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Nothing beside remains

@caelumaids / caelumaids.tumblr.com

Ali | NZ Pākeha | 29 Queer | Cisfem SMALL MONSTROSITY

fun things that tend to get lost in dracula adaptations:

  • dracula throwing jonathans mirror out the window & leaving; jonathans reaction being essentially “god dammit how am i gonna shave now”
  • draculas shitty straw hat that he wears during his frantic daytime errands
  • jonathan trying to whack dracula with a shovel
  • general respect for lucy & mina
  • “we should have pity for dracula” “yeah have pity for him when i slam dunk him into hell” “JONATHAN”
  • quincey quietly stepping out during van helsings long boring vampire lecture & waking everyone up by shooting the fucking window in bc he saw a bat
  • quincey in general like why would you make the conscious decision to not have a cowboy in your vampire movie
  • jonathan almost dying bc he ate some spicy chicken
  • Dracula throwing a wolf through a window
  • A woman literally dying of fright because Dracula threw a wolf through her window
  • Mina getting stuck in a magic bread-circle because vampires want her to dance in the snow with them
  • Dracula’s potentially very real affection for Jonathan, i.e., passing up every opportunity to actually kill him, despite Jonathan (a sickly human man) physically attacking Dracula (an undead military leader & sorcerer trained by the devil himself) several times
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godddd im back on my bullshit thinking about whalefalls again

specifically the whole speciation/evolutionary stepping stone thing where they allow certain species to move, adapt, and disperse in new environments through the resources that they create simply by dying. Literally hundreds of species take advantage of one when it happens. So many species are fundamentally altered by a resource oasis hundreds of times more effective than marine snow.

fuckkk all im thinking about is shit like. one body. one death. yet a body that, depending on certain conditions, could take up to a CENTURY to be fully returned to the entropy it came from.

That shit can be considered an actual fuckin. Biome. a whole biome in a single creature.

Imagine you, a single cell or near single cell microorganism being the latest in a generational line that spans back so far that your line has evolved and speciated from its origin point before the whale fell.

Imagine you, with a lifespan of days or weeks living in rotting flesh that will presumably take up to a full century to fully consume

Imagine you, your entire bloodline, your whole world living off one body. Alive off of corpse-fat and marrow, consuming your god as it transforms you into something unrecognizable

i'm not going to lie when i end up on this part of my brain I do feel a little ludovica bonnaire about it all

edit: wait i got another line i need to write down before i pass out:

Your God may live, but I thank everything that my God is dead.

threw this one together as almost a warmup of sorts lol. i've got commissions to do today

I'm so excited for my dear friend Jonathan Harker. he's landed a really sweet gig WITH travel and accommodation included. things are finally looking up for my bud and I can't wait to hear all about his travels (he's promised to write)

@boggblog please everyone needs to see your very correct statement

Wish I could lay on the bottom of a body of water without having to worry about such things as “I need air in my lungs to live” or “I need to be alive for this experience because otherwise I’d rather not do it”

tiktok users scroll to the next video:

tiktok user dewclaw83: you're getting submerged!

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I don't think we talk about Cas and his shitty TV shows enough

If Dean is allowed to hyperfixate on cowboy movies, horror Flix, and Dr. Sexy

Then we should let Cas watch the wheel of fortune like the old man that he is

Let Cas text with too many emoticons

Let Cas play candy crush while Dean sleeps on him

Cas is old man energy and I love him for it

This is their nightly routine

Cas finishes at least 50 levels before he goes to sleep

He also does the thing where he uses his index finger when he plays

Computer game where you're building a tower level by level and the closer you get to heaven the harder it becomes to fight off God.

The health mechanic is "coherence" as he works to confuse the tongues of your workers and you regenerate it by employing linguists to reincorporate the language changes as quickly as possible. If coherence reaches zero then your workers start wars with each other and leave and your tower collapses.

This sign was right below this post just thought you should know

genuinely wild to me when I go to someone's house and we watch TV or listen to music or something and there are ads. I haven't seen an ad in my home since 2005. what do you mean you haven't set up multiple layers of digital infrastructure to banish corporate messaging to oblivion before it manifests? listen, this is important. this is the 21st century version of carving sigils on the wall to deny entry to demons or wearing bells to ward off the Unseelie. come on give me your router admin password and I'll show you how to cast a protective spell of Get Thee Tae Fuck, Capital

Share the knowledge

Okay, here we go! I'm gonna try and put this in order from least to most technical knowledge required. I'm not responsible if you accidentally create SkyNet etc.

Level 1: browser extensions

This one is basically impossible to get wrong, or at least to get wrong badly enough that it causes any problems.

Get Firefox, or a Firefox fork like Waterfox. If you use a fork, make sure it's one that will let you use add-ons. On a PC, pretty much any Firefox fork will take add-ons, but on mobile devices, many don't. Iceraven is one that does.

Get the add-ons uBlock Origin, YouTube Sponsorblock (if you use YouTube), and FBCleaner (if you use Facebook).

uBlock Origin comes with a built-in list of filters to block ads and trackers, but you can add your own filters to block any specific element of a website you don't like. You know those goddamn floating frames on fandom.com sites that block half the screen? Now you can zap 'em.

Sponsorblock uses crowdsourced timestamps to automatically skip sponsor spots and self-promotion in YouTube videos. Never listen to anyone say "hit like and subscribe" or "Raid Shadow Legends" again.

FBCleaner hides all content from your feed except posts from people, groups, and pages you've actually chosen to follow.

Level 2: leaving enshittified services

The software that's become standard over the years in a lot of fields is steadily selling more of your data, showing you more ads, and pushing you to buy more expensive subscriptions. Time to tell them to get fucked.

Dump Adobe apps for Affinity or Krita. Drop Microsoft for LibreOffice. Change your default search engine from Google to DuckDuckGo or Qwant. Use OpenStreetMaps instead of Google or Apple Maps.

Level 3: network-level DNS fuckery

DNS, or Domain Name Service, is the thing that tells your computer where www.website.com is actually located. By hacking your network's DNS you can force it to tell your devices that ad-hosting domains don't exist at all. Some of the steps on this one can get pretty technical, but because you're doing all the difficult stuff on a dedicated device, you can't really fuck up anything that seriously.

Get yourself a Raspberry Pi (a cheap older one like a model 3B will work just fine for this purpose), and follow a guide like this one to get it set up running AdGuard Home. AdGuard, like uBlock, has built-in filter lists, but you can also add your own if there are specific domains you want to block.

Once it's up and running, you'll need to change the DNS settings on your router to point to your AdGuard service. This is different for every router but will always start with logging into the admin panel with a password printed on a little sticker somewhere on the router.

With that done, every time a device on your home network looks for ads.website.com, it'll get back a message that says "sorry, can't find it", so it won't be able to load any ads.

Level 4: Android-specific DNS fuckery

Because AdGuard runs on your home network, it can't block ads on your phone when you're away from home - and what's worse, your phone will sometimes remember the addresses it got when you were out and about, and ads will get past your AdGuard wall even when you're home.

To avoid this, get AdAway for DNS-based ad-blocking directly on your phone. The easy, but less seamless, way of using AdAway is the "local VPN mode", which doesn't require you to do any mucking about with your phone's operating system.

Level 5: automated media piracy

The best way to stop seeing ads on all your streaming services is to stop using streaming services. There are loads of ways to do this, but the best ones involve setting up what's called an "arr stack" (Google that for setup guides) along with nzbget and a usenet account. Most of the time you'll want to set this stuff up on a dedicated device - an old laptop gathering dust in the closet is a great option, or you can grab something used from a charity shop or a local electronics recycler.

The great thing about usenet is that unlike with torrents, you don't have to do any sharing from your computer, so you're in a lot less legal jeopardy - legally speaking, distributing pirated content is waaayyy more serious than accessing it. I pay about £3 a month for a secure, high-bandwidth usenet service.

Once you start getting your own collection of media on your own computer, use the open-source media library manager Jellyfin to browse and play things from basically any device.

Oh, and don't be a dick. Pirate all you want from big corporations, but please pay independent small-time creators for their work.

Level 6: fucking with Android

Android phones are a lot more locked-down than they used to be, but depending on the device you own you can still do a lot of messing around under the hood. Note that if you get something wrong while doing this, there is always the possibility that it will turn your device into a paperweight.

Before you buy a device, check where it sits on the Bootloader Unlock Wall of Shame. Once you've bought it, check the xda-developer forums for guides on how to unlock it and "root" it (gain admin access) with Magisk.

Once Magisk is installed, you can add modules to do all sorts of cool stuff, including using AdAway in "root mode" which makes it basically invisible.

You can also install YouTube ReVanced, which will do all the ad- and sponsor blocking stuff we took care of in your Windows browser a few paragraphs ago. Be careful: there are a lot of fake sites out there pretending they're associated with the ReVanced project which might be injecting malware into their downloads. This Reddit post has the official instructions and links.

Also, try out the modded version of Facebook from APKmoddone, which will block most of the same shit as the FBcleaner add-on from earlier. There's always a possibility that modified apps like this are doing something dodgy, but I've never had any issues with this one personally.

Level 7: fucking with Windows

This one is scary because it can seriously fuck up your shit if something goes wrong, but some really cool people have actually made it very simple to strip all the bloat, ads, and spyware out of Windows. The tool I use is ReviOS. Start reading at https://www.revi.cc/docs. Basically, you'll need to download a tool called AME Wizard and the ReviOS "playbook" that tells AME what to do. Read the documentation before you do any of this.

Level 8: switching to Linux

I'm not going to pretend this is an option for everyone. Half the software I use on a weekly basis isn't available on Linux. But if you can switch? Do it. These days, Ubuntu - one of the most popular flavours of Linux - is built with people switching from Windows in mind, and a lot of things will be pretty intuitive. It also has great documentation and a huge community you can go to for help if you're confused about stuff.

And that, friends, is a comprehensive approach to banishing the demons of capitalism from your home!

so when straight people ask me why I say I’m “queer” or “gay” instead of sharing my actual identity as a panromantic demisexual non-binary sapphic queer I just tell them “ok look, when you’re talking to someone who isn’t local and they ask you where you’re from and you either say the name of the largest city nearby or ‘town name, suburb of large nearby city’ so they can get some geographical context of where you’re located right, bc they’re probably not going to know the name of the little town you actually live in.”

but if you’re talking to a local you can say the name of your actual town bc they have a greater chance of knowing where/what that is.

ok well when I’m talking to a straight person I start with queer bc chances are they aren’t as familiar with the context of all the little towns in that big queer city and need gps (gay positioning system) to find me.

if I’m talking to another queer person and I say I live in a suburb of gay city in a town called panromantic on the demisexual side of the tracks which is in the county of queer and I live off the intersection of non-binary and sapphic, they’d probably be able to find me with little to no problems, make sense?

Also because my exact address in Queertown is usually nobody's business.

In either case, you only need all the details if you're coming back to my place.

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