Mandy, Wondering...

Juat your average trans couple cuddling in bed when suddenly this happens.

Adding this because it seems worth adding:

Thanks @lakritzwolf and @stabbyflower for asking questions and finding answers.

guy who has sworn to become the disciple of the first person who can beat him getting absolutely decked by a goose and falling to his knees begging the goose to accept him as a disciple

the goose does not acknowledge his discipleship so he follows it for ten days and begs it every day

the guy does manage to become its disciple eventually and between one thing and another master bai e’s Pissed-Off Goose Style becomes famous throughout the jianghu, and the guy ends up with a number of disciples of his own. but all these second-generation disciples have to come to terms with the fact that their venerable shizu was a man of few words. specifically one word: SKWONK

[ID: a four panel comic done in pencil. in the first panel, the character, a young qing dynasty man, smiles and says “we make quite a team, huh Sifu?” in the second, he looks to the side and says “Sifu?” in the third, he looks up in alarm and sees a flock of geese flying overhead. in the fourth, he falls to his knees and shouts “sifu!” /end ID]

Its probably funnier if Bai’e Shifu is just a normal goose, but also…

Disciple: my master is no longer with us ;n; he is in ;n; a better place…

Person: oh no im sorry to hear he died

Disciple: what no he’s not dead he’s in southern india overwintering

@elodieunderglass

horrible geese are everywhere

They are!

imagine being the guy trying to rob a pharmacy or something on Halloween in Metropolis and you shove a gun in the pharmacist's face, demand cash, and scare the shit out of everyone standing in line. except for one man dressed in a Superman costume, who's been patiently waiting between two other Supermen and whose costume, upon closer examination, is really detailed.

"Nice costume," the robber sneers when the Superman tries to convince him to put down the gun and leave. "Get the fuck out of my face. You think putting on some tights makes you some kinda superhero?"

"Thanks," the Superman says, with a sunny, genuine smile. "But it's not a costume."

A hand reaches out, two fingers gently tipping the barrel of the gun toward the floor. Up close, the fabric of his uniform sleeve ripples under the lights, made up of a thousand tiny scales.

"Hey Bill?" Superman asks, voice pitched low. "Do me a favor, yeah? Put the gun down before someone gets hurt."

Vent art

bottom text

There are many benefits to being a marine biologist

By this point Loch Ness is probably the inland body of water we can be most sure doesn't have a monster in it.

Did a nicer version of this doodle—something nobody wanted or asked for—however I simply must obey such cursed whims as these due to who I am as a person 🐟

@elodieunderglass I personally find him very wonderful but...

Absolutely lovely!

baby i’ve got half finished wips you couldn’t even imagine

everytime I remember that lesbian couple that have a marble statue of the two of them embracing and sleeping on a bed together over where their graves will be because the artists didn’t believe they would be able to be married before they died, so what they couldn’t have in life they could have in death, I fucking breakdown

memorial to a marriage; patricia cronin

- Caitlin Doughty, on the Death in the Afternoon podcast

For those curious:

Here’s the real-life couple in 2019 💖

happy 20th anniversary (nov 3, 2002) to patricia cronin’s marble sculpture that furthered art, advocacy, and lesbian breakdowns everywhere

crossfaded on a pastry + a little drinky drink

this is literally me

idea: the joker, compelled even against his own interests to do whatever he thinks would be funniest. the joker may be a sadist with a really shitty sense of humor but even he knows a high-quality punchline when he sees one. his obsession with batman is rooted in batman’s unfailing ability to trick the joker into a better gag that gets him captured. the joker gets chased into a room with plenty of really great hiding places and escape routes, but also a slender pole in the middle of the room. he has to hide behind the fucking pole. he’s gotta. how can he not go for the hiding behind a pole gag. there’s three doors but there’s also a joker-shaped hole in the wall that will make it look like he broke through the wall. it’s a four-story drop into a bakery dumpster full of pies. the joker is obsessed with batman because deep in his heart he knows that batman is actually funnier than he is but instead he spends his time standing on rooftops in the rain being a stoic piece of shit. the joker is salieri, and batman is a mozart that decided to go into carpentry.

sorry to reblog this old jokepost with fanfiction chat but it’s my post and i do what i want

i am aware that recent therapyspeak joker developments may seem at odds with this but i need to explain to you my vision

first you need to understand that debate bro funnyman joker is also a good foil for batman. the guy who wants you to argue with him in earnest so he can say all the right things to sound like he’s not just an asshole, throwing keywords at you a mile a minute. the guy who can pivot when you make a good point and say you’re actually the idiot for arguing with a clown. that guy. right? meanwhile batman is the world’s greatest detective and that’s what makes him annoying. a good joker thinks he’s smarter than everyone else. he is begging at all times for someone to give him an excuse to pontificate on how society is the real sickness or whatever the fuck. people say he wants to make batman laugh but i think it’s better if he wants batman, a guy who makes deductions using facts and logic, to try to engage with him as an intellectual equal.

because the thing about batman is that it’s a ridiculous concept that forces everyone around him to play the straight man. there is a man here with pointy ears and everyone just has to engage seriously with that fact. can you imagine how much the joker seethes about this. he can never be more ridiculous than batman and the fact that batman has succeeded in making everyone engage with this seriously means the joker lost before he started.

but most importantly batman can just fucking deck his ass

batman is a very intelligent man who has decided that some people just need to get punched in the face sometimes. and aside from the fact that you cannot debate a fist, it is always and consistently extremely funny. it is funny the way indiana jones shooting the swordsman was funny. or it’s funny the way a comedy jumpscare is funny. or it’s funny like a running joke is funny. there is never a time when punching a self-important clown isn’t funny. the joker is doing his damnedest to find a better punchline than literally getting punched but good fucking luck.

Scifi writer fear: readers who like to do more math than you do

Writer: Okay so this seems like an appropriate size for this room, given its function and the drama needed for the scene...

Readers: Perfect! we were told 3 chapters back that this room is 'the average room size for a spaceship of this type', meaning that we can use this size information to back-calculate the volume of the spaceship, adjust for the stated 0.9atm air pressure... and then looking at the required air cycling rate for humans... we can see that the air purification system briefly described in chapter 6 when they were replacing air filters would be impossible for this spaceship!

Tumblr ask 6 months later: It was really clever how you used the size of the rooms and the air filter system to hint that the ceilings of all the rooms were very very low and thus let the audience deduce that humans in the future are much shorter than humans today! That's a great little nod to the 'humans have gotten taller over time' thing that people like to say, and really subtle, since people who hadn't done the math on the room volume would never see it!

Writer: ... Yes. That was... very clever... of me... to do.

Everyone in the comments saying "never give actual numbers": I'm afraid that if you write a story about someone who intended to wake up on a new planet instead waking up alone on a broken spaceship to that planet with the crew all mysteriously dead, questions like "how long was I asleep", "how long until we arrive" and "when do I need to start decelerating the ship if we want to reach our destination instead of drifting off into space forever at near-lightspeed" are in fact going to be on their mind and it is simply not realistic to have them never ask these questions. There are many stories that simply do not work if you never give any approximate numbers, especially if you're writing something with a mystery element.

If your character is desperately trying to get information of an invading army to the elf queen via horseback, it does in fact matter whether they're a few days from the palace, or a couple of weeks from the palace, or half a season from the palace. Because the enemy is going to advance their plans a different amount in that period of time. If your shipmates on the isolated spaceship with all the communications cut off are being killed one by one by the monster, it does matter how many shipmates you have; if you're communicating via radio to another planet or ship in space in a time sensitive situation, it does matter approximately how far away the planet is because a few seconds of message delay won't matter but if they're several light minutes away then that time delay is going to factor into the situation.

I'm sorry but sometimes readers do want to now things like "approximately how big a room is" (has the main character walked into a bedroom or an auditorium?) or "how high the ceiling is" (the character needs to climb a ladder to change the air filters up there, and survives a fall from said ladder? They're injured but not surprised to have survived? Okay, that gives us a probable height range). Your story cannot take place in a vague stew where no sizes, volumes or time periods are ever indicated because these things affect the reasonable options that the characters have available.

lately my kids have been playing Baby Knife, which consists of somebody acting as a baby with knife hands chasing people while going "baby knife baby knife" over and over. is this a thing or are they just insane

we have a new teacher this year who has never had kindergarten before & she rounded em all up & told em No Baby Knife and No Zombies and idk how to tell her that 1. all kindergarten recess games boil down to Give Birth And Kill Each Other and 2. the absurd vaguely inappropriate games they make up are usually better than when they try to play an Actual game like soccer

Baby Knife is straightforward. theres a baby knife. baby knife chases you. thats about it. when they try to play Real Sports every single child is playing by a different set of rules unbeknownst to the others and none of them are playing by the Actual rules. everybody is mad at everybody else and running up to tell on their colleagues for cheating every 3 minutes. this doesnt happen when they play Baby Knife

if no one's said it, it's normal. It's just Tag with flavor. Tag is boring so you gotta add imagination.

Our baby knife as kids was Raptor Tag. Raptors hunt in packs so the person who was "it" had to run around pretending to be a velociraptor and to tag people they had to actually tackle them and "eat" them for 5 full seconds (others could come to the rescue and save them in that time, but risked getting eaten too or instead if the raptor switched targets). Eaten players then became raptors, until the whole pack was teamwork-hunting the last wily or lucky kid. There were no winning survivors- the game was won as a group once everyone was a raptor.

Baaaaaaaby knife, doo doo doodoo doodoo!

Baby knife, doo doo doodoo doodoo!

Baby knife, doo doo doodoo doodoo!

Baby knife!

ummm.no

A belated Little Penguin for March 9! (I can't believe they're called Little Penguins. Somehow that's even cuter than Blue Fairy Penguin. Just Little!! Penguin!! that's them they're the little ones!)

THEY BURROW DID YOU KNOW THAT?? IN THE BEACH?? please go look up Blue Fairy Penguins, you will not regret it !!

atla just so happened to write one of the most insane and complex brother sister relationships in all of television, and yet for some reason everyone focused on zuko and azula instead, even though they are basically just normal siblings, and as such not even that interesting ..

their dynamic is more fraught and tragic than you could ever comprehend……

this☝️ is just a typical sibling interaction

this post never should’ve blown up none of you understand what i am alluding to here -_-