the madness frustration loneliness of the dissonance of a mismatch of the rotten heart to the rest

allosexual aromantic swag happy pride *peaces out*

aromanticism deserves to be celebrated outside of the context of asexuality.

aromanticism deserves to be accepted and discussed without even mentioning asexuality.

aromantic allosexuality deserves to be celebrated.

aromanticism, on its own, with nothing else added, is fucking awesome.

Every so often you see some aroallo* on here saying that the aro and ace communities should be separate and I just. Have you never actually talked to an asexual? Have you never had a single conversation with one about your aspec identities?

Like, obviously there's the fact that so many people are aroace and so the two communities would still have a lot of overlap no matter what, but even if you're talking about people who are just asexual, we both say and feel the same exact things, just about romance instead of sex. Honestly sometimes it feels like I have more in common with alloaces than aroaces because we both have the same central frustration of "why the hell has society decided that these two things have to go together? Why is only wanting one such a hard concept?" They understand the struggle of how hard it is to find people who are willing to do one thing with you but don't expect you to do the other.

Like, I have had a conversation before with someone who was like "I know this is going to sound super weird, especially from someone who is ace" and I got to say "oh my god, no, not only is that not weird, I've done the exact same thing before but with romance." That's so cool! It's great that we can do that!

Whether you're aro, ace, another aspec identity (because let's not forget about atertiaries), or some combination of those, we all share the same frustration of "why is all media so obsessed with this one thing?" We all can't easily explain our identities to other people. We literally feel the exact same ways, just about different things. The aspec experience is the same across all identities, it's just in different fonts.

Saying we should be separate is like saying that lesbians and gay people shouldn't be in the same community, because lesbians know nothing about attraction to men and gay people know nothing about attraction to women. People have said that too, and I hope you all know how ridiculous that is. It's ignoring the common ground of being attracted to the same gender instead of the one you're supposed to be attracted to, and it's also ignoring how much defining those identities as not liking men/women is going to alienate the bi/pan/etc people who also share most of the same experiences.

Anyway. Hi aces. You are very cool. If anyone doesn't want you sitting with me, I'll make them leave instead.

*(Full disclosure that I'm sure there are aces who say this too, I just don't see it because I don't follow ace tags)

I noticed that when talking about aspec identities and attraction, everyone talks about how all types of attraction are equally important, but this only pertains to romantic, platonic, and queerplatonic attraction, and everyone leaves out/ignores sexual attraction.

I feel like sex is still demonized in society (or at least where I live) and people have a hard time accepting that someone can be in a purely sexual relationship and still have a strong connection with their partner(s).

I feel like people see sexual relationships as “less than” romantic, platonic, and queerplatonic relationships because people who only want a sexual relationship are “shallow” or “not actually committed” to their partner(s).

And even if someone is sleeping around or having casual sex doesn’t mean they are less than a person than someone who values platonic or queerplatonic relationships more.

A lot of aromantic people only feel sexual attraction, and I’ve seen a lot of hate towards aroallos even from within the queer community over the past many years, just because they value sexual connection over other forms of intimacy.

(Unfortunately, I used to be kinda judgy of aroallos before I realized I was aroallo and not aroace).

I wish we would stop treating sexual attraction/relationships as “less than” other types of relationships and start actually treating all forms of attraction as equally important, because everyone is different and some kinds of relationships work better with different people.

Alloaros are not inherently more sexual than anyone else, and they don’t have to have sex to prove their alloaroness. An alloaro who has never had sex or who no longer has sex — whether due to not being able to find a partner, being celibate, experiencing trauma, not being ready, or any other reason — is no less alloaro than someone who has had lots of sex or who has one or more foveo(s)/FWB(s). There is no shame in an alloaro person having sexual relationships that don’t involve romantic feelings (or even platonic feelings!), but being alloaro without having sex isn’t a contradiction either.

Hallo, Aro: Steel - K. A. Cook

Hallo, Aro is a series of flash fiction stories about allosexual aromantic characters navigating friendship, sexual attraction, aromanticism and the weight of amatonormative expectation.

Contains: An aplatonic, loveless allo-aro needlewoman; a too-handsome companion; and a fairy tale ending more inclined to historical grimness than modern happily-ever-after.

Length: 1, 276 words.

Content advisory: This story contains sexual touch, kissing and physical intimacy depictions and mentions along with depictions of sexual attraction and desire. In addition, please expect misogynistic language, general aro erasure, amatonormativity, multiple mentions of words like "love" and "dear", and the expectation that one must experience some form of love. The protagonist uses the word "broken" to reference how people describe her.

This story has a potentially-triggering ending. Please scroll to bottom of post for spoiler-containing advisories.

He raises his lips from hers. Locks like corded moonlight spill over his bare shoulders and chest, his eyes gleaming from a chiselled face too intent for youth and too free for age. Words like “handsome” or “beautiful” are too common, human, to encompass the faerie lord who rests long-fingered hands upon her hips as though existence contains nothing else of import. “Say, my love, that you will come away with me.”

They met a month prior. He perched upon a mossy log, playing a pipe as sweet as his words; she, berrying, strayed beyond the forest's edge in search of the idling musician. She visited him whenever daylight duties permitted, for he listened with grave seriousness to her frustrations with grandmothers, employers and gossips. Once the stars cast their light across night’s void, he scaled her window to lie upon her patched sheets as though she were his queen—his only need the indulgence of her giddying desires.

She draws an unsteady breath, yearning still afire in her every sinew. “Yes.”

They delay only to throw on yesterday’s clothes and tidy her tangled hair. Dawn crests the eastern hills as they leave her boarding house, creeping along muddy streets with a wary eye for dogs, cockerels and farmers. No suspicious neighbour can be permitted to query a man, and by consequence her, so foreign to mortality; she must vanish, wholly and utterly, like misty remnants after the coming sun.

What crudities, in a world wrought of clotheslines, barrels and outhouses, deserve her farewell?

You know I know we talk about how minors can be aroallo, but can we talk about how kids can be aroallo, too? Or at least, how my child self definitely was?

Like. Okay. Sure. I did not feel any sexual desire pre-puberty. I did not know what sex was. I did not want to touch my genitals to other children's genitals.

But at the same time, my concept of a crush was very much "they're pretty and I want to kiss them." That was the entire thing for me. To the point where I very much made a game out of trying to kiss my crushes, and I don't understand why no adults stopped me and had a very serious conversation about consent and how that's a very bad thing to do to people.

I didn't particularly dream of making a life with these crushes. I wanted to date them, sure, but only because I knew that's what you were supposed to do when you think a boy is pretty and you want to kiss him. I just thought they looked very nice and wanted to kiss them. And despite that, I remember having a conversation with a friend about how I couldn't picture myself being married one day. I remember realizing at nine years old that I didn't actually have a crush on a boy in the same way as other kids. I thought he looked cute, sure, but I also thought his personality was garbage.

So yes, teenagers can be aromantic allosexual. Absolutely. But I think it's worth saying that even if not in the traditional sense, kids can be aroallo too.

I think the weirdest thing about being aroallo is figuring out how to bring up that with new people. Like a lot of people are down for hookups or down for something casual. And even if you say "yeah I'm not into love" people are typically pretty chill. But for some reason when you say the term aromantic people start to get squirrelly. Like you dropped an anvil right on the conversation.

Being aroallo is not the same as being a depravated pervert. I might be one, but that’s completely unrelated.

Aros who date deserve space to talk about their dating life in aro spaces.

Aros who feel romantic attraction deserve space to talk about their attraction in aro spaces.

Aros who enjoy romance in any form deserve space to talk about it in aro spaces.

Romo aros belong in aro spaces and deserve to feel heard and welcome.