deadbeat girl at heart

sopping fucking wet creature

Faithful puppy girl bodyguard 🐶

Dragons play fighting but to anyone else it looks like we’re trying to maul eachother to death

i always click the "track package" button as soon as i get the email. "oh boy i wonder where my package is!" warehouse.

People have written a lot of touchy-feely pieces on this subject but I thought I’d get right to the heart of the matter

[The artist, putting a simple cake next to a much fancier one: “Aw man, that guy’s cake is way better than mine.” The Audience, gleefully holding up a knife and fork “HOLY SHIT! TWO CAKES!”]

additions from the og artist (credit)

“Holy shit two cakes,” I mutter to myself as I do fucking anything these days, this post was a godsend

i like sailing myths and superstitions because most of them can be boiled down to "if the ocean doesn't like you it will chew you up and spit out your bones. and if it really loves you it will swallow you whole and keep you forever. good luck 👍"

nintendo switch 2 looks cool but kinda expensive Everyone promise not to buy it for 1 year until they panic and drop the price like they did with the 3DS pretty please 🙏

i will never, and i mean this, Ever buy a video game for 80 american dollars. this is a core part of my being. i will not be moved from this position

"ooh ahhh inflation" i wasn't paying full price then either; i learned about emulators and indie games like 20 years ago. Never Pay More Than [adjust this quote for inflation] For A Computer Game

so. um. the good news is we found your boyfriend. the bad news is that, well, we sort of…dug him up…in the middle of a car park. in leicester (buckley et al. 2013). leicester, yeah. sorry. they demolished the friary he was hastily interred in when henry viii dissolved all the monasteries. you know how it is. and as it turns out, well, shakespeare was…sort of right about him. scoliosis, yeah, sorry (appleby et al. 2014). if it makes you feel any better we analysed his bones and it turns out he had a pretty high-protein diet before he died (lamb et al. 2014). and he drank so much wine that it changed their chemical composition, which we didn't know could actually happen before we analysed him (lamb et al. 2014), so he was having a good time, at least. 

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Appleby, J., Mitchell, P.D., Robinson, C., Brough, A., Rutty, G., and Morgan, B. (2014). The scoliosis of Richard III, last Plantagenet King of England: diagnosis and clinical significance. Lancet 383, 1944. 

Buckley, R., Morris, M., Appleby, J., King, T., O’Sullivan, D., and Foxhall, L. (2013). ‘The king in the car park’: new light on the death and burial of Richard III in the Grey Friars church, Leicester, in 1485. Antiquity 87, pp. 519-538. 

Lamb, A.L., Evans, J.E., Buckley, R., and Appleby, J. (2014). Multi-isotope analysis demonstrates significant lifestyle changes in King Richard III. Journal of Archaeological Science 50, pp. 559-565.

puppies can spindash

aquarium advertisments say stuiff like discover the longtooth grouper this friday

I see that, and raise you my local aquarium's advertising.

Vancouver Aquarium has similar ads!

They also have some SERIOUSLY inventive ones:

(High and Low Tide ^)

the only type of advertising that should exist: "ooooohhhh you want to come look at the animal"

Have you ever looked closely at a car windshield?

The edge of the glass is painted where it is glued to the car but it has these small dots between the clear and painted glass.

These are there for a reason. When the sun hits the glass the painted areas and the clear areas will absorb heat at different rates. This causes the glass to expand and contract differently putting stress on the glass.

These dots help the glass to warm up more evenly over a larger area so the glass does not suffer stress that could cause it to spontaneously explode.

Fun fact: the Tesla cybertruck doesn’t have these.

Yes, the glass will spontaneously crack or explode in the sun.

we’ve started regularly saying “Goose is on his wall”