self-care phrases to boost your confidence

i would trust weird al with my drink at a party. granted he may put one of those capsules that expands into a sponge animal in it,

sorry i had a vision and i just had to draw it

TIL the reason you don’t find much Lyme’s Disease in California is not because we don’t have Ticks, or Lyme Disease Vectors; but rather: because the Western Fence Lizard (if you live anywhere in California this is your regular Garden Variety Lizard) has adapted a passive immune response that makes their blood lethal to Lyme Disease Bacteria. Any Tick that feeds on one gets its gut cleansed of Lyme Disease as a side effect.

Fucking neat.

There is a new vaccine going into Phase 3 trials from Valneva and Pfizer as well as a monoclonal antibody-based prophylactic treatment being researched at UMass!

I’ve never had a reheading go this horribly before. I’d say I’m pretty good at beheading- I may have broken a neck once or twice, but never any parts I actually liked or intended on keeping, and usually a reheading is the easiest thing, right? Just a little squish and a pop and done, a complete person. But this time it just- it just won’t go back on the body?? Which is incredibly frustrating but also, like, why??

And the funniest thing is, I’m not even swapping a head!! This is a curvy dancer head going onto a curvy dancer body!! They match!! This should have been so simple!! But no, this head’s just flopping around like a limp flaccid idiot and my hands are all red and sore now but the head just isn’t attaching all the way!!

Today I did six beheadings and two other reheadings, and I wanted to get this one attached so I could take a picture, but somehow it just isn’t working!! The head is just getting squished around but isn’t stretching over the neck right!! And I’m way too lazy to go and boil the head just to make the slip easier!! And I don’t wanna keep forcing it cuz I might break something but this is!! So frustrating!!

Like, what could I possibly be doing wrong!! Fuck!!

I boiled the head and it popped right onto the neck in like two seconds.

I’m an idiot. Always do things the proper way from the get-go. Saves a lot of wasted time and struggle and ouchy hands.

BARBIES. I’M TALKING ABOUT BARBIES. I AM CUSTOMIZING TOYS RIGHT NOW I AM NOT A SERIAL KILLER AND I HAVE NEVER BEHEADED AN ACTUAL REAL LIFE HUMAN BEING OR TRIED TO REATTACH A PERSON’S HEAD BY BOILING IT

This might be the best creepypasta I’ve ever seen

I think HP (printer company) and every facet of it should die in a fire. I think we should explode them and never look back. I think printers should be able to print without a seperate app and window to confirm an account and a seperate subscription to get ink that only works half the time it can work and NO GOOD FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS FOR WHEN ALL THIS BULLSHIT BRICKS ITSELF.

This coming from someone who's worked side by side with this printer for over two years. And today it was just Offline. Wouldn't reconnect. And all HP Support had to offer was "uninstall the hp smart app and unplug your printer and router and then plug them back in and re download the app and reinstate this printer as one you have" BUT NOTHING FOR JUST RECONNECTING THE WIFI. WHY CANT IT JUST HAVE A MENU FOR WIFI CONNECTIONS. WHY DO I HAVE TO UNINSTALL SHIT TO DO BASIC WORK. I WANNA KILL. IVE DONE EVERY STEP AND ITS STILL NOT CONNECTING. WHAT NOW HP? NOW DO I ATTACK YOU WITH MY FISTS? SHOW YOU WHAT FEAR IS? I SUSPECT YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THAT HUMANS HAVE BUTTONS TOO AND ONCE YOU'VE PRESSED THIS MANY THERES NO COMING BACK ALIVE.

I'm sorry, professor, I consider publishing your course a day late, having a mandatory live zoom meeting during business hours to stay enrolled for an asynchronous class, and requiring students to use a $60 ***pdf*** that you wrote as their textbook to be exceptionally unprofessional and since I've still got 14 days to get a refund I'm totally not paying $150 to take your class.

Also, for all the newbie professors out there: a syllabus is not just a greeting and a list of assignments. If you haven't given your students AT LEAST your office hours, your late work policy, and your preferred method of being contacted, then you have not given your students a syllabus it's just sparkling announcements.

But really. Sir. SIR. You teach Speech 100. This is one of the most basic classes with like, 20 of the most widely available accepted textbooks and you want me to pay sixty dollars for a pdf of a book that you rewrite every semester so that there are no previous editions?

Buddy this is interpersonal communication, not introductory rhetoric. Why is one of your *four* total assignments about Socrates?

Maybe it's the fact that I've taken Spch 100 interpersonal communication three times already, maybe it's the fact that I grew up with somebody who taught Spch 100 interpersonal communication from 1981 to 2018, but buddy what the fuck are you doing?

"Some of our lectures will only be available for 24 hours so it is up to you to stay on top of it."

Friend, you are teaching an asynchronous online 100-level class at a community college during a pandemic. Get off your high horse, a third of your students are probably parents. There is no reason whatsoever to limit access to course materials to 24 hours unless you are doing it to be a controlling asshole.

Also YOU published your class a day and a half late! You don't get to publish your class late with an incomplete syllabus and tell students to "stay on top of it." Especially not since that means that people have two fewer days to buy your PDF textbook and only one full day to prepare for your mandatory 1pm on a Tuesday zoom meeting!

Why do you require me to have access to a printer for an online class? Oh yeah it's because you expect me to print out and draw on sections of your $60 ebook.

SIR. No thank you.

Kids, new students: this is a level of bullshit and disorganization from a professor that you do not have to put up with. This is a neatly ordered series of red flags that say "this professor is going to be absolutely unbearable."

Also *any* humanities class where your whole grade is 4 assignments should get serious side-eye. You should be able to pass most 100 level humanities classes by just turning in weekly assignments. 4 assignments means that by the time you figure out how the professor grades you're probably close to halfway through the class. Look for classes that require weekly participation as a major chunk of the grade because that way, even if you fuck up a project in a major way, just showing up can save your ass.

Me the first time I was in college: this isn't fair, but I guess these are the hoops I gotta jump through.

Me now: absolutely not. I am too old, too experienced, and my ass is too fat to fit through that hoop. Kid, you are an ADJUNCT, what the hell do you think you're doing?

One of the stated goals of the first assignment isn't "assess understanding of the subject" or "introduce basic concepts" it is "prove access to course materials, such as the textbook."

Friend. You are supposed to have global learning outcomes for your students. If your goal is "teach students how to pass MY" class and not "teach students the basics of interpersonal communication" you are a bad teacher.

Okay everyone get out your bingo cards because the professor just managed to get his class halfway updated and here's what I've found:

And just for shits and giggles, the first assignment is due one month into the semester so you'll have no idea what his grading style is until well past the add/drop date and that assignment is the only one that requires the $60 pdf textbook that he wrote. This is HIS description of that assignment:

Buddy.

No.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Also the midterm and final were scheduled for a one-hour slot on weekdays in spite of, again, being an asynchronous course.

So I've already dropped it (good riddance) but I probably WILL contact the dean and say "hey so I signed up for this asynchronous course because I am a returning student with a full-time job and your professor decided on his own that he was going to schedule 1pm zoom times and 1pm exams for all his async students, which is probably going to cause problems for other students who are enrolled because I'd guess that at least some of them have classes that are SCHEDULED for T/TH 1pm class meetings oh and also just FYI your boy was 28 hours late on publishing his class and didn't get his syllabus up until 34 hours after he was supposed to so I'm not really sure his time management skills are up to teaching async classes and ADDITIONALLY he noted that he would only make the lecture materials available for 24 hours and then did not list when those lectures were scheduled in his syllabus so it would be very easy for busy students to miss lectures because he didn't schedule them but also won't be leaving the materials available. So. You know. Someone should probably check on that."

His score on ratemyprofessor is 1.8 and even the two people who gave him a 4 say "I failed the final because he hadn't taught us any of that information or put any of those fields of study on his final exam study guide."

Also, new students, you must learn the proper way to complain to the dean.

Every department has That One Fucking Asshole who everyone wants to see gone but students tend to complain about personalities or "why is my speech teacher assigning an economic ethics paper published by a conservative think-tank funded by the Waltons" and that is not how it's done. The administration may agree that he's an asshole, but "he's an asshole" isn't a good enough reason not to renew someone's contract and go through the time and effort to bring in a new hire.

So you get them on bureaucratic shit. "Published his course late," "did not provide office hours," "did not provide a way to communicate and did not respond to calls, emails, or canvas messages," "set required meeting times for asynchronous courses" - THIS is the shit that the administration can pin a professor to the wall on because it isn't student said vs. Professor said.

Like, look, you are important and your feelings and thoughts matter, but the administration knows there will always be someone who is offended about something innocuous who doesn't know how school works and they're not going to write up a professor because of how a student thinks the class should be run. But they WILL write up and add observations for a professor who doesn't run a classroom the way that the school policy says a class should be run.

It's getting to be school time again, and some of you will have garbage professors.

You're paying for this, do not accept this kind of behavior. Read and re-read the last part from @ms-demeanor because complaining effectively is key to stopping this bullshit.

If you are stuck with a professor that is administering thier class well but being hostile, belittling students, not making reasonable accommodations or otherwise being a jackass, write down specific incidents (what was said to who where and when, if possible, take screenshots or make recordings of class), and look up your school's nondiscrimination policies, classroom safety standards and inclusivity goals. It's way more effective to say "on September 3rd professor last name said "(fucking nonsense here)" to student Y, which is a clear violation of classroom safety rule (Cite specific rule) and stated inclusivity goal "(goal here)" and I want to know what administrative actions I can expect to see while you handle this." Than it is to say "hey prof lastname's been really mean/a bigot in class"

The admin almost certainly wants to fire this asshole too. Give them the legal ammo they need.

Shared before, without Gallus’s addition. Time to share again!

holy shit lol

if your water breaks… i will fix it.

why are dudes in fanfic always getting hit with freight train orgasms. why not an orient express orgasm, classy and romantic. where are the shinkansen train orgasms? his orgasm hit him like the TGV atlantique breaking the passenger rail speed record. like the shanghai maglev, his orgasm was a feat of engineering but something of a commercial disappointment.

Don’t tell me delayed orgasms aren’t a thing

learning new things about the german rail system today

your twenties are Also about discovering that you’re not a bad person in all the ways you believed you were but you’re a bad person in completely new and exciting ways

me: "have they tried not being fucking ignorant religious bigots?"

article: “I suspect that a bit of the steam has gone out of the LGBT thing,” Backman told the right-wing outlet, staying ahead of the issue. “There may be the odd protester, but if they have got armies of PR people laser-focused on that then I suspect it may be OK.”

me: no surprises there... fuck them

sandwich recipe

We go through a lot of pickles here and this recipe is a good way to use leftover brine.

The thing that pisses me off the most though is the fact I know so many LGBTQ+ individuals that still go there, and they are surprised when I actually don't. It's literally like that tweet.

My favourite part of a tNC set is when Matt interrupts their own song to go on a monologue describing their personal ao3 fanfic smut about cthulhu that's 3x as long as the song itself, just to get us to scream about swallowing balls even louder

it was six minutes long in chicago. that's longer than ghost stories. i keep improvising an increasingly long monologue every night about hot submissive cthulhu and i don't know how to stop

"You enjoying that cheeseburger, you kinky fuck? Yo, it's me, the US government" -Matt TNC

(maybe slightly paraphrased cause i couldn't write it down right away)

no this is accurate

people are getting high as fuck on new stupid drug called "night drawing" its making them stay iup all the goddamn night drawing. and brother let me tell you. the drawings. not even good

Oh!

[said with increasing amount of distress] i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this