Professional Delusional!

some others i found in the notes

Not really in the same vein, but i wanna add some great ones.

This whole post is my current philosophy

Since this post is in my blog like a tablet with the ten commandments, i guess i will add my tags.

Bilbo barely passed Old Took's record lifespan after having a supernaturally-life-extending ring for 60 years. which begs a question. what the hell did Old Took do

I have a theory that somewhere back up the line gandalf fucked a took. This sounds like complete crack but hear me out. The tooks are rumored to have “fairy blood” which in LOTR terms means either elves or maia. There is an ancestor who’s unusually tall and many of them are noted to live unusually long lives unless they meet with illness or injury, same as the numenorians did. They don’t hve extra pointy ears and elves don’t have a special interest in the line. But who DOES have a special interest in looking after tooks (and bilbo who is a took on his mother’s side/his adopted son frodo)? Gandalf. That dude is ALWAYS fussing over some silly little guy. He regularly brought the old took birthday presents.

Back in the day some bold hobbitess decided to climb that old man and ever since then gandalf has been looking after his line of tiny crazy bastards and no one will convince me otherwise.

Gandalf's attitude towards Pippin just took on a whole new layer.

Receiving a Werther’s Derivative from my poser grandma

Dust bunny

How did I miss that?

You lack my quick wit and fat ass

PHRASE ADDED!

wmata you may want to rethink your phrasing

Two vastly different experiences

@eastgermanhattrick booyeah

sub topping... sub topping my beloved... sub topping save me,,, sub topping..

the world needs more dykes

I keep forgetting that this means lesbian. I instinctively think of dams when I hear this word. Like. Okay yeah. Posts made by beavers I guess.

lesbians can we make this post about beavers for a couple hours every day? like 3-5am or something? i think that would be really cool thank you

I mean, we all know that dykes love beavers

We never really talked about it but The Ugly Ducking that grew up to be a beautiful swan was still probably pretty fugly from a duck’s perspective

Like that story isn’t about an ugly duckling that grew up sexy, it’s a fucking swan was judged as a duck and hated itself as a duck until it found out it wasn’t a duck and stopped trying to be a duck.

The actual ducks in the neighborhood were probably still looking around at perfectly normal swans like “damn, look at those busted ass ducks”

This is pretty important, actually. The good ending is finding the other swans, not tearing yourself to pieces trying to impress the ducks.

i am the loremaster

what da seal doin...

anti-survival horror where you're desperately trying to die but everyone is keeping you alive

hamster simulator

Leaving aside how pathetic it was that Gamergate had to invent a fictional woman to be the face of the movement because they couldn't even stomach paying someone off to rep them, the striking thing about Vivian James as a character is that they couldn't resist trying to position her as the perfect Gamer Girlfriend™, and what they came up with to fulfill that brief was a woman who plays games all the time and has no other interests, but also she only cares about the purely technical and mechanical aspects of the games she plays, to the total exclusion of any narrative or aesthetic considerations, so she'll never have inconvenient opinions or argue with you about anything.

Let me restate for emphasis: their idea of the perfect gamer girlfriend was a woman who is deeply interested in the technical and mechanical dimensions of gameplay design and absolutely nothing else, because this means she'll never argue with you about video games.

Buddy.

But arguing about stupid shit is the best part, and indeed core foundation, of all my relationships!

Well, yes, but aversion to arguments is not the failing I'm gesturing toward. The failing I'm gesturing toward is that they tried to imagine a Perfect Gamer Girlfriend Who Will Never Argue With Me About Anything, and in so doing, proceeded to invent a person who, if she actually existed, would be almost certainly be loudly opinionated about every single game she's ever played.

PRO TIP FOR WOMEN IN STRAIGHT RELATIONSHIPS: tell your boyfriend you think that if he and his male best friend were a couple, he would be the bottom. If he reacts negatively this means he thinks being penetrated is degrading. Then you know to dump him. This is a WIN. DO IT NOW!

Or maybe he doesn’t like receiving anal, which is totally okay?? Dumping your partner over not wanting to be a bottom is a wild take omfg.

From the bottom of my heart this post is completely 100% serious if he doesn’t want to be his best friend’s bottom he doesn’t respect you and you need to break up with him immediately. You need to