRATOR] <i>Currently on </i>Disjointed:

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[MAN ON RADIO] <i>... in
exactly the same way, </i>

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<i>you are never able, really, to examine,</i>

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<i>to make an object of your own mind.</i>

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<i>Just as you can't look directly</i>

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<i>into your own eyes or
bite your own teeth.</i>

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<i>Because you are that.</i>

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<i>And if you try to find it... </i>

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[RADIO CLICKS OFF]

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That's what you're wearing?

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What? It's a funeral.
That's what you're wearing?

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It's a pot funeral. People
are gonna think you're a narc.

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Would a narc do this?

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Uh, yeah, with fake weed, Jump Street.

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Well, this shit's not fake.
In fact, it's Jack Heron.

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Seems appropriate on
the day of his funeral.

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Fair enough.

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That make you jealous,

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he's the only pot activist with
his own strain named after him?

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Well, it does, and it does.

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[ENGINE STARTS]

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But he earned it.

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I mean, the man wrote
<i>Hemp, Hemp, Hooray!</i>

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For us stoners, that book was the Bible.

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'Cause we all owned it,
but we never read it.

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And what a big heart.
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True story.

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- We once got busted in Big Sur,
- And he bailed you out before himself.

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and he bailed me out before himself.

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- Do they make them like that anymore?
- They don't make them like that anymore.

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Jack, me, Scooter Boots, Captain
Fred, and Saul "The Muskrat" Fishkin.

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The Mount Rushmore of
people who got arrested

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trying to get high at
Mount Rushmore. [CHUCKLES]

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Why were you protesting
at Mount Rushmore?

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Oh, we weren't protesting.
That's where our van broke down.

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And what the fuck else is
there to do in South Dakota?

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[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

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Behold the spirit of the '60s.

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Yep, in its 70s.
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Narc. Narc!

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Ruth.

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Goddess of the Green.

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Scooter Boots. Pope of the Dope.

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- Oh, yeah.
- [LAUGHS]

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- Buddy, it's been too long.
- Yeah.

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You still living in that
nice place up in Mendocino?

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Well, actually, it's a storage unit.

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But my roommates are pretty cool.

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[BOTH LAUGH]

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I heard you're gay now?

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Yep, yep, yep. Well, you...
Well, I always have been.

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But my mom just passed away, so...

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Whee! [CHUCKLES]

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- How you doing, Travis?
- Hey, Scooter.

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- Oh, my God, you're all grown up.
- Well...

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I remember the day you were born.

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We all gathered around
the tub and I says:

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"Somebody ought to keep an
eye on that umbilical cord

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or it'll strangle that kid."

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[LAUGHING]

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- [CHUCKLES] Well, thank you.
- Mm.

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- It was good to see you.
- Yeah, well, it's good to see you, too.

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Hey, did I tell you he
went to business school?

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Oh, Ruth, I am so sorry.

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- It's so weird.
- What's that?

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Ever since we cleaned the water tank,

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the plants have been growing like crazy.

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You mean like weeds? 'Cause
that's what weeds do, they grow.

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Like kittens, puppies and cancer.

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No, this is different.

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It's almost like somebody
put something in the water

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that's making the plants overachieve.

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Like they're trying to please me

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out of some combination
of love and fear.

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[JENNY IN MANDARIN] <i>Is it
possible? My mother was right!</i>

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<i>Her tea is turning the plants
into more upstanding plants!</i>

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<i>Wait: Does that mean all these years</i>

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<i>the tea's been making me a better me?</i>

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<i>Who got straight "A's"?
Me or the pigs' testicles?</i>

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[IN ENGLISH] Hey,
everybody, a little heads-up.

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[IN MANDARIN] <i>We'll think about this later.</i>

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[IN ENGLISH] As you know, Ruth and
Travis went to the Heron funeral,

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so she left me in charge.

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- Question.
- Yes?

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If for some reason you are
unable to fulfill your duties,

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who is next in the chain of command?

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- Uh, is that really important?
- I'm just saying, if shit goes down,

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I don't wanna find us tits up

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because you don't have
a solid number two.

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[PETE LAUGHING]

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What's so funny?

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He said "solid number two."
94
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[WOMAN] <i>Everyone loves
marijuana butter,</i>

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<i>but who has time to make it?</i>

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<i>All the mixing... </i>

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<i>melting... </i>

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<i>pouring... </i>

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[GIGGLES]

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<i>giggling... </i>

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Hi, I'm paid actress Mary Fakename,
and this is the Bud Butter Buddy,

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the revolutionary invention

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that makes making
marijuana butter more good.

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Look to right.

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With the Bud Butter Buddy, all
you have to do is add butter...

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and cannabis.

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The secret is our O-N button...

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... which activates the machine
using the very electricity

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flowing through the walls of your home.

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[MARY] <i>Then kick back,
light up a joint... </i>

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and forget it for 30 minutes.

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What the... ?

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Fuck. The butter.

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[MARY] <i>The Bud Butter Buddy,</i>

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<i>available at these crappy-ass stores.</i>

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[CHANTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

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[ALL CHANTING]

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Now, just the vegetarians.

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[ALL CHANTING]

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Next, we'll hear from
Susan, Jack's widow.

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- Namaste.
- [ALL] Namaste.

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It was 15 years ago Jack
Heron first came into my life.

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More like onto her chest.

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I was a young college student
with no sense of purpose or self,

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and he was a 60-year-old
activist who had it all,

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a cause, a direction, a wife and kids.

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Hi, Bev.

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So, this is one of your heroes, huh?

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It was a more innocent time.

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Oh, so there was a time when
abandoning your family was innocent?

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There was a small window, yeah.

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That's hilarious.

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I gotta remember that for your eulogy.

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Oh, stop being such a
buzzkill. It's a funeral.
135
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Olivia, is it cool with you if... ?

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You don't have to ask my
permission for anything.

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You can dance naked in
the grow room if you want.

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Oh, I already do that.

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I'm going to Tae Kwon
Douglas' for meditation class.

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Really? We have a boss-free day and
that's how you're gonna waste it?

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He said it's a way to
get high without pot,

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and I thought that might come in
handy if I ever fall down a well again.

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Okay.

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But I'm a little confused. Isn't
Tae Kwon Doug kind of an asshole?

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Normally, yes.

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But if you look deep
into that asshole...

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there's a flower waiting to bloom.

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Okay, well, have fun.

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Wash your hands before you come back.

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Please welcome Jayte Matias,

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who will now celebrate
Jack's life with smoke rings.

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[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

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[MAN] Beautiful.

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That was nice.

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Oh, my God. That is really cool.

156
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Oh, please. That's how
Willie Nelson coughs.

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Carter.

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English for "He who carts."

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Put the cart in front of the
horse of a different Color Me Badd.

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- Oh, God!
- [CHUCKLES]

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- Dank.
- Huh?

162
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- Danks for the memories.
- Oh, shit.

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- Danke Schoen.
- That was good.

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Septic Dank.

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Dank Dynasty.

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Oh, man, what happened to you?

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Yeah, man. You different as hell.

168
00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:03,636
Well, I am different as hell.

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- I recently started...
- Wait, we'll guess.

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00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,073
- Ooh! I love guessing.
- No, no. No.

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00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:09,142
You taking piano lessons
on a little piano.

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[DANK MAKES PIANO SOUNDS]

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- Stop that.
- Okay.

174
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I'll give you a hint.

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Where do I work?

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I feel like you should know that shit.

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- Ding-dong.
- Ah-ah.

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Hold on.

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00:10:29,028 --> 00:10:30,096
Oh!

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00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:33,133
Dank, Dabby, are you guys
familiar with the Volcano Classic?

181
00:10:33,199 --> 00:10:36,703
Oh, yeah. It's great. It comes
with a replaceable air filter.

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- High-performance heat cartridge.
- Robust, completely mechanical design.

183
00:10:40,707 --> 00:10:43,109
Power air pump and silencer
with pressure-relief valve.

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Oh, God!

185
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Vaporization temperature adjustable

186
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between approximately 130 degrees
Celsius and 230 degrees Celsius.

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Which is 266 degrees Fahrenheit
and 446 degrees Fahrenheit.

188
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Wow, did you guys memorize the box?

189
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,002
Holy shit, it comes with a box?

190
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[DOUG INHALES]

191
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[DOUG] All right, one
more cleansing breath.

192
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[EXHALES]

193
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Good.

194
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:23,600
Now, just relax and let
yourself slip into the gap

195
00:11:23,601 --> 00:11:24,951
between your thoughts.

196
00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:28,187
What if I only have one thought?

197
00:11:29,789 --> 00:11:31,991
- I don't know, think it twice.
- Okay.

198
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,895
The gap between your
thoughts is the now.

199
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:37,797
Rest in the now.

200
00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:40,833
- Right now?
- Yeah, right now.
201
00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:45,905
Now, this is your home,
the eternal present.

202
00:11:46,472 --> 00:11:49,776
A realm of consciousness
that transcends time and space

203
00:11:49,842 --> 00:11:52,345
where nobody's snuffing
derbs or roping bongs.

204
00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:54,981
- Wow.
- Right?

205
00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:58,318
Do you begin to see now the
levels of spiritual enlightenment

206
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:00,486
that you can achieve without marijuana?

207
00:12:00,753 --> 00:12:02,088
I do.

208
00:12:02,755 --> 00:12:05,892
It's funny, I thought Tae Kwon
Do would have more kicking.

209
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:07,460
Well, it does.

210
00:12:07,927 --> 00:12:11,397
But you're about to learn that
the most powerful leg is the mind.

211
00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:14,834
Thank you, Tae Kwon Douglas.

212
00:12:15,802 --> 00:12:16,836
You're most welcome.

213
00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:21,007
Your journey of
self-discovery has begun.

214
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,242
Hey, that reminds me,

215
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,412
we're all gonna get high and
see a Journey cover band tonight.

216
00:12:26,846 --> 00:12:28,014
You wanna come?

217
00:12:29,816 --> 00:12:31,484
I can leave you a ticket at will call.

218
00:12:39,892 --> 00:12:42,195
- Hey, everybody.
- [ALL] Hey.

219
00:12:42,261 --> 00:12:43,930
So, my dad.

220
00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:45,865
He loved pot.

221
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,367
- Oh, yeah.
- We all do.

222
00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:50,000
I used to joke that he considered

223
00:12:50,001 --> 00:12:52,271
the Jack Heron strain
his favorite child.

224
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And why wouldn't he?

225
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It didn't get its feelings hurt

226
00:12:56,861 --> 00:12:58,945
when he forgot to
come home for Hanukkah.
227
00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:02,315
Or 1997.

228
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:05,284
So, this...

229
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:09,222
- This is his true legacy.
- [ALL] Yeah.

230
00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:10,790
- [MAN 1] Yeah, it is.
- [MAN 2] Yeah.

231
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:15,161
[SAM] My father was born in 1941
in Great Plains, New York City...

232
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:17,597
So...

233
00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:19,966
my mom.

234
00:13:21,934 --> 00:13:23,002
She loved pot.

235
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Yeah!

236
00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:28,207
- Yeah.
- My mother loved pot so much it hurt...

237
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:30,376
me.

238
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:35,948
Uh, when she showed up to
my first-grade piano recital,

239
00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:37,050
she was so high.

240
00:13:37,116 --> 00:13:39,052
[ALL] How high was she?

241
00:13:39,118 --> 00:13:42,288
She was so high, it was
commented on by all the parents

242
00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:44,557
and led to me being
mocked by my classmates.

243
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,526
[ALL LAUGH]

244
00:13:46,592 --> 00:13:49,896
For a total of four and a
half years of my childhood,

245
00:13:49,962 --> 00:13:51,597
my mother was so incarcerated.

246
00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:54,267
[ALL] How incarcerated was she?

247
00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:56,502
Ooh, she was so incarcerated,

248
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,947
I had a great time living with my father

249
00:13:58,948 --> 00:14:00,973
and she's been resentful ever since.

250
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:05,311
This guy's saying what
we're all thinking. [LAUGHS]

251
00:14:06,412 --> 00:14:09,182
Yeah, and when I
graduated business school

252
00:14:09,248 --> 00:14:12,051
and volunteered to help run
her floundering business,

253
00:14:12,118 --> 00:14:14,187
she was so ungrateful.
254
00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:16,022
[ALL] How ungrateful was she?

255
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,591
She was really fucking ungrateful!

256
00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:20,893
[CHUCKLING]

257
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:27,567
But, Mom, I know you always wanted
a strain of pot named after you.

258
00:14:29,235 --> 00:14:31,971
Well, today, your
dream finally came true.

259
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:35,174
So, let other people smoke Jack Heron.

260
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:36,542
Today...

261
00:14:40,079 --> 00:14:42,215
I'm smoking Ruth Whitefeather Feldman.

262
00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:43,483
[ALL] Yeah!

263
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,222
And I don't feel a thing.

264
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:53,960
[SAM] Ah, my dad.

265
00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:56,095
So, this...

266
00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:59,198
This is his true legacy.

267
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:07,306
[DANK & DABBY CHUCKLING]
268
00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:09,475
Look at it.

269
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:13,079
It's like a marijuana boner.

270
00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:15,581
- Oh!
- Oh...

271
00:15:16,182 --> 00:15:18,918
- Yeah, it almost came on us.
- [CHUCKLES]

272
00:15:20,319 --> 00:15:22,422
Seems like an awful lot
of work just to get high.

273
00:15:22,955 --> 00:15:24,601
Yeah, but then when you do get high,

274
00:15:24,602 --> 00:15:26,392
there's a real sense of achievement.

275
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:29,929
What? I'm Asian.

276
00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:33,533
Now I see why they call it a volcano.

277
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:37,036
'Cause it has a triangular base
and smoke comes out the top.

278
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:40,540
Wow. [LAUGHS]

279
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:46,145
Man, I'm like the mayonnaise in
a pumpernickel genius sandwich.

280
00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:51,050
That sandwich is
open-faced, motherfucker!

281
00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:57,056
- It's okay.
- Okay.

282
00:16:02,228 --> 00:16:04,230
["FUNKIFY YOUR LIFE" PLAYING]

283
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:07,400
♪ <i>Funkify your life</i> ♪

284
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:08,734
♪ <i>Get on down</i> ♪

285
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,573
♪ <i>You could be the funkiest one</i> ♪

286
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,007
♪ <i>In town</i> ♪

287
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,479
♪ <i>Funkify your life</i> ♪

288
00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:21,013
♪ <i>Get on down</i> ♪

289
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,651
♪ <i>You could be the funkiest one</i> ♪

290
00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:26,986
♪ <i>In town</i> ♪

291
00:16:30,056 --> 00:16:33,125
♪ <i>I got to funk out to T</i> ♪

292
00:16:36,062 --> 00:16:39,165
<i>♪ Ain't nobody gotta out for me ♪</i>

293
00:16:42,201 --> 00:16:44,437
Wow. Look who's back.

294
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:45,738
How was your meditation?

295
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,340
It was really cool.
296
00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:51,511
And now I understand that you
can get high without drugs.

297
00:16:52,522 --> 00:16:53,523
Sweet. Want a hit?

298
00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:54,614
- Yes, please.
- [DANK] Yep.

299
00:16:57,383 --> 00:16:59,151
[DABBY] <i>What's up, YouTube?</i>

300
00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:01,153
<i>You're watching Dank and Dabby.</i>

301
00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:02,622
[DANK] <i>Or are you?</i>

302
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,190
[BOTH SCREAM]

303
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:05,458
<i>Yeah, you are!</i>

304
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,393
<i>- It was us the whole time!</i>
<i>- Oh, man.</i>

305
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:12,064
Today we're on location in the grow
room of Ruth's Alternative Caring.

306
00:17:12,131 --> 00:17:14,534
I bet you're wondering what's
up with this green light.

307
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,102
Which brings us to our guest.

308
00:17:16,168 --> 00:17:20,206
He's a highly skilled marijuana
grower and he looks like white Jesus.
309
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:25,711
His last movie is due
back at Redbox this week.

310
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:29,215
Please give a warm Dank
and Dabby welcome to Pete.

311
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:32,852
Hey, guys.

312
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:36,122
- Hey, Pete. Thanks for joining us.
- No, it's my pleasure.

313
00:17:36,188 --> 00:17:38,791
I'm not ribbed for your pleasure.
What's up with this light?

314
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:42,828
Well, at this stage in the growth cycle,

315
00:17:43,095 --> 00:17:45,798
cannabis plants need to be
kept in darkness for 12 hours.

316
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,167
Twelve hours asleep, twelve hours awake.

317
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:51,203
Yeah, that seems like a
lot of time to be awake.

318
00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:56,776
Uh, anyway, what we do
come harvest time is...

319
00:17:56,842 --> 00:18:00,746
Okay, let's cut the bullshit, Pete.
When can we smoke these bad boys?

320
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:02,848
Actually, they're ladies.

321
00:18:03,115 --> 00:18:05,818
And these are the babies. They're
gonna need a few more months.

322
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,454
Months? That's your story?

323
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:11,591
Oh, people like you make me wanna puke.

324
00:18:11,657 --> 00:18:13,092
Okay. Okay.

325
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:14,727
Calm down, Dabs.

326
00:18:14,730 --> 00:18:15,731
I'm sorry, man.

327
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,493
Sometimes she becomes the Hulk

328
00:18:17,494 --> 00:18:19,432
when she has a lot of
green lights around.

329
00:18:19,732 --> 00:18:23,135
I... I... I didn't mean
to cause any trouble.

330
00:18:23,202 --> 00:18:25,137
Oh, bullshit!

331
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,472
[YELLS]

332
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,641
Dabby smash!

333
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:31,310
- All right! All right! All right!
- Dabby smash!

334
00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:32,411
All right!

335
00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:40,152
Well, hi, everybody.

336
00:18:40,219 --> 00:18:41,454
- [ALL] Hi.
- [MAN] Hey.

337
00:18:42,154 --> 00:18:43,155
Um...

338
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:46,792
Hi, Jack.

339
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,262
Buddy, man, it's...

340
00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:54,233
It's hard to believe I'm...
I'm saying goodbye to you.

341
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:58,537
You were... a fighter, you know?

342
00:18:58,604 --> 00:19:00,573
You were a poet, and you were...

343
00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:04,410
a lover, to many.

344
00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:06,212
Including myself.

345
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:07,546
Hi, Bev.

346
00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:13,185
Hey, don't worry, it
was before your time.

347
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:18,224
I mean, everybody was fucking everybody.

348
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,193
True that. Hey, Bev.

349
00:19:24,230 --> 00:19:26,399
Those were the days. [CHUCKLES]

350
00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:29,502
You know, when it came
to the cause, Jack was...

351
00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:32,738
Was warm and generous, and,
most of all, he was passionate.

352
00:19:34,306 --> 00:19:36,876
I mean, Jack dedicated
his life to this plant.

353
00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:40,913
Adam...

354
00:19:42,581 --> 00:19:45,418
I know it sounds harsh
when you put it like that...

355
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,806
but your father understood that cannabis

356
00:19:48,807 --> 00:19:51,457
was about more than just getting high.

357
00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:55,861
I mean, he truly believed
that it could change the world.

358
00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:57,763
And we would change the world.

359
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:02,535
He knew in his bones that it
was about helping people...

360
00:20:03,969 --> 00:20:05,504
improving their lives.

361
00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:09,675
And I want you to understand that's
what he dedicated his life to.

362
00:20:10,976 --> 00:20:13,813
And he knew. He knew it
was bigger than himself.

363
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:16,515
Because it's bigger than all of us.

364
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,618
You gotta always remember that...

365
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:24,790
that dedication affects
other things in your life,

366
00:20:25,424 --> 00:20:26,926
the same size as you,

367
00:20:27,626 --> 00:20:28,694
or...

368
00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:33,566
smaller than you.

369
00:20:40,606 --> 00:20:45,377
So, come on, let's all
honor Jack's memory. Right?

370
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:48,848
Now, we gotta follow his
example. We gotta keep fighting.

371
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:50,416
We gotta keep educating.

372
00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:53,352
We gotta keep working, but
most of all, we gotta...

373
00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:56,422
We gotta keep loving one another.

374
00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:58,324
- [WOMAN] Yes.
- [RUTH] Okay?

375
00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:01,327
Yeah, keep loving each other. Peace out.
376
00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:05,431
Thank you.

377
00:21:06,565 --> 00:21:07,600
[MAN] We love you.

378
00:21:11,303 --> 00:21:14,406
Boy, that was an
all-time top-five funeral.

379
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:15,941
It was.

380
00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:18,722
I make fun of your generation,

381
00:21:18,723 --> 00:21:21,347
but you guys really
did make a difference.

382
00:21:22,348 --> 00:21:23,415
Thanks.

383
00:21:23,849 --> 00:21:25,351
That's what we were going for.

384
00:21:28,754 --> 00:21:29,789
You know I love you?

385
00:21:30,723 --> 00:21:32,691
Yeah, Mom. I know.

386
00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:38,363
No.

387
00:21:38,764 --> 00:21:40,332
I love you more than pot.

388
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:47,907
I didn't know that.

389
00:21:48,841 --> 00:21:50,976
- And you were right.
- About what?
390
00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:52,978
When I die, wear a suit.

391
00:22:00,352 --> 00:22:03,789
Hi. I'm Maria Sherman. If you're
a stay-at-home mom like me,

392
00:22:03,856 --> 00:22:06,692
you're ready to burn that home
down with your family in it.

393
00:22:06,759 --> 00:22:11,897
Well, put down that gas can and
use that match for... Donna Weed.

394
00:22:12,431 --> 00:22:14,276
Donna Weed is a high-energy strain

395
00:22:14,277 --> 00:22:16,001
that makes folding
fitted sheets fun again.

396
00:22:16,402 --> 00:22:18,871
For instance, I smoked two
joints of the Donna earlier,

397
00:22:19,071 --> 00:22:22,007
and now, I've done two loads
of laundry, one load of dishes,

398
00:22:22,074 --> 00:22:24,443
Connor's California Mission diorama...

399
00:22:25,644 --> 00:22:27,613
Real bells! [CHUCKLES]

400
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,782
And, please, check out my pantry.

401
00:22:30,482 --> 00:22:31,850
It's fucking beautiful.

402
00:22:32,518 --> 00:22:33,552
It's just gorgeous.
403
00:22:33,619 --> 00:22:36,689
Look, it's so fucking organized!
Look at it! Look at it! Fucking...

404
00:22:37,489 --> 00:22:41,727
Okay. All of my jars are here,
stored alphabetically, okay?

405
00:22:41,961 --> 00:22:44,096
Then we got my tea-bag doodad up there.

406
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:47,800
These are my olives, organized
by pit size, of course.

407
00:22:47,866 --> 00:22:49,943
And over here are my maple syrups

408
00:22:49,944 --> 00:22:52,771
from east to west by Canadian province.

409
00:22:52,838 --> 00:22:56,408
And, of course, my pride
and joy, my spice rack.

410
00:22:56,775 --> 00:22:59,511
Starting with allspice, anise,
basil, chili pepper, cumin,

411
00:22:59,578 --> 00:23:01,080
dill, dillseed, dill weed, fennel,

412
00:23:01,146 --> 00:23:02,765
garlic flakes, garlic
powder, garlic salt,

413
00:23:02,766 --> 00:23:04,917
habanero flakes, Italian seasoning,

414
00:23:05,584 --> 00:23:06,752
and a big jar of bullshit.

415
00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:08,854
Because who am I kidding?

416
00:23:09,154 --> 00:23:11,790
These are only here to be
put in alphabetical order.

417
00:23:11,857 --> 00:23:13,892
I mean, I don't use these things.

418
00:23:14,159 --> 00:23:15,794
I don't even know what they do.

419
00:23:16,028 --> 00:23:17,997
What, I'm gonna spice something?

420
00:23:18,430 --> 00:23:20,666
I mean, I... I order
in three times a week

421
00:23:20,733 --> 00:23:22,810
and I've got a Guatemalan housekeeper

422
00:23:22,811 --> 00:23:24,003
that does the rest of the cooking.

423
00:23:24,536 --> 00:23:26,639
She's manning the camera right now.

424
00:23:26,705 --> 00:23:28,641
Thank you, Rosita. I
don't say it enough.

425
00:23:29,141 --> 00:23:32,604
I mean, all I do is just get high, eat,

426
00:23:32,605 --> 00:23:34,913
and watch <i>House Hunters International.</i>

427
00:23:35,781 --> 00:23:36,849
[SOBS]

428
00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:40,152
I'm sorry. I don't
know what's happening.

429
00:23:40,753 --> 00:23:42,621
I don't know what's happening right now.
430
00:23:46,692 --> 00:23:48,627
Click "like" if you enjoyed this video.

431
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:57,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
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