Bilbo barely passed Old Took's record lifespan after having a supernaturally-life-extending ring for 60 years. which begs a question. what the hell did Old Took do

I have a theory that somewhere back up the line gandalf fucked a took. This sounds like complete crack but hear me out. The tooks are rumored to have “fairy blood” which in LOTR terms means either elves or maia. There is an ancestor who’s unusually tall and many of them are noted to live unusually long lives unless they meet with illness or injury, same as the numenorians did. They don’t hve extra pointy ears and elves don’t have a special interest in the line. But who DOES have a special interest in looking after tooks (and bilbo who is a took on his mother’s side/his adopted son frodo)? Gandalf. That dude is ALWAYS fussing over some silly little guy. He regularly brought the old took birthday presents.

Back in the day some bold hobbitess decided to climb that old man and ever since then gandalf has been looking after his line of tiny crazy bastards and no one will convince me otherwise.

Gandalf's attitude towards Pippin just took on a whole new layer.

biggest reason i make so many flop posts on here is because everything i do reeks of the desperation to make a popular tumblr post. this is deliberate, because it is what protects me from ACTUALLY making a popular tumblr post. so long as i crave it, tumblr fame will never find me. it is only when i turn away, and accept my fate of obscurity, that people will lay their eyes upon me. and it WILL be because i tripped and fell on my stupid face while i was turning

time for people to do the funniest thing ever

Do not.

lets settle this properly

I have a theory

#A burger is the patty #veggie and turkey burgers have the patty consistency #a fried chicken breast is not a patty #therefore it's not a burger #you can have a chicken burger #but the chicken must be in ground patty form #This has been An American's Guide To Burgers (via @heartbranches)

obviously im of the belief that labelling food abd the ingredients it contains as clearly as possible is really good practice, and i highly approve of it

but the specific sense of comedy thats invoked in you when you look at a dish that is almost entirely a certain ingredient and theres a little sign next to it that reads “THIS ITEM CONTAINS [INGREDIENT]” is something that cannot be ignored

little sign next to a tray of salmon fillets: THIS ITEM CONTAINS FISH

me, under my breath: yeah brother i sure hope it does

DRY ROASTED UNSALTED PEANUTS.

INGREDIENTS: PEANUTS.

CONTAINS: PEANUTS.

WARNING: THIS PRODUCT IS PROCESSED IN A FACILITY THAT ALSO PROCESSES PEANUTS.

in the opposite direction is when you have no reason to believe x food would contain y and there’s a big thing saying “this item contains no y” like

save the best for last

Happy 23rd anniversary! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

Clark: I’m in pain,,

Krypto: DID YOU SAY PLAY!??

The more empathetic and kind men I meet, actually, the MORE I hate bad men. It’s like I’ve seen it proven you don’t have to act this way — I know for a fact that it’s not coded into your biology to disrespect women or be aggressive or be emotionally stunted — you’re literally just a shithead.

Every good dad I meet is just another enormous fuck you to bad, absent, and apathetic dads.

Yes yes yes!! This is a great way to reframe (part of) the harm done by “all men are trash” radfem ideology. Low standards just excuse shitty behavior. You can set high standards, and have those standards met, and hold to account the men who don’t meet those standards.

OH MY WORD THAT’S BRILLIANT

Hi !!!!! :D Motivation to draw a fully painted illustration randomly came to me today so I spent all day on it XD I missed making illustrations like this ! I wanted to give it my all for this one and now I'm exhausted XD

I know I doodled very few requests, sorry :') I haven't been motivated to draw these past few days. I think part of the reason I couldn't draw is because I just finished my art projects that I've been working on for months and yeah I'm pretty much exhausted. I think I need time to adjust and when I feel I can do it, I'll draw more requests !

NO FUCKIN WAY

watching Seven Samurai

i wonder how many they'll need

i hesitate even to speculate

Im at work and nobody knows that im painting Doris from Shrek in Pre-Raphaelite style on my ipad.

In case anyone thought I was lying, here is the proof!

My reference was Hanging the Mistletoe by Dante Gabriel Rossetti (Its hard to match with their skill but that lady reminded me of Doris very much)

@unpretty

it’s DIRT

unmute for comically aggrieved farmer

reblogging for the second time because I still laugh uncontrollably. in my mind the cows are trying to be gracious about their strange gift. ‘yes we love it thank u’

@diseonfire future?

I know I literally  just reblogged this but I love this video so much it always makes me laugh because

1. “LADIES”

2. The very disappointed “Eclair…”

3. “WHAT?” (High pitched mooing in response)

4. The way they turn into Pleakley from Lilo and Stitch as they get progressively more frustrated