Thirty-eight.

Thirty-eight.

Thirty-eight years.

Thirty-eight years old.

Yeah, right.

 There is no possible way.

Who did I know that was 38?

Aunt Laraine.

Wait a second, if Laraine was thirty-eight, then I was...

Not even born! (verify)

Okay, pull it together. Thirty-eight isn't even that old. What is the media trying to convince everyone?  That is the new optimal age? You know, when you are in your prime, you have got it all together. The house. The kids on the teams. No more babies.

No babies? Who do I talk to?

You'll have to make friends.

(Dear in headlights.)

Come on, it's not that bad.

(Cocks hearing.)

You've done it before.

Yeah, but you outgrew those friends.

(High-waters) haha, yeah..funny. I outgrew those friends. I hate that. Bringing people into your life, learning all about them, giving them all the love you can, only to realize they didn't have room for you.

The worst part?

The worst part is coming to that realization, or the realization that it was more to you than it was to them. Define that specifically?

Oh, you know. I love you so much. You mean so much to me.

Okay, I love you.

Shut it down.

Oh, I'll shut it down.

Why do they always do that?

I have no clue.

I think that is the hardest part. Not knowing why. Having no definition. Just having this huge subtraction.

This little bug

I clearly remember grandma Lois telling me not to wish the days away, that one day my little chickens would be grown and have their own lives, they aren't there yet, just about half way and I am racing to beat the clock. I am realizing how little time I have left with them, how soon they'll be rich and famous and off on their own adventures, stopping by for a visit here and there. It makes my heart ache to start over again, to be twice as patient. 

Cait turned 13 this winter, I can't even imagine that 13 years have passed since she came into our family. 

Oh, love her.

On March 27, 2014, Michelle's journey here ended. With that realization there are so many emotions. A desire to be on the other side of the vail. To sit and hold hands with those who are there. The feeling isn't jealousy, the feeling is something like hope. A passionate hope that all you have prayed for, fought for, searched for and desperately grasped to is true. The hope that you have earnestly sought forgiveness for all that you've trespassed. For me, the most challenging bite to swallow is the patience, the waiting for time to pass. I thank Heavenly Father every day. I have four of the most compatible, perfect giants in my home, four of my most precious people. I have a husband who loves me beyond measure. Who always gives more than I thought possible for me. I am so humbled to be blessed with him in my life. Thank you Michelle for showing me through act and deed how important every day is. Til we meet again. I love you dearly. 

Wishing it was summer!

Caitlee, boogie board madness!

Gavin, a little saltier thanks to the ocean. I think he loves surfing and will want more and more. Every day he could he wanted to go to the ocean to play and crash. 

Sophia, Ella, Laila (who didn't jump), Caitlee & Soraya jumping off the ledge to the beach which is maybe 50 feet from the Swensen's home. 

We are so fortunate to have the Swensen's live on Balboa Island and share the life of relaxation and fun. You get a teaser of what life might be like if we were millionaires and resided in Cali. The life is so peaceful and restive, I don't know how anyone could resist. I come home relaxed, renewed and ready for what the desert of Salt Lake holds for my family. 

Sitting on the beach with my family, I am filled with salty air, the warm sun heating me through, I think about life, what is important and what is unessessary and abcess, how can I widdle down to less than what I am currently in excess. It's easy enought to do, harder to act. 

Smith, the eldest child of the Swensen's, left on his two year service mission to Florida. He will learn spanish and teach and preach and do as missionaries do. We are so thrilled for him, for his dedication and sacrifice. 

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God." (Matthew 6:33) overalls I learned first and foremost, whatever my wants, I need to prioritize that line into my life. No one will do it for me. No one will teach my children better than I. Therefore, I must seek the kingdom of God. 

12 years for Caitlee

12 years ago, Caitlee joined the Corpuz family. Weighing in at a whopping 6 lbs 7 oz. she was the tiniest baby of mine. For being so small, Caitee was also my most difficult delivery. Caitee was in posterior position with the cord around her neck and intertwined around her legs and feet. Every time I pushed her down the birth canal, the cord worked like a bungee cord, pulling her back in. I knew something was different right when my labor began, the contractions we über painful, making me hunch in pain, driving to the hospital was rediculous! Every lurch, bump, brake, acceleration, deceleration was a reminder of what was to come. We made many attempts to get the baby out safely and quickly, pushing alone wasn't sufficient, the physical attempt to turn the baby while still in my belly, forceps, vacuum extractor, a game of tug-o-war between the doctor and I over her-- the room looked a worse for wear, blood was splattered on the ceiling, blood on the doctors face, medical towels, tools, nurses anxiously waiting Caitlee's arrival. I didn't grasp the difficulty of my labor until hours after her birth. I was listless and my blood wouldn't clot, the doctor and nurses did a wonderful job coaxing me through.  Once my clotting kicked in, I rested and began healing. I was still exhausted from delivery, and swore off having any more children. I was in love with my new little bundle of joy, I don't remember complaining much. Nana Ruth was there to help with Gav and Raya, I am pretty sure I slept the first two days home, only waking to take care of my new baby. When Cait was about 2 weeks old I began to think I was dying again. Trying not to be over dramatic and enduring the two other children I was caring for, I pulled out the wagon, strapped on the baby carrier and wheeled the kids to Albertson's for entertainment. On the way home I called the doctor because I was afraid I was going to keel over and die, at least if I did, the Nurse would call 9-1-1. Turns out again I was being dramatic and had mastitis. It creates flu like symptoms, fever, chills, disorientation and extreme pain in the infected breast.  Once my prescription kicked in, I began to heal dramatically and within days was beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. All these years later, I would do it all again in an instant to have you in my life. Caitlee, you have a favorite spot in my heart, I love you so. 

Did I mention we didn't find out if you were a boy or a girl?  Such a fun surprise to find out Soraya was getting a sister!

Playing catch up.

Where do you begin when you have forgotten where you've left off?

Let's start with today. Today was Ella's second experience with the spelling bee at American Preparatory Academy. She made it into the third round when she misspelled 'princely.' She was very disappointed with herself, what she doesn't know, is that princely is a sixth grade word and she did great. Don't worry. I've told her. She was so confident and ready to rock. Ella's teacher is Mrs. Woolston, she is an amazing teacher. 

                                     

The children have been attending American Preparatory Academy for two years, Gavin was in 8th grade, Soraya was in 6th, Caitlee in 4th and Ella was in 1st!  It seems so long ago, so long that when I realized it had only been two years I had to rethink it. The children have shown so much progress and growth I could really never had imagined such an education.  Gavin is now in 10th grade, Soraya in 8th, Caitlee in 6th and Ella in 3rd. 

Michelangelo

Gavin is taking AP European history. If I had to guess, I would say that Mr. Cough is his favorite teacher. He knows how to talk to Gavin to excite him about subjects and grasp the concepts and love or hate them. They held a salon, where they dressed up or symbolized a European character.  Gavin chose to be Michelangelo. 

Ok, maybe he is a little more Napoleon Dynamite than Michelangelo, he did get an A, I believe, for effort.  Gavin is 15. Not driving. Doesn't have a learners permit. Is girl crazy. Is trying to find out his way in this too big world.