Reblogged saunteredserpent
i think im getting better! :) [another event occurs]
Reblogged worm-knight
it is absolutely essential to have friends you can have extremely insane pervert conversations with. this is kind of what makes life worth living
Reblogged saunteredserpent
Facts about your body after you turn 25, AKA things I wish someone had told me:
- you will get hair in fun new places. this is normal and fine.
- these places include (but are not limited to) if you don't already have them: your asscrack, your back, your ears, and moles. it's fine.
- some of you, dick or not, will also lose hair. this is normal, but also if you have ovaries maybe get this checked out for PCOS.
- your acne will probably change. some people get better. some people get worse. it's fine.
- your nails will probably get an infection or a fungus at least once in your life. this is fine. (but also let your doc know).
- how you gain and lose fat and where you do so will change. this is fine.
- how you smell will change. this is fine. (fishy or rotten smells mean doctor time though)
- if you have a prostate: it gets harder to pee. prostates enlarge as you age (get this checked regularly). this is fine.
- if you do not have a prostate: it gets easier to pee but not in a good way. as in as you get older, your pelvic floor muscles tend to lose some of their strength. this makes it harder to keep pee in. this is fine.
- all breasts and pectorals eventually sag, with the rest of your body. this is fine.
- a decent percent of the population will experience a cyst at least once. some of you will make up for the rest with multiple. this is fine, but keep them checked out by a doctor. (sometimes this is a condition! get checked for that too!)
- almost half of everyone gets hemorrhoids. it's a good idea to just expect them since your chances of getting them get higher the older you are. your toilet will look like a murder scene. definitely get your booty checked out BUT this is almost always perfectly normal. just eat more fiber. "but I already-" eat more fiber. and maybe suck it up and buy some hemorrhoid cream, you'll thank me later.
- yes, this means you will probably need to make an appointment for a doctor to see your butthole. it's okay. not only do they really not care but 1. they've seen weirder that day and 2. they'd far rather you see them now than later when it's been going on for forty years and now it might be colon cancer. it's okay. consider it a rite of passage.
- adults need more sleep than children. don't believe the myth that you need less than they do. that is capitalist propaganda to make you give up more of your life to the work grind, comrade.
- vitamins and medicine, something you are more likely to take as you get older, sometimes make the toilet turn weird colors. it's okay.
- if you still have your tonsils and get those little stones and get sore throats more than once a year you should plan on getting those suckers out before the tonsils cause an infection and go septic. if you're getting stones at all you should get those reevaluated every year, especially if the stones are bigger than a needlehead (or get bigger over time). it's gross and yucky. I don't care. get them looked at before you end up in the hospital.
- you'll probably need to add foot support to your shoes if you don't already do. this is fine.
- your body changes. sometimes it can feel sorta weird and upsetting that it isn't what it used to be. that is okay, and it is okay to be upset. just know that this is normal, it's normal to be upset or not upset, but don't let it hinder your quality of life. trans or cis, there is a certain level of acceptance you just gotta give your body and forgive your body for as you get older. it's okay.
- it's okay. I promise.
- falling asleep may get easier. like scarily easier. cross your arms and get comfy in a good chair easier
- if you still have your wisdom teeth and they're impacted, they might act up around certain points in your menstrual cycle. nobody told me this!
- the lenses in your eyes begin to harden more and more as you age. go get an eye exam
- you might find you have a new allergy out of nowhere. welcome to adulthood! it's fine
- a more balanced food intake will be needed to shit properly if you don't already have issues. you'll find yourself knowing what natural laxative foods you prefer (coffee, prune plums, aloe vera, flax, olive oil, strong black tea, canned pears etc) and it won't be weird
- back pain and sciatica are normal, but if it's chronic, get it looked at. not chiropractors btw. i mean an actual doctor that went to a registered medical school
- good comfy shoes are worth more than gold
- more and more you'll want some fuckin peace and quiet. this will inevitably rarely happen
- your tastebuds will change! i find myself enjoying more bitter and rich, complex flavours like super-dark chocolate now, than at 20
- posture is fake! look it up! just stand and sit in a variety of comfortable poses and move your body often. try to avoid shrimp poses though. like where you lean forward too much. they can get you so bendy that you won't stand tall for hours.
- if you look away from a topic it will feel like you're missing something, more and more. this is fine. i don't know who those new celebrities are either. you'll suddenly not care one day and it will be beautiful
- you'll never stop thanking the universe that you're not a teenager, because fuck that
Reblogged professorfonz
Come on investors, tumblr perfec t for buying with mpney investment. Very legitimate and profitable investors gain huge internet clout because good site and user base profitable for investor memes. Tumblr yes a place for investors money put money in Tumblr can trust Tumblr user for giveing good legiticmatecy. Friend Tumblr investors money
Reblogged lunar-system
okay but if you ever see a male creative who had a string of great work and then everything else he did was dogshit, go to the "personal life" part of his wikipedia and look at his relationships. you'll either find a major tragedy he didn't recover from (completely understandable) or, more likely, there was a woman in his life doing uncredited shit editing his stuff or contributing generally and she's not there anymore.
I told a friend about this phenomenon in literature and he called me weeks later like, I remembered what you said about women doing uncredited work when tim burton came up. he made a string of bangers then everything else just was nowhere near as good. the timeline matches perfectly to when he was with this german visual artist (lena gieseke). he's done some good work in collaboration, but if things were dug into I suspect we would find she did a lot more than people realise.
so yeah whenever you look around like wow women didn't work in history, or, women aren't auteurs, or, there just aren't as many great female writers - societal reasons for that aside, half the time they absolutely did.
Hell yeah
The confirmation I needed to reblog this post
Reblogged saunteredserpent
There’s no such thing as work-life balance for neurodivergent & chronically ill people.
This is because everything in my life requires work:
- maintaining friendships
- keeping up with my hygiene
- managing bills
- making money
- remembering my basic needs
- sleeping regularly
- outputting creatively
All requires some aspect of work for me.
And when everything in your life requires work, your balance goes out the window.
If you're neurodivergent and overwhelmed — I see you.
If you're chronically ill and overwhelmed — I see you.
You're not dysfunctional.
You're not incapable.
You're doing your best.
Reblogged rainydaysunrise
did i tell u guys i got into an argument on twitter bc i said foxes are dogs and someone tried to bring up their actual fuckin. classification or whatever and i just said “foxes are dogs cause they are fluffye” and they kept arguing with me. the entire time i was like “you will not survive the immigration to tumblr you are lucky we are not there right now”
bohemiandragoness
This is especially funny because they aren’t even right. Foxes *ARE* dogs.
No they aren’t.
yes they are. because they are fluffye.
OK yes they are.
mr-system-of-a-downer
Dog
jooshthepunished
Dog
utah-mountain-drifter
Different family, but same order as @pictures-of-dogs
zarabithia
No, they are the same family. They are the same kingdom, phylum, order and family. They separate at the genus.
They’re a dog.
yeah they’re fluffye
theyre literally not dogs theyre not even fluffy. can we get science tumblr over hear or what!?
checkmate athiests
fluffye
okay but they literally are dogs, for those who are confused
If foxes are dogs, then so are wolves, coyotes, dingoes, jackals, and several other extant and extinct species.
Behold! A dog.
of course it’s a dog you buffoon. it’s fluffye.
Why on earth would someone think “BUT IF THEY’RE DOGS SO AR -”
Like yes of course wolves are dogs, where have you been. Jackals are excellent doggies! So are coyotes. Why is this confusing.
I love that this is literally two completely different arguments running simultaneously.
That guy up there who said they’re not even fluffy was thinking of sharks
sharks are also dogs. ravenous water dogs, but still dogs
Sharks can NOT be dogs they are SMOOTH
Tags via @jenroses
wolfgang-king
sharks are smooth dogs
BEHOLD, a SHARK
17 clown car pileup 84 injured 193 dead
Reblogged pink-hydrangea
Literally nothing will make me more evil than just being sort of overwhelmed by Noises
Reblogged totallynotapumpkindonut
Rosemary? You mean spicy pine needles?
malus-syl-vestris
Are you insinuating that regular pine needles aren’t spicy???
Regular pine needles are regular
malus-syl-vestris
Not by rosemary standards
…Have you eaten pine needles?
malus-syl-vestris
We’ve been friends for like four years, do you seriously have to ask if I’ve eaten pine needles or not
I mean I’m pretty sure you have but I don’t want to assume
malus-syl-vestris
Of course I’ve eaten pine needles. Various kinds. Singleleaf pinyon is weirdly the best
Are they…
spicy?
malus-syl-vestris
You know, I’d love to tell you but I’m pretty unclear about what marks the difference between “spice” and “strong-tasting plant that isn’t considered a spice”
I’ll have to eat some pine needles myself then to find out
malus-syl-vestris
Ok but it only counts if they’re PINE needles and not just any old needle-like leaf off a tree
I’m going to eat every needle-like leaf I see
malus-syl-vestris
Please Don’t Do That
Needle-Like Leaf Roulette
malus-syl-vestris
…I’ll accept this plan as long as you promise not to eat any yew leaves.
I can try very hard not to
malus-syl-vestris
Pine needles are distinguished by the presence of a sheath-like structure at the base of the leaf, almost always holding bundles of two or more leaves. Yews don’t have the sheath thing
It’s time for me to go out into the woods and stare at needle leaves
malus-syl-vestris
Finally you can gain real insight into my average daily life
this conversation reads like two shakespeare characters who come out in the middle of the play to talk about something completely unrelated for comic relief and then are never heard from again
god fucking dammit gimme a minute
Enter AERUH and MALUS SYL-VESTRIS, a pair of JESTERS.
AERUH I tell thee, rosemary is like a pine but with a spicy taste.
MALUS Art thou to claim that needles base of pine have not a spice?
AERUH A needle base of pine is merely base.
MALUS ‘Tis not when held, comparing, to anthos.
AERUH My dearest Malus, needles thou'st eaten?
MALUS How many moons have we as friends seen rise? How many suns have we as friends seen set? Thou sixteen seasons in my heart I’ve held, and hope that I in thine hast been the same. With brotherhood as rich and old as this, thou needst not ask me such frivolities.
AERUH I know thou likely has, to tell the truth, but I would not assume.
MALUS Well, yes, I have. A multitude of types I’ve eaten too. I’ll tell thee now: the best (though it is strange) is single-leaf pinyon.
AERUH And it has spice?
MALUS I truly wish that I could tell thee this, but now, i'faith, I cannot fully tell, the difference in classifying thus: to say “has spice” or merely “herbal strength”.
AERUH To tell this tale most clearly it would seem that eating needles from a pine’s required.
MALUS Aye, it would seem that that’s the task at hand, but caution tells that this is what’s to do: eat only needles of the honest pine, and none of lying leaf with pinelike shape.
AERUH I’ll eat them all.
MALUS I prithee, stay thyself.
AERUH Roulette with leaves.
MALUS At least restrain from yew.
AERUH I’ll do my best.
MALUS That is all can we do. The scholars tell that needles true of pine can be distinguished from the lying yew by sheathlike clothing all along the base; the yew has no such guard.
AERUH With this new truth I now will venture out into the wood and seek the pines and pinelike fakes alike to stare them down and learn their secret truths.
MALUS With this thou canst at long and weary last Discover for thyself my life’s own path.
Exeunt.
Enter MACDUFF.
MACDUFF. Yo dudes that king there’s dead. Like dead as FUCK.
get this shit in angsty emotional moodboards NOW
aye aye capn
PLEASE THIS ROCKS
Reblogged mxaether
BOOBS-HAVERS. PLEASE ANSWER:
I lead a strictly no bra household
it only goes on if I’m leaving, and even then maybe not
Reblogged saunteredserpent
words cannot describe how much i love showering. my wet contemplative box
Hey everyone how's it going
Reblogged kowabungadoodles
who’s up thinking about after the threesome they both take you home by sue hyon bae i’m thinking about after the threesome they both take you home by sue hyon bae
normal time. im having it
[text ID:
After the Threesome, They Both Take You Home Sue Hyon Bae
even though it’s so very late and they have to report to their jobs in a few hours, they both get in the car, one driving, one shotgun, you in the back like a child needing a drive to settle into sleep, even though one could drive and the other sleep, because they can’t sleep without each other, they’d rather drive you across the city rather than be apart for half an hour, the office buildings lit pointlessly beautiful for nobody expect you to admire their reflections in the water, the lovers too busy talking about tha colleague they don’t like, tomorrow’s dinner plans, how once they bought peaches on a road trip and ate and ate until they could taste it in each other’s poers, they get out of the car together to kiss you goodnight, you who have perfected the ghost goodbye, exiting gatherings noiselessly, leaving only a dahlia-scented perfume, your ribcage compressing to slide through doors ajar and untouched, yesterday you were a flash of white in a pigeon’s blinking eye, in the day few hours old you stand solid and full of other people’s love for each other spilling over, warm leftovers.
/end ID]