ready to burn in hell

i don’t think sex on tv is appropriate unless you see the cock otherwise it’s manipulating the viewer and basically gaslighting the audience

What about violence in movies?

glad you asked. they also have to show cock.

me as a 14th century knight: this sucks i'm gonna fms (translator's note: fall on my sword)

Alternatively: fuck my squire

[remembers falling on my sword jokes negatively impact my knight's oath] ...fuck my squire

asbestos-free cornflakes

I actually know this one!

There's a traditional coconut farming technique in Thailand where they send monkeys into the trees to pick the coconuts. This is like a traditional centuries old thing that doesn't hurt the monkeys at all. Since Thailand is in asia, animal rights groups have been focusing on it the last few years as some kind of issue even though if a monkey doesn't want to do something there's nothing you can really do to make it do that because it's a monkey.

Nonetheless racist "animal rights" groups go around discussing it as though it's slavery or a labour rights issue. Personally I think they're being paid by people who get coconuts some other way but I can't prove anything.

Anyway, it's basically MSG again in that it catches on because of anti-asian stereotyping and none of the allegations are true or really even make sense when you look at them. Animal labour in agriculture is really well-established. That's where we get the term "horsepower". Because horses were doing the. The power. But there are no monkeys in Europe so Europeans didn't do that so it's an evil rights issue.

We domesticate animals and use them for labour. Big if true.

We domesticate

animals and use them for

labour. Big if true.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

Like. As far as I can tell the monkeys in question are macaques, which... Yeah you're not getting a macaque, the monkey known primarily for attacking humans, to do anything it doesn't want to do, especially through violence. They use violence to establish dominance and that's a battle the macaque will always win. This npr article says every couple of trees the monkeys get inspected for ants and a little massage, and every other link in the search I did was from PETA, so. Yeah pretty sure the monkeys are fine.

not to brag but im wanted by some very important organizations

Reblog to make it die faster

Like to charge, reblog to cast.

Harry & padfoot <3

Chalk is squids road.

Happy Send Me On My Way Sunday

he’s on his way

reblog to give your headache to elon musk instead

I’d just like to point out the growth in this post has mostly coincided with elon’s public spiral downward and I’d like to think we’re all a small part of that

bro can’t think because he’s just got a rager of a migraine 24/7

yes I would like to give elon musk my menstrual pain. I think he deserves it

Reblog to also give Elon Musk your menstrual pain.

ⓘ A sewing machine is a device that provides a several-fold increase of the speed at which you can make mistakes

if parks and rec was still being made they’d do a bit where ron swanson has to wear a pronouns name tag and it’d just be “???/???” And it’d cut to a talking head of him going

“I’ve been a fool all this time. It’s bad enough the government knows my name, but now they want to know my gender? So I’m not letting them know my preferred pronouns. As far as I’m concerned, no one in this building should refer to me at all.”

Ron walks into the main area of the office like “Everyone, announcement! I notice that you have been referring to me with he/him pronouns for YEARS. As I do not think the government has any business knowing my personal information, this behavior may incline them to make conclusions that they have no business even thinking about. Therefore, I request that you switch it up from now on. Keep em guessing. That is all.”

He tries to turn around and walk back into his office, but Leslie starts crying and saying Supportive Things about how proud she is to see him exploring his gender and immediately switches to they/them; she instructs Ben and Ann to do the same. Donna and Chris go for she/her, for different reasons.

Tom assures Ron that he will use only the slickest, coolest, dopest designer pronouns; he sweeps in the next day and announces that he's put together a powerpoint of the most stylish and fashionable neopronouns to come out of Milan this season. The powerpoint includes the scarf, cologne and sunglasses that pair best with each option. Jerry is the only one to attend this presentation, which leaves him even more Big Confused about the whole thing than he already was. In Jerry's efforts to clumsily be an ally, he keeps accidentally "misgendering" Ron four different times in four different ways in every interaction and apologizing elaborately for every single mistake, thereby inadvertently doing the best job out of any of them at fulfilling the brief.

Andy does not know what a pronoun is, but in the spirit of himbo helpfulness, he's made a list of Words that he knows Ron likes, such as "sandwich", "woodworking", and "bacon". (Ron snatches it, tears it up, throws it in the trash, and sets the trash basket on fire, and firmly instructs Andy to never again mention anything that Ron likes while inside a government building.)

April, of course, keeps using he/him until Ron calls her into his office to re-explain the strategy of Operation: Muddy The Waters, whereupon she blinks owlishly at him and says, "I mean, isn't that just what they'd expect you to do if you were trying to hide something from the government? If you exclude one pronoun, then they know that's the one you care about. You have to double-bluff them." Ron squints at her for a long moment and says flatly, "Hm. Go back to your desk." The camera stays on Ron watching her through his window as his voiceover says, "April is a valuable employee. I look forward to one day when she leaves this hellhole and uses her strategic genius and insider knowledge to tear down the government."

the classic Finnish mix of extreme dutifulness and “we will make actual conversation after a silent interaction trial period of 6 weeks, thank you” can be really funny sometimes. told my coworker that I’d like to save the coffee grounds the workplace generated and take them home “for my mushrooms and worms” and she was just like “okei” and dutifully saved every single grounds-filled filter for weeks and weeks. about five weeks into this whole thing, after I thank her for the coffee grounds and tell her my worms must love them because they’re breeding very enthusiastically, she finally asks “so your worms… do they have a purpose or are they just… worms”. like sure I’ll save you all these coffee grounds every single time I drink coffee, 3+ times a day, but god forbid I inquire about your specific worm habits before propriety allows it. you could be eating them for breakfast for all I know but that’s your business

this post has been up for so long I’m at a new workplace now, and here’s a new one: someone finally getting a close enough look at the jar of homemade nut butter I’d been using to make snacks for days (in a reused jar, still with the pesto label on it), realising the contents were not as advertised, and saying with poorly concealed relief “ai!!! you weren’t spreading pesto on bananas!” like she’d been quietly dying inside the whole time but had grimly committed herself to never ever presuming to ask wtf was going on

#I mentioned to a coworker how my friend had mailed me some goldfish and I was so excited to eat them#and she labored under the misapprehension for days that I was consuming actual real fish mailed all the way from America#before one day I brought some for lunch and she was like ohhh these are crackers!!

congrats, this is so cursed and the best addition someone has made to this post

#i’m not gonna lie i feel like a lot of people online could do with a dose of this type of finnishness #y'know. the ‘i have no idea what you’re doing and it seems really weird but it’s not my business to pry and also you do you’ attitude

no sentence fills me with utter loathing so much as "i asked chatgpt"

Bird Killian, for the Will Smith pigeon movie fans. All three of you. Loosely based on the Australian crested pigeon.

Have an electrician over today & he comes through from the kitchen like 'i was looking at that poster on your wall wondering how I hadn't heard of the movie so I googled it. What is the point. Is it just there to catch people out.' And I'm like, well,

Well,