no diagnosis
“I think I’m bad at kissing,” Lily complained to Pandora. Something about the blonde girl made her feel like she could be open with her, so she always dropped little things she would have regretted saying to anyone else. And today, when Pandora had found her sitting outside the closed library—Mme. Pince was sick—this was what came out of her mouth.
Pandora looked at her, her eyes wide. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know, it just feels awkward, so then I move away, and then the guy seems to get frustrated and then I feel bad. At best the whole thing is mediocre, and at worst I feel like there’s something profoundly wrong with me.”
Pandora was quiet for a moment. “This might not be a helpful suggestion,” she paused.
“Oh, sorry, not to act like you need to solve this! It’s just me being awkward,” Lily jumped to clarify.
“I want to know what’s going on,” Pandora said gently. Just her voice tickled Lily’s mind, like she was caressed. Weird thought. “You want to show me?”
Lily’s mind went blank. “You mean kiss you?” She looked down at the other girl’s soft pink lips. Somehow that would have felt like cheating the process of whatever the hell kissing was supposed to be like—
She moved a little closer to her.
“We don’t have to,” Pandora reassured her. “But it might give me more information, more insight into what you’re talking about.”
It’s just an academic question, Lily thought, and she stopped herself before she giggled.
Lily moved even closer, their knees touching as they sat together on the floor. “Are you sure this is ok?” she asked Pandora.
“I can put some charms up so no one sees us,” Pandora said. “They probably wouldn’t anyway; I don’t think anyone else wants to come sit outside the library at this hour, but it wouldn’t hurt.” She muttered a few spells.
So they were doing this, then. Lily felt her heart pounding. She didn’t really want Pandora to know what all was wrong with her and why she was bad at kissing, but Pandora ran her fingers over Lily’s lips, and then she didn’t think she could stop—
Their lips touched gently, unhurriedly, Pandora taking her time to explore every new sensation Lily would have rushed towards. It was for science, essentially, Lily reminded herself; they had to feel out every way of doing this. This was different from any other kiss, and Lily, for once, wanted it to go on forever. She held tongue back—she didn’t know if Pandora had signed up for that, but then she felt the other girl’s tongue at her lips and she welcomed it into her mouth.
Lily wasn’t sure how long they were there for—time had no meaning; a lifetime had passed since they started; everything was different; but maybe it was only a minute. Eventually Lily saw Pandora glance down at her watch and saw panic in her face.
“It’s half an hour past curfew!”
“Shit!” Lily exclaimed. “Er, I’m Head Girl—I can walk you back to Ravenclaw Tower?”
The other girl smiled softly. “I’d love that.”
They started walking silently. Midway up the staircase to Ravenclaw, Pandora turned to Lily. “I don’t know what you’re worried about. That was amazing.”
“That was… different…” Lily explained, “than the other times.”
They were in front of the door to Ravenclaw tower. “Different in the best way.”
Pandora’s lips parted in a grin, and then she pulled Lily into a corner by the door. “This ok?” she asked.
Pandora kissed her again. “Good night.”