Someday a Turtle Will Learn How to Fly

Yeah Mr. Darcy’s proposal was a complete turd and a half but you gotta understand. You got your life together. A good career, stable income, retirement plan, all that shit together. And you meet this girl. And she’s everything. Clever, outspoken, funny, calls you on your bullshit. Grade A cutie, right? And she doesn’t go out of her way to spend time with you but she’s nice, and sometimes you catch her looking your way in a way that makes you think you might have a shot.

But her family. Holy shit.

First off, it’s p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then you’re financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever

Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already you’re accepting that if all goes well, you’re gonna be one random old bag’s retirement home. That’s expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.

And girly’s other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, and she’s getting engaged so she probably won’t be an issue, but that still leaves two more, and those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like it’s toilet paper

And while one of ‘em’s young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedo’ing her entire family’s reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. She’s never gonna work, she can’t build connections, she’s a fucking sinkhole, and she’s being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit who’s been bleeding you dry while telling anyone who’ll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.

And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- you’ve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW she’s gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and it’s not like you can lock her in the basement or something, you’re gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. She’s not even good to TALK to. FUCK

And you’re looking at this girl’s father like “please for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their résumé, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the grave” and that old man just laughs like “haha yeah, what can you do. lol”

So you’re looking to the mom and finally it’s making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is you’re starting to realize she’s the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like they’re a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE

And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it she’s still the most radiant thing you’ve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, you’ll do it. You’ll shoot your shot. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted in anybody abut it’s not even just about that anymore, it’s about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesn’t like you all that much she’s still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing it’s about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesn’t LOVE you at least you’ll know she’s well and cared for

And so you’ll do it. You’ll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, you’ll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and you’ll make your own family deal with it too, you’ll do it, you’ll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker

And so you go to this chick like “look. Your whole family’s a shitshow. You’ve got fucking nothing and you’re gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I don’t get it either- I’ve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didn’t, but I did, so I’m telling you that whether you like me or not, I’ll give you everything. I’ll give you everything even if it’s the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, I’ll marry you.”

And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes “The fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?”

And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth And yeah

Yeah, I think I kinda get it

WAIT FOR ME (REPRISE)

Gwendoline Christie as Lorne - Severance 2x10 / Cold Harbor

When a fic doesn’t fit my head canons but it’s well-written

#he wouldn't fucking say that but i'm getting kind of attached to the guy you invented who did say that

Galadriel, Legendary Elven Warrior

Absolutely love TRoP Galadriel. Fight me. (And yes she is VERY lore, actually)

i like to think that eowyn and arwen would be besties

They would bond over the sentiment "Gondorians are weird," albeit coming at it from two different directions. Arwen would help Éowyn hone her Sindarin and archery skills. Éowyn would teach Arwen all the best human swears.

Dunnottar Castle, Stonehaven, Aberdeenshire, Scotland

This is the most castley castle I have ever seen, more castles need to be atop windswept rocks

I mean, talk about finding a defensible spot.

Saw two different posts today about specific tumblr turns of phrase working their way into the everyday userbase lexicon, and this got me thinking. Surely the Noldor, renowned linguistic innovators, would be all over this phenomenon and readily adopt new, fun phrases into their vocabulary?

And that got me thinking further that Fëanor, celebrity linguist, would have a lot of people paying attention to everything he said? And there are a few notable phrases of his on the record, but I think the most well known is "get thee gone from my gate, thou jail-crow of Mandos".

Where I'm going with this is that the Noldor would have been all over these notable Fëanor quotes, and it probably took about five hours for "jail-crow" to enter the common vocabulary of the people, being gleefully applied to anyone who shows up uninvited where they're not wanted, trying to cause trouble.

#‘average noldo invents 3 new phrases per year’ factoid actually just statistical error.#average noldo invents 0 new phrases per year.#linguistics fëanor‚ who lives in formenos and invents 10000 new phrases per year‚ is an outlier adn should not have been counted

Extra tumblr points for holding on to the original typo!

VERY important to me that people are aware “jail” and “Mandos” are very nearly the same word in Quenya, and therefore it seems likely that “jail-crow of Mandos” was one word, and a pun.

The more I see/learn of Quenya, the more I think it's a language where almost everything has a double meaning, which is such a fun and interesting linguistic feature and would also make you VERY CAREFUL and deliberate about word choice.

Maggie Smith as the fairy queen Titania, “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” (1977)

via @swatercolor [insta]

This is the best tag I've ever received on a post, I think

My fellow Americans, act accordingly.

I adore Charlie's attention to detail with Sauron's mannerisms, and I particularly love his angry finger wiggle.

It shows that Charlie really thinks through Sauron's mannerisms. On the surface, it's kind of a cute, funny little mannerism, but if you think about it, it has a much deeper, darker implication.

Why? Because when we see Sauron using magic, particularly in Season 2, it's often by flicking his fingers or twisting his hands.

We see it most obviously when he uses his hands to control the elven guards and force them to kill each other. We also see it when he flicks his fingers to throw Mirdania off the wall.

With that in mind, it seems obvious what the "angry finger wiggle" really is. He wants to use magic. He wants to literally blast apart his surroundings and kill everyone in his path. He's doing everything to control himself to not let loose his magic, and it manifests as the little finger wiggle.

The nuances in his performance...the small eye twitches, the glances, the flavor of smile...said it before and will again: if this guy doesn't get awards I will be BIG 👏🏻👏🏻 MAD 👏🏻👏🏻 (to be quite clear, same goes for Charles Edwards!)

The Snake River and canyon near Twin Falls, Idaho 

#look driving over the snake river was a deeply comical moment during our first family road trip#I was driving and my dad was riding shotgun with the American atlas out as we’re picking our way through Idaho#I’d been driving through flat farm country and sod fields for hours#I see a slight change up in the road ahead but nothing really looks different there’s just rails next to the road#dad is scoping out the route ahead and says ‘huh I think we’re coming up on the snake river’ and just like that the *ground disappears*#there is no warning or change in geography we just go over this bridge and suddenly we’re looking down over this enormous river gorge#I am all ‘no SHIT dad holy moly holy smokes LOOK at this we are stopping I am pulling this bitch over’

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trop elves from well over a year ago, mostly so i could try out new brushes.

I’m having a normal one