the tragedy of tumblr is you will inevitably meet people who you should be having a sleepover with. you should be rolling around on their floor and rummaging through their fridge and watching shitty movies with. you should be shopping with should be going out to a cafe with should be wandering through the aquarium with. people who you should be experiencing quotidian joys with... and you cannot! because they live one million miles away

I will literally never stop thinking about this.

I hate perspective drawings THE FUCK YOU MEAN I GOTTA CONSIDER THE Z AXIS

I love when household beasts are like whoa. You were gonna piss all on your own? No backup or companionship or anything? Babe. I got you. I'm right here. You don't have to be alone during this difficult time (pissing), and you won't be. Ever. This is not a discussion.

unfortunate news being aroace does not give you immunity against yearning . sorry. i know . i was disappointed to learn it too

aaugh i hate citing sources *excruciatingly loud sounds of tearing metal combined with tortured human screams and fleshy hitting noises* ok that wasn't so bad actually..

hey guys. whats happening on my post

[Image description: There are five images, all screenshots of tags and replies on this post. The first is tags in all caps that read, "prev tags?! are you okay?" The second image is the prev tags mentioned, and reads, "me watching two hours worth of cars 3 interviews with brian fee so i can find a concrete source for lightning mcqueens age. btw on that note there's canonically a 20 year age gap between mcqueen and mater. in the first movie mcqueen is 29 and mater is 49. stan materfred its less problematic." The third image is tags in response to the previous image that read, "prev what. what. mater is. 49?? he's what?? he. was older than my dad when i first watched the movie? what??" The fourth image is tags in response again, and it reads, "prev in the credits of cars 2 we see maters passport including his DOB. his birthday is the same as john lasseters. 12 jan 1957. as i write this in 2022 john lasseter is 65. thus. mater is a gilf." The fifth image is a reply that reads, "mater is a gilf." End description]

[Image ID: It is a wojak meme, showing a man, who has the Wojak face, standing in the corner of a party, while smiling couples dance around him. Above the Couples' heads text reads, "Mater's 49????" And "Gilf Mater." Above the Wojak man's head, Text reads, "They don't know Materfred is the ship name for Mater and Manfred Von Karma" END ID]

[Image ID: A screenshot of a google search of "Manfred Von Karma", showing he's a white haired kinda "has fun being evil" looking man, the first result being his Ace Attorney wiki page. Hes a prosecutor. END ID]

what.

Ace Attorney Heritage Post

guards! read me my bedtime yaoi

my liege if you keep having all of the guards come to your bedroom to read you bedtime stories, there will be no one to actually guard the castle during that time!

any intruders are welcome to join us for story time

my liege the enemies to lovers yaoi is affecting your perception of the danger of real enemies.

when will it be my turn.

holy fuck

I just realized that many many people have jobs

Rb with your job, wtf do you people do while offline???

k I guess twitter is good sometimes

I had to...

star trek heritage post (April 26th, 2020)

@cosmiado

evangelicals being like "god made men to do This and be like This and women to do That and be like That that's just how it is" and it's just a picture of a white man and woman following traditional gender norms makes me so insane like you boring fascist fucks. god made 2 million species of beetles. god made whales, ducks, humans, and 1500 other species capable of same sex behavior. god made fish and amphibians that change sexes. god made more than 30 different intersex variations in human beings. god, in his infinite curiosity. wake up!!! fuck!!

"god wants women to have perfect no-makeup makeup looks and stay at home not talking back and upholding capitalism" god??? that guy who made lizards that shoot blood out of their eyes?? that guy who made salmon do whatever the fuck that is?? are you fucking crazy???

characterpilled Unfollow

[photo of the character]

i love my this. the charactr

characterpilled Unfollow

charac te r. ... ... . .... #FUUUUCK. THE CHARACTER.

characterpilled Unfollow

DOES ANYBODY EVER THINK ABOUT .THE CHARACTER

characterpilled Unfollow

[1.5k word essay about the character] #but like idk maybe im wrong

characterpilled Unfollow

character i love youso badly.

^dash when someone is possessed by The Character core (this post is positive)

this is my special springtime poem called “Eyyyyy it’s spring!”

Hey students, here’s a pro tip: do not write an email to your prof while you’re seriously sick.

Signed, a person who somehow came up with “dear hello, I am sick and not sure if I’ll be alive to come tomorrow and I’m sorry, best slutantions, [name]”.

I mean, if someone wrote that to me, I’d probably believe they were sick.

“Slutantions” has me crying laughing

i once emailed my professor with a migraine. a mistake.

“I amsick will not to choir because i have a heache. i Hope its very and i am so sorry

love,

blue”

the subject line was “OW”

THE SUBJECT LINE IS THE BEST PART JSJFJSJDJS JUST IMAGINE GETTING AN EMAIL WITH NO CONTEXT OTHER THAN “OW”

As someone who has taught college, please send those emails because 1) We WILL believe that; no one would write that on purpose and 2) we need a laugh sometimes.

On the other side of this, once after getting taken to the ER by ambulance, I got an email from the professor whose class I’d passed out in, and the message had no text, just the subject line “you good?”

Reblogging for the last addition

Claritin makes me weird, but I have allergies so there’s about a month and a half block of time where I’m taking Claritin and am just weird most of the time.

Anyway, my last year of college, I got the flu or something in late March and was also taking Mucinex. I told my professor I couldn’t come to class one day by email except I couldnt think of what to say, so my medicated ass decided to make a Fry meme. I think it said something like “Not sure if I can go to class with a head the size of Texas, bottom text.” I didn’t think until the next day that it probably wasn’t socially-acceptable to tell your philosophy professor you weren’t coming to class via Tumblr style memes. When i got back to class, i found that she’d printed it out and taped it to the classroom bulletin board.

Oh shit you guys i turned on my WinXP laptop that I used to use back then.

IT WAS ON THE DESKTOP. THIS IS WHAT I SENT.

It’s even worse than i remember it

I laugh myself hoarse every time this post comes around, so here it is again.

Once emailed a professor from my hospital bed high on painkillers after a really bad car crash which my heart actually stopped the email “Dead cant class sory”

i was very sick over new years and one day i woke up to find i had emailed my manager in the middle of the night:

she said it was the most beautiful sick email she’s ever gotten

she said it was the

most beautiful sick email

she’s ever gotten

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

long time no trc