There's nothing wrong with Hooters per se, but only a deeply sexually repressed society would be capable of producing Hooters. It's wild that it existed alongside Applebee's and Chilli's. Yeah man let's go to the psychosexual chicken wing place.

"I want to watch sports and eat chicken wings but I also want to constantly be aware that every waitress in this restaurant was hired for her fat tits. No I want them to be clothed the whole time. I just wanna know that like, in the background."

Any upstanding pervert could come up with a strip club. That's good honest fun. But even a normal pervert couldn't come up Hooters. You gotta be a pervert who doesn't even know you're a pervert.

We should run a greasy spoon diner where you know everyone is wearing a chastity cage w/ the sounding rod insert n maybe a e stim

Its called Cage's and the mascot is a bluebird beging electrocuted with a car battery.

Getting the 4'33 special at Cage's

your brain gets head but your smart gets dumb

why is this the one

Wait while I'm still thinking about wedding things, I haven't shared my favorite thing we came across while looking for wedding readings, which is THIS:

(From The Nature of Middle-earth, and yes, I was looking up obscure excerpts from Tolkien's more academic writing for wedding readings)

Anyway we ended up using a lightly-edited version of it as one of our seven short readings because I can't believe that Tolkien pretty much outright said "Yeah elves have queerplatonic relationships. Here's some cute words for platonic partners, derived from the Quenya word for love because friendships are a kind of love, too"

--And I also can't believe I didn't know about it until now, although admittedly these particular notes were not properly published until 2021. The Tolkien Estate was keeping queerplatonic elves from us. Queerplatonic elves!!

tumblr will never be the next pdf at this rate

More favourite numerical memes:

I love all of these, plus I would like to propose two additional, both things that I do on the regular:

6. Comparing a stated number to a somewhat larger number in a context where this adds no information. (example: "I found 50 dollars!" "Wow, that's almost 60 dollars!")

7. Improper use and conversion of units. "I'm turning 21 tomorrow!" "Wow, that's 69.8 in Fahrenheit!"

if I may add a couple of my personal favorites:

8. Saying “maybe more!” when someone very clearly states an exact number, ie, “I have $2.45 on me right now.” “maybe more!” “no, just… just $2.45”

9. dismissing a legitimate fact because the method used to confirm it is also completely legitimate: “it looks like there’s 75 copies of this book in here.” “I mean sure, if you count them.”

11. Absurd precision on approximations: "I'm roughly 1.77863982 meters tall, give or take a few cm."

L. Numbered lists with items inexplicably missing or out of order.

13. Numbering things but mixing in letters, Roman numerals, etc. ("First, we need a way into the party. B, we need a distraction so we can find the safe. And 3, we need a getaway route that will still be open after the alarms go off")

14. Counting things by adding up the numbers or numeric prefixes inside them: four bicycles is one octacycle, three forks is one twelvk, and if you divide a pork tenderloin into five equal pieces each one is a twoderloin.

15. Using a range with a general lower bound but comparatively precise upper bound. "between 1000 and 1003 people showed up"

16. Using a number and its synonym like they're different. "do we need a carton of twelve eggs, or can I just get a dozen?"

17. Conflating a number's size and its value.

is bigger than 4

18. Mixing in irrelevant unit conversions, e.g. "I have £3, but that's 21 in dog pounds which is enough to buy alcohol in America"

If Odin appears in the form of a spider, how many eyes would it have? 1? Or 7?

socks are the primary producers of the laundry biome. they typically mate for life and come in a wide variety of patterns, though—unlike shoes, which many theorize to be a symbiotic species—they lack sexual dimorphism. juvenile socks resemble their parents, but have yet to develop the long necks that distinguish socks from other species of the extremity family, such as mittens

the lint trap is a fascinating example of a decomposer. it relies on the environment to bring food in the form of detritus, which it then breaks down into lint. lint traps have relatively long lives in comparison with other species (especially given the recent downward trends in lifespan, which are likely caused by a combination of genetic bottlenecks and poor nutrition). the lint trap has an unusual relationship with fire—some theorize that it uses fire as a tool to increase resource availability, while others believe that its frequent proximity to fire is due to environmental factors

the apex predator of the laundry biome is, of course, the dreaded duvet cover. duvet covers lead solitary lives, and are rarely seen socializing with one another. its preferred prey is socks, although it is an opportunistic eater and will prey upon much larger targets, such as t-shirts, leggings, and even sheets. aside from its large territory and antisocial nature, its behaviors are poorly known and highly controversial. one major theory is that the duvet cover is an ambush predator, lying in wait for its prey. another is that the duvet cover seeks out prey, using its superior size and large mouth to overwhelm its victims in a matter of seconds. a third, less popular supposition is that the duvet cover lures its victims to it by mimicking the laundry bag, a preferred shelter for many residents of the laundry biome. more research on this topic is necessary

It looks like today is going to be a night of checking up with my friends to see which ones of them are now unemployed… Tumblr seems to have been hit hard

It looks like developers, both web and mobile, are the biggest group in the 280 people laid off

The severance package being 9 weeks… i know more than a dozen people who have been fired today that were already in the company when I joined… 10 years ago.

9 weeks.

No kidding, given the number of Tumblr staff I know have been laid off yesterday, I don’t think the current staff number can be higher of 30, maybe 40.

remember when we had real gun emoji

completely lirious and ranged. absolutely lusional. not only mented but fective, too. engaging in praved behavior. a real generate

tumblr updated and now all the icons have scars and slashes and gashes and wounds and blemishes and tears and rips and abscesses and fractures and bruises and cuts and scrapes and clefts and fissures and notches and incisions and lacerations and lesions and rents and holes and dents and burns and sprains and faults and lumps and shit like that

my favorite thing is to say "investing in" instead of "buying"

just closed on a big deal with a major grocery chain vis-a-vis the procurement of some fresh strawberries

they need to make hrt that replaces your skin with metal plates and your internal organs with circuitry

*squeezes your hand* it won’t feel like this forever