Pinned
Hey people, i'm doing tarot readings for 1 dollar. These are readings of general situations with the poker deck, with a view to the near and distant future
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Why did you become Robin?
Dick: trauma, murdered parents, too much energy and a natural entertainer to boot
Jason: trauma, abusive family, strong sense of justice, desire to protect neighborhood and those most vulnerable
Damian: trauma, abusive family, birthright, assassin background, desire to prove himself
Stephanie: trauma, abusive family, rebellion, desire to prove herself, seemed fun
Tim: just kinda nosey and bored tbh
Reblogged miggylol
this girl at uni was dressed sooo gay and then i found out she's just straight with a lesbian mom. dykebaiting is not a victimless crime 😔
date her mom ?
date her mom
date her mom
Return my beacon to Mount Kilkreath
date her mom
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Dick : I'm divorcing you
Barb : ...I didn't know we were married?
Dick : we aren't. I'm just trying to play out a drama. Feels right..at my age I should be going through something like this.
Barb :..uh..alright? I'm taking half of evreything.
Dick :..shit..wait I'm getting a lawyer. DUKE BE MY LAWYER
Duke : uhhh okay, what do you want to keep??
Dick : my apartment! Oh and all of my suits!
Barb : hmmm fine. I however, want a bit of his real estate, and-
Dick : OH AND I WANT CUSTODY!
Barb :....
Duke :....
Barb : ..of who?..
Dick : jason and damian. I'm keeping them.
Jason & damian entering the room,
Jason : what.
Damian : since when are you our father, grayson.
Barb : fine, take them, I want visiting rights with jason tho.
Jason : I'm 19?! There's no custody over me-
Damian : should we be concerned?!
Dick : I want full custody!-
Duke : let's calm down
barb : ILL BE MY OWN LAWYER, AND I DEMANDS FULL CUSTODY ASWELL!
Bruce : ...I thought these were my kids..and since when are Barbara and dick married..? And why are they divorcing...?
Cass, just as confused as bruce, meanwhiles steph films this to sent it to evreyone.
It came to a 50/50 custody agreement.
The only ones who didn't agree? Damian and jason.
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Idk if anyone else remembers, but Batman canonically carries around Bat-cookies according to the Batman/Scooby-Doo crossover.
I LOVE to think Batman carries them around as snacks for Robin. I love it even more to think he uses said cookies to bribe Robin into good behavior in a similar fashion to Scooby Snacks.
Little Dick Grayson: I don't wanna go to some stupid Gala! U can't make me!
Bruce, in desperation: would u do it for a bat-cookie?
Dick: woah! Bat-shaped! Cool!
Bruce: andddd you can have another one after the party
Dick, mouth full of cookie: okay :)
Bruce, internally: thank fuck a parenting hack that works
Batman: stop! Don't kill him!
Red Hood: and why do I give a fuck what you-
Batman: would u spare his life for a Bat-cookie?
Red Hood:
Red Hood: I'm not a kid anymore-
Batman: they're fresh, look, still warm
Red Hood: ...
Red Hood: this works ONCE. This ONE time. Gimme that damn cookie.
Batman: of course
Red Hood: Fuck I've missed these what the hell does Alfred put in em
Bruce: go to sleep, Tim
Tim: I'm almost done-
Bruce: go to sleep now and you can have a bat-cookie
Tim: a what?
Bruce: a bat-cookie. See? Here, first taste is free. Try it.
Tim: bribery? Really?
Bruce: positive reinforcement
Tim: giving me treats like I'm some kind of dog?
Bruce: try it and then we'll debate the ethics
Tim [eats cookie]:
Tim:
Tim: okay
Bruce: Okay?
Tim: if I promise to sleep a full 8 hours I want two more and a glass of milk
Bruce: u drive a hard bargain but I accept
Dick: aw, c'mon, Damian. One picture. For me, to remember your first day of high school. Do it for a bat-cookie?
Damian: -tt- I've heard of these so-called "bat-cookies" Insulting. I am not a child. I refuse to participate in such an asinine tradition.
Dick: shame. Alfred made animal-friendly ones so you can share with Ace and Batcow. I guess they don't get any treats either, then
Damian: well
Damian: since it would please you so very much, I will overlook this patronizing lapse in judgment
Damian [tries one bite of cookie]:
Damian:
Damian: given Batcows higher food intake requirements, I will require at least a dozen.
Damian [takes another bite]: perhaps two dozen
Duke: you agree I did a good job today?
Bruce: yes? I suppose. Earlier, when you stopped that-
Duke: shut it. Don't care. Cookie me.
Bruce: excuse me?
Duke: I know about the cookies, old man. You've been holding out on me. The cat's out of the bag. I did a good job, I get a cookie. That's how it works, right?
Bruce: uh well
Bruce: that was a long time ago
Bruce: i had to discontinue that method after-
Duke: are you saying I'm not a valid member of this family because I was never Robin?
Bruce: of course you are! But I don't have any on me-
Duke: don't. Lie. To. Me.
Bruce: Okay! Okay. You're right, I'm sorry. Here, take it. Just... do me a favor, and don't go announcing to the whole cave you got-
Duke: YES. MY FIRST BAT-COOKIE! SCORE!
Every batmember in the vicinity: BAT-COOKIES ARE BACK????
Bruce: NO! stay back! Stay back you animals! Alfred! Alfred! It's happening again-
Alfred, sighing: I'll preheat the oven, sir
Reblogged yjcorefourenjoyer
Damian: I'm gonna kick your ass tomorrow.
Tim: Please, you couldn't reach my ass to kick it.
Reblogged yjcorefourenjoyer
Just found out this old sketch. They are so dear to me.
Reblogged jeannefostergoriot
it. it ends in 50 years…..horse is fucking eternal
Let’s keep the post circulating for 50 years it’ll be great when we’re all in the old folks home
I wanna frame the final results on my wall
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Duke and Jason have been banned from being anywhere near each other in costume because the arguments they will break out into is both too intense and too distracting for patrol. Everyone thinks they're serious but after the first 10-20 times they do it for the love of the game.
Duke: Shut the fuck up.
Jason: You shut the fuck up.
Duke: Zombie
Jason: Flashlight
Duke: That's why the joker still alive
Jason: That's why the joker did what he did to ya mom.
Duke: Nigga where ya mom at? Dea—
Bruce over the comms who, along with the entire bat family has been listening to entire thing: Signal, Red Hood! SPERATE! NOW!
They are now giggling as dick and cass drag them apart.
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Bruce going to the park and realizing he has an extra kid
Bruce: hey boys, come get some cupcakes! *opening the package he bought earlier at the store* here, Dick, I know you like chocolate—here, Jason, that’s funfetti, here, Kid, this one’s—wait
Dick, Jason, and Kid: *stare up at him innocently*
Bruce: *slowly relinquishes the cupcake to Kid* uh . . . Who is this?
Jason: *nonchalantly* oh, this is Tim. Our brother.
Bruce: *chokes, immediately wondering if he somehow missed that Jason or Dick had a brother* your what—
Jason: our brother?
Bruce: *coughs* that’s what I thought you said, but that doesn’t clear anything u-
Tim: *adorably* mister? Are you their dad?
Jason: yeah, he is.
Tim: *hugs Bruce*
Bruce:
Bruce: *looks to Dick and narrows his eyes, still holding into Tim* you Planned This, you little demon
Dick: oh absolutely *fist bumps Jason*
Jason: so can we keep him?
Bruce: he’s a child, not a dog-
Tim: *still hugging Bruce* mister, this cupcake is delicious! I don’t get any sweets at home, mama says it’ll make me too fat for the press
Bruce: *immediately* nope, he’s ours now