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Lachesisms

@ventrue / ventrue.tumblr.com

Each minor problem like a grain of sand, and every night I inherit the desert. Hi, I'm some gay dude who writes sometimes.

The principal difficulty of having a Pokémon pick up your groceries for you isn’t getting it to understand the concept of a grocery list, but getting it to understand the concept of capitalism.

One might assume that Meowth is the exception, given that Meowth is literally the capitalism Pokémon; the trouble here is that, while Meowth does understand capitalism, Meowth also understands shoplifting.

So I should send Meowth then

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I WAS HANGING OUT WITH MY FRIENDS AND WE STARTED SEARCHING [KINK] SHIRT ON AMAZON AND FOUND THIS

SLUT WIFE CUCKOLD LIFE YAKUZA FONT SHIRT

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cannot stop saying "dude im always saying this" after a friend says the most highly specific never-before said sentence

big shoutout to the gas station near my house which is running a deal on energy drinks and thought the best way to express this on their large LED sign was to make it read BANG MONSTER 2/$5

update: you'll be pleased to know that they rethought their sign and have changed it to read MONSTER BANG 2/$5

i have terrible news about the economy

they raised the price of monster bang :(

Monster bang inflation 😵‍💫

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plumped-up-furrys-deactivated20

monster bang inflation 🥺🥺🥺

gohan is the funniest ever version of a burnt out gifted kid because the thing he’s burnt out on is having superpowered martial arts abilities. by every other metric he’s a very stable and successful adult man but nobody in his life except his wife and mother care about that shit, and they all call him a washed up loser because he doesn’t want to shoot energy beams at aliens anymore.

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luvil10-deactivated20240206

Charlie Kelly

I think sometimes cbt is a load of bullshit but once in a while you'll just effortlessly parry a thought that's trying to make you spiral and it feels so good. I've done it like 4 times tonight.

Did you mean CBD or are you talking about cock and ball torture

Yes if you beat the shit out of your nutsack you won't ever feel sad again. This is medical advice.

Hold on I'm gonna try this

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AITA? My doctor said I needed a COVID test and had me pee on a stick that he put in his pocket before asking me to leave.

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scenebetween-deactivated2023123

Sorry i just saw the words COVID test and got so honry i passed out!

Can we please stay on topic here

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scenebetween-deactivated2023123

YTA

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