צֶ֥דֶק צֶ֖דֶק תִּרְדֹּ֑ף

lot of people are going to be sent careening three posts down their dash and crashing into a brick wall because of this post

@zahnie i am kind of mad tbh bc now i keep thinking about that leverage/batman crossover and it’s ridiculous. they’re using a charity gala as a way to get into the manor. eliot immediately pegs alfred for former mi6, but he can’t figure out what the fuck bruce’s deal is. something about the way he stands or the way he watches the room or his shoulders or something. “is it not distinctive enough?” “oh, it’s distinctive as hell, i just don’t know what it is”. let’s say it’s older bruce so hardison has to get into a hacker fight with tim. sophie can’t grift bc there are too many rich people who’d recognize her in attendance. parker can’t infiltrate the catering service because they run that shit tighter than the white house (WHY is he so paranoid about his CATERERS what the HELL i’ve seen BANKS less lax about tracking employees than this) so she has to pretend to be a model. that backfires so fast because bruce is so nice and wants to know if she’s okay bc she seems uncomfortable. parker is thrilled when she discovers the house is full of secret passages but that also ends poorly when she turns a corner and bruce is standing there like “hey there, you seem lost”. he’s still wearing the tux and drinking his champagne. he helpfully guides her to the bathroom since she is having such trouble finding it. eliot has a tense standoff with alfred bc this is wayne manor alfred and that means he is like an older, british eliot who’ll shoot a motherfucker. hardison and tim get distracted playing wow together and it isn’t clear exactly how that happened. there has to be at least one scene where eliot and bruce are fighting and the rest of the team just watches instead of doing anything useful because it’s actually kind of really hot. they don’t even really hurt each other so it’s fine. probably fine. just let them keep pinning each other to the floor for a while, it’s fine. bruce has a lot of helpful critiques for nate’s plan that nate does not appreciate. the obvious thing is that they figure out he’s batman but it’s kind of funnier if they don’t and just think bruce wayne is an inexplicable bamf. they’ve all learned a valuable lesson about judging people based on appearances. bruce flirts with sophie and nate pretends not to be bitter about it but he gazes out at the gotham skyline and broods. it’s just what happens when you’re in gotham. it’s a very broodworthy skyline. make fun of batman all you want but you look out at that skyline and try not to brood. you can’t. even superman broods. i mean, he looks like he’s brooding. he’s usually trying to remember if he left the oven on because every time he decides to make himself a nice dinner a supervillain attacks and four hours later his baked ziti is charcoal. it still counts as brooding. nate never stood a chance.

“Parker, if he so much as gives you a bad feeling I want you to get the hell out of there as fast as you can.”

“What?” Parker looked back over her shoulder at the man currently adorned with three blondes, five brunettes, and a redhead. “Why?”

“Something’s not right,” Eliot said, which wasn’t an explanation at all.

“Think you can maybe give us a little more to go on than that?” Nate asked, the kind of sardonic authority that was easy to pull off when he wasn’t even in the building.

“No,” Eliot snapped. “I don’t know what the hell it is, I just know it’s bad news.” MI6 in the way he held his champagne and CIA in the way he stood and a soldier in his shoulders and Interpol in the way he looked around the room – no, CIA again – no, FBI – League of Assassins? Obviously not that, couldn’t have been that, so what exactly was it that had him wanting to grab Parker and get the hell out? If he could get closer he might be able to tell, the mezzanine might as well have been a different building entirely for all the good it did him. All forest, no trees.

“Not distinctive enough?” Hardison asked, but it wasn’t a real question.

“Too distinctive,” Eliot answered, even though he knew Hardison didn’t actually care. “I’ve just never seen it before.”

“If you’ll pardon the intrusion, sir,” said a voice not in Eliot’s ear, and he did not make it obvious how he stiffened at the address. Eliot turned, let harmless confusion and interest soften his face.

The butler, the one he’d seen before. Pennyworth. That familiar combination of MI6 and Interpol, muddied with domestic service but present all the same.

“May I have your name?” the butler asked, his hair was white but his eyes were sharp.

“Isaac Easton,” Eliot lied automatically. “Is something wrong?”

Mr. Pennyworth exuded serene amusement. “So sorry,” he said, “but I’m afraid you’re not Mr. Easton.”

“Don’t try to deny it,” Sophie said in Eliot’s ear before he could respond. “He couldn’t make it so he told you to come.”

“You caught me,” Eliot said, sheepish. “Turned out he had some kind of a family thing, said I could use his invite. Didn’t think anyone’d notice if I used his name. He’ll be flattered you remember him.”

It was unclear if Pennyworth bought this story, as placid as before. “I don’t, actually,” he said. “But I’ve always made it a point to examine the guest lists personally. If there were meant to be a former green beret in attendance, I would know about it.”

Eliot was, for the most fleeting of moments, stunned.

The butler smiled. It was not kind. “The way you watch the crowd,” he explained. “It’s very distinctive.”

Eliot froze. He frowned. His brow furrowed.

If Hardison laughed any harder, he was going to hurt himself.

ok but, the leverage crew definitely aren’t conning the bats right? they’re after someone else, & want into the manor for some paperwork bruce specifically keeps in his home office cuz it’s less weird if your house where your kids live is more fortified than the average military base. except, obviously bruce has this paperwork cuz he is also after whoever it is, maybe as batman or maybe just as a rich guy who has tricked all the other rich guys into thinking he’s also a shitbag so they brag to him about all their shitbag exploits

which is to say. leverage crew are unknowingly speedrunning this guy’s demise. bruce was already handling it, he’s just content to play a longer game cuz taking down evil rich guys who do run-of-the-mill rich people crimes and not, y'know, increasingly elaborate supervillain crimes often involving fun new dangerous chemicals and explosives is the batman equivalent of a hobby. he combs thru the banking records of gotham’s elite to relax

and. because in both the leverage crew and the batfam’s experience people who have a very particular skillset and are lying about it do not mean well, they spend the whole gala convinced the other group are Villains.

so the longer the job takes the more nate suggests maybe they just bail, guys, they can find another angle that doesn’t need those files, they have definitely stumbled into something bigger here and he has no idea who bruce wayne actually is but he does not want to piss him off, while parker and eliot stubbornly refuse to leave because, no, they are figuring out what the fuck wayne’s deal is. hardison is having too much fun talking to tim to take a side. sophie can’t decide if the inevitability of someone being stabbed is worth finding out why dick grayson is subtly grilling her about a few very specific pieces of artwork and their exact locations

(for the record dick is mostly trying to figure out if she knows selina) (he is asking the wrong person) (parker hasn’t ever talked to her but they’ve crossed paths) (only so many buildings containing incredibly expensive things in the world. yknow how it is)

and the more of the evening that passes the more bruce starts to develop a twitch, because these people are here for A Reason but no one can find anything on them, they’re not trying to get in the kitchens, they’re not armed, he sent tim off to hack into their comms two hours ago and he still hasn’t come back, dick is convinced the older woman is a prolific griffer but bruce is reasonably sure she’s related to him somehow, what are they trying to do why are they here bruce’s head hurts

eventually, eliot hits his subterfuge limit and just starts for the office, and bruce follows him, and they get in the aforementioned brawl in a relatively out-the-way hallway that slowly attracts parker, sophie, nate, and dick, and as that is playing out hardison finally says something he thinks isn’t incriminating but makes tim go “ohhh you’re after the medical fraud guy. shit, why didn’t you just say so? i’ll send you the files now”

meaning hardison finally gives his full attention back to the main comms channel and says “uh, nate? it’s cool, i sorted it, you can bounce”, only for nate to reply “eliot has bruce wayne in a chokehold” and then, as hardison splutters, “no, wait, bruce wayne has eliot pinned– no, eliot has– no, i think– wait, maybe–”

“you, uh. you can break it up” hardison says, desperately trying to find a security camera with a good angle, and tim pipes up “hey, can we set up your guy and bruce on some playdates?” as nate, caught between bemusement and concern, says “i think? this is fun for them?”

and then alfred appears to remind bruce he can’t mysteriously disappear when it’s his party (“no, i think i can” “i am not saying it would be implausible, master bruce, i am saying it would be impolite”), and sees the leverage crew out, and the leverage crew have the weirdest debrief of their lives and then get their actual con off w/o a hitch thanks in part to some extra bonus files tim sent, and a couple weeks later bruce sends them a fruit basket and a standing invitation to any and all events he hosts

....okay this is going to seem inflammatory but i am just genuinely curious

himejoshi solas

Genuinely though. like. What's up. what can i even say about this it's literally right there.

what can i even say about this. it's literally right there.

@dreamsofdeathbywater

Art snobs are actually a thousand times less annoying than people who respond to everything with "it's not that deep bro"

This list was created consulting Year in Reviews, Fanlore articles, user feedback, vintage pinterest posts, and my own knowledge. Don't worry about not seeing the shows in their entirety, vote based on your judgement. Enjoy!

why do i never get to hear "oh he's pretty enough to play blorbo" about brown men

gonna be the change I want to see here's some brown men pretty enough to play blorbo no 1 (Dick Grayson)

Avan Jogia (pic from Resident Evil)

Brennan Mejia

Jesus Castro has the exact same vibes as Schumacher movies Dick

Hi Numair.

Hi Beren

The Most Elf.

oh hello Felassen vibes

Have been saying for years that Riz Ahmed could be Fenris dragonage and I stand by it still

why do i never get to hear "oh he's pretty enough to play blorbo" about brown men

gonna be the change I want to see here's some brown men pretty enough to play blorbo no 1 (Dick Grayson)

Avan Jogia (pic from Resident Evil)

Brennan Mejia

Jesus Castro has the exact same vibes as Schumacher movies Dick

Send me an OC + 😨 and I’ll tell you something angsty I have planned for their fic.

22 year old Gazan anti-Hamas protestor Oday Nasser Al Rabay was kidnapped, tortured, and murdered by Hamas last night.

There is no hope for peace and mutual prosperity while voices of dissent in Gaza end up murdered brutality.

Anyway, I wish a very fuck you to all the American college students complaining about how Khalil was “disappeared” for “peacefully protesting” and staying predictably silent as their favorite terrorist group disappears and murders a 22 year old protestor in Gaza.

"I am very decent owo"

Shiri was a nursery school teacher and a bookkeeper. “fair game.” they “let” her take her children into tortuous captivity out of “pity and kindness,” I’m sure it was that same pity and kindness that they so nicely showed to her when they murdered her children with their bare hands.

we should all be thankful they returned them in a death parade with their names swapped on locked coffins with keys that didn’t fit which labeled them with dates of “arrest” at the ages of four and nine months.

this woman who said this is a nurse with four children.

this is what we’re dealing with and it’s why I can’t be quiet.

an update:

This is about a murdered 4 year old child liking Batman by the way.

I want this guy to think, very hard, about how many total interests a 4 year old might discernibly have.

"How come you only talk about what cartoon this murdered four year old liked? Seems kind of childish to focus only on that sort of thing, imo"

I'm sorry that four year old who was murdered for being a Jew wasn't spending their time volunteering at soup kitchens, Anon, or whatever-the-fuck you think it would be acceptable to mention about them. Fuck you.

what remarkable thing to mention could he possibly have had time to do in 4 YEARS OF LIFE

Babies, in case you didn't know anon, take about half that time to even learn how to walk and talk

What the fuck do you expect

he was four years old and believed in heroes who save people. he wanted to save people too.

anon, in your bitter cruelty and inhumanity, I have to wonder…can anyone save you?